The Casual Ward: Academic and Other Oddments

I am authorized to state that the intervention of a Deus ex machina has brought about the arrangement of a modus vivendi. The Achaean expeditionary force is to withdraw, and Helen is to be autonomous. Menelaus, however, is to be free to enforce administrative reforms.

    March 21.

Peace with Honour has been proclaimed. It is possible, however, that some embarrassment may still arise from the action of King Priam in assessing the material, moral, and intellectual damage inflicted on himself and his allies at 152,833 tripods, 18 women, and an ox. This sum will certainly be disputed.

It is asserted as probable that the Poet Laureate, – Homer, will be invited to compose an epic poem commemorating the events of the raid. An edition of 20,000 copies will be issued, including 50 on India paper, with corruptions and emendations by eminent scholars.

THE JOURNALISTIC TOUCH

(II.) FORGOTTEN HISTORY

The Roman correspondent of the Stella Lugdunensis writes to his paper under date a. v.c. 817: —

All the Press is naturally full of the recent debate in the Senate on the alleged unconstitutional indiscretions of our Imperial Master. (H.I.M., I should add, is at present on a lecturing tour in the Peloponnesus; statements in the Custos Burdigalensis to the effect that He is giving a series of violin recitals are wholly without foundation.) The impression produced is on the whole one of unanimous condemnation of His Majesty’s recent action. How – it is argued even by the Right – can it tend to the stability of Roman foreign policy that in the regrettable military operations between the Suebi and the Chatti the Emperor should have directed General Count Corbulo to prepare an invincible plan of campaign for each of the belligerents? The Extreme Left, as represented by Messrs. Barea and T. Peters (? Paetus), goes much farther, and does not hesitate to criticize the autocratic dilettantism which professes to lay down the law on artistic matters which it does not in the least understand. It is time (said one speaker) that our so-called Emperor should cease to be persuaded by the plaudits of a decadent and servile entourage into imagining Himself a Second Sarasatius. Absolutism is generally condemned.

Messrs. Nerva and Nymphidius and other prominent Imperialists have, of course, defended their master; but their apologies, it is felt, were somewhat perfunctory and half-hearted. In allusion to the lamented demise of the Dowager Empress, it was pointed out that pity and loyalty alike should forbid trampling on a Ruler bowed down by repeated domestic bereavements; and attempts were made to enlist sympathy for the Imperial Orphan. These, however, have not been uniformly crowned with success.

Tension undoubtedly exists. I cannot (to speak plainly) conceal from myself the fact that in a given contingency, the nature of which it is unnecessary and, perhaps, undesirable to specify further, circumstances at present unforeseen might conceivably pave the way for developments of which it might be impossible to predict the eventual termination.

* * * * *

“Ought Nero to Abdicate?” is the subject of a “symposium” in the current Primum Saeculum et Post. The signatures L and S are commonly associated with the talented author whose Pharsalia has long been recognized as the most charming of Saturnalian gift-books, and the Rev. L. A. Seneca, formerly private tutor in His Majesty’s household. Should H.I.M. decide to abdicate, it is anticipated that He will edit our Boeotian contemporary the Oracle, which is sadly in need of new blood. Nero will give it that. The meetings held at the Palazzo Pisone were strictly private.

* * * * *

The Suebian Press continues to hint at fresh indiscretions. There is no doubt that a state of tension exists, which can only be alleviated by the restoration of reciprocal confidence between H.I.M. and the Roman people. The result of the approaching conference between the Emperor and Prince Tigellinus is eagerly discussed.

    Later.

H.M.’s interview with the Chancellor at Brundisium is stated to have been productive of entirely satisfactory results. It is said that Nero now thoroughly understands the situation, and is resolved to remodel His conduct accordingly. Tension is greatly alleviated.

* * * * *

I cannot more graphically summarize the present improved situation than by quoting the headlines in the Acta Diurna.

GREAT REVIEW OF PRAETORIANS

OUTSIDE THE SENATE HOUSE

RESTORED RELATIONS BETWEEN

CONSCRIPT FATHERS AND EMPEROR

HIS MAJESTY IN THE SENATE

AVE CAESAR OPTIME MAXIME

GREAT ENTHUSIASM

DIVINE HONOURS PRACTICALLY CERTAIN

IMPROVED FINANCIAL POSITION

NEW ISSUE OF CONSULS EXPECTED

All this tends to indicate that the period of mutual suspicion and distrust is practically at an end. Nothing shows it more clearly than the happy renewal of social relations between the Emperor and the leading members of the Senate. As a guarantee of good feeling, several of our legislators have consented, at His Majesty’s earnest request, to assist Him in the forthcoming Pageant of Empire to be held in the Circus Maximus. Their collaboration is indeed indispensable, large consignments of empty lions being reported to have arrived at Ostia. The hearty sympathy between our Ruler and His people is still further attested by the fact that several Senators who were but lately among the foremost critics of Absolutism are now taking a personal and prominent share in the scheme of street illuminations recently suggested to the Emperor by His Chancellor. Members of the Stoic Democratic Federation have been invited to meet H.I.M. at dinner at the Café Locusta.

* * * * *

The Café Locusta dinner has been a great success. It is not expected that the Stoic Democratic Federation will express any further opinion hostile to the Imperial policy.

M. Nymphidius has been commissioned to form a Ministry.

Not the least noteworthy among social événements is the departure of Piso (whose tendency to form cabals has for some time been a sore subject in Imperialistic circles) for his estates in Thule, N.B. He has left, according to one account, by the Hook (unco).

* * * * *

I quote from the Court Journal: —

“The Emperor Nero reigns in the hearts of His People. Persons asserting the contrary will be decapitated.”

PHILOGEORGOS, OR CONCERNING BRIBERY

Going down the other day to the Kerameikos, I met my friend Philogeorgos, who is at present one of those who desire to hold office in the city. And I said to him —

“Philogeorgos, you look sad; is it because you fear lest you should not be elected Archon?”

“No, Socrates,” he replied. “It is not that which saddens me; it is the baseness of those who try to prevent the people from choosing me.”

“In what way do they act basely?” I asked.

“There is a certain wine-seller,” he said, “who is offering what the Hyperboreans call Free Drinks (that is, you know, draughts of wine without payment) to all those who will vote for Misogeorgos, but not for me.”

“That is very unkind of the wine-seller. But why do you say that the transaction is base?”