Play With a Tiger and Other Plays

MARY: Surely not weak, Harry?

ANNA: Weak is new, Harry. Since when, weak?

HARRY: I’ll explain. It came to me in a flash, one night when I was driving home very late – it was dawn, to be precise, you see, weak men like me …

ANNA [suddenly serious]: Harry, I’m not in the mood.

HARRY: Of course you are. We are always in the mood to talk about ourselves. I’m talking about you, Anna. You’re like Helen. Now what does Helen say? She says, she doesn’t mind who I have affairs with provided they are women she’d like herself.

TOM: Charming.

MARY: But Harry, Helen’s got to say something … well, I mean to say.

ANNA: I simply can’t stand your damned alibis.

HARRY: Tom must have been bad for you, Anna, if you’re going to get all pompous. Helen and I …

ANNA [snapping]: Harry, you forget I know Helen very well.

HARRY [not realizing her mood]: Of course you do. And so do I. And you ought to take on Dave the way Helen’s taken me on …

ANNA: Harry, go away.

HARRY [still blithe]: No, Anna. I’ve been thinking. You’ve got to marry Dave. He needs you.

[MARY makes a warning gesture at HARRY, indicating ANNA.]

[to MARY] Don’t be silly, darling. [to ANNA again] Helen knows I’ll always come back to her. Anna, Dave needs you. Have a heart. What’ll Dave do?

ANNA [snapping into hysterical resentment]: I’ll tell you what he’ll do. He’ll do what you did. You married Helen who was very much in love with you. When she had turned into just another boring housewife and mother you began philandering. She had no alternative but to stay put.

HARRY: Anna, Anna, Anna!

ANNA: Oh shut up. I know Helen, I know exactly what sort of hell she’s had with you.

HARRY: Tom, you really have been bad for Anna, you’ve made her all bitchy.

ANNA: Dave will marry some girl who’s in love with him. Oh, he’ll fight every inch of the way, of course. Then there’ll be children and he’ll be free to do as he likes. He’ll have a succession of girls, and in between each one he’ll go back and weep on his wife’s shoulder because of his unfortunately weak character. Weak like hell. She’ll forgive him all right. He’ll even use her compliance as an additional attraction for the little girls, just as you do. My wife understands me, he’ll say, with a sloppy look on his face. She knows what I’m like. She’ll always be there to take me back. God almighty, what a man.

HARRY: Anna, you little bitch.

ANNA: That’s right. But there’s just one thing, Dave shouldn’t have picked on me. I’m economically independent. I have no urge for security so I don’t have to sell myself out. And I have a child already, so there’s no way of making me helpless, is there, dear weak, helpless Harry?

HARRY: Mary, you should have told me Anna was in such a bitchy mood and I wouldn’t have come up.

MARY: But I did tell you, and you said, ‘Well Anna won’t be bitchy with me.’

[The door bell, downstairs.]

MARY: I’ll go.

ANNA: Mary, I’m out.

MARY: Well don’t blame me for Harry, he insisted. [as she goes out] Pussy, pussy, puss, puss.

HARRY: I can’t think what Mary would do if Anna did get married.

TOM [spitefully]: They are rather like an old married couple, aren’t they?

[ANNA pulls down the window with a crash and turns her back on them.]

HARRY: But so nice to drop in on for aid and comfort when in trouble. [to ANNA’S back] Anna, I’m in trouble.

ANNA: Don’t worry, you’ll be in love with someone else in a few weeks.

HARRY [humorous but serious]: But I won’t. This girl, my poppet, she’s getting married. [as ANNA shrugs] For God’s sake woman, shut the window, it’s freezing. [ANNA shuts it, but remains looking down.] She met some swine at a party – actually he’s very nice. A handsome young swine – he really is nice. She’s marrying him – actually, I advised her to. Anna!

ANNA: Did you expect her to hang round for the rest of her life in a state of single blessedness because you didn’t want to break up your happy home with Helen? [she turns, sees his face, which is genuinely miserable] Oh all right. I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. [She puts her arms around him.]

HARRY: There’s my Anna. [to TOM] I’m sure you’ve never seen this side of her, but she is a sweet girl, at heart.

TOM: Well, now you’ve gained your little need of sympathy from Anna, perhaps I may be permitted to say a word or two?

HARRY: No. You two should just kiss and say goodbye and stop tormenting each other.

TOM: Anna I know that what goes on in the street is a hundred times more interesting than I am, but …

HARRY: Of course it is, she’s waiting for Dave.

ANNA: I’m not waiting for Dave.

[She comes away from the window. Sits on the bed, her head in her hands.]

TOM: I want to talk to Anna.

MARY [from downstairs]: Puss, puss, puss, puss.

TOM [mocking her]: Puss, puss, puss, puss.

HARRY: Mary should get married. Anna, you should make Mary get married before it’s too late.

TOM: Before it’s too late!

ANNA: Mary could marry if she wanted.

TOM [derisively]: Then why doesn’t she?

ANNA: Strange as it might seem to you, she doesn’t want to get married just for the sake of getting married.