Five O'Clock Tea: Farce

Campbell, rising, sadly: "No."

Mrs. Somers, mechanically taking the hand he offers her: "Oh! What – "

Campbell: "I'm going; that's all."

Mrs. Somers: "So soon?"

Campbell: "Yes; but I'll try to make amends by not coming back soon – or at all."

Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't!"

Campbell: "Mustn't what?"

Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't keep my hand. Here come some more people. Ah, Mrs. Canfield! Miss Bayly! So very nice of you, Mrs. Wharton! Will you have some tea?"

VII

MRS. CANFIELD, MISS BAYLY, MRS. WHARTON, and the OTHERS

Mrs. Wharton: "No, thank you. The only objection to afternoon tea is the tea."

Mrs. Somers: "I'm so glad you don't mind the weather." With her hand on the teapot, glancing up at Miss Bayly: "And do you refuse too?"

Miss Bayly: "I can answer for Mrs. Canfield that she doesn't, and I never do. We object to the weather."

Mrs. Somers, pouring a cup of tea: "That makes it a little more difficult. I can keep from offering Mrs. Wharton some tea, but I can't stop its snowing."

Miss Bayly, taking her cup: "But you're so amiable; we know you would if you could, and that's quite enough. We're not the first and only, are we?"

Mrs. Somers: "Dear, no! There are multitudes of flattering spirits in the library, stopping the mouth of my portrait with pretty speeches."

Miss Bayly, vividly: "Not your Bramford portrait?"

Mrs. Somers: "My Bramford portrait."

Miss Bayly, to the other ladies: "Oh, let us go and see it too!" They flutter out of the drawing-room, where Mrs. Somers and Campbell remain alone together as before. He continues silent, while she waits for him to speak.

VIII

MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL

Mrs. Somers, finally: "Well?"

Campbell: "Well, what?"

Mrs. Somers: "Nothing. Only I thought you were – you were going to – "

Campbell: "No; I've got nothing to say."

Mrs. Somers: "I didn't mean that. I thought you were going to – go." She puts up her hand and hides a triumphant little smile with it.

Campbell: "Very well, then, I'll go, since you wish it." He holds out his hand.

Mrs. Somers, putting hers behind her: "You've shaken hands once. Besides, who said I wished you to go?"

Campbell: "Do you wish me to stay?"

Mrs. Somers: "I wish you to – hand tea to people."

Campbell: "And you won't say anything more?"

Mrs. Somers: "It seems to me that's enough."

Campbell: "It isn't enough for me. But I suppose beggars mustn't be choosers. I can't stay merely to hand tea to people, however. You can say yes or no now, Amy, as well as at any other time."

Mrs. Somers: "Well, no, then – if you wish it so much."

Campbell: "You know I don't wish it."

Mrs. Somers: "You gave me my choice. I thought you were indifferent about the word."

Campbell: "You know better than that, Amy."

Mrs. Somers: "Amy again! Aren't you a little previous, Mr. Campbell?"

Campbell, with a sigh: "Ah, that's for you to say."

Mrs. Somers: "Wouldn't it be impolite?"

Campbell; "Oh, not for you."

Mrs. Somers: "If you're so sarcastic, I shall be afraid of you."

Campbell: "Under what circumstances?"

Mrs. Somers, dropping her eyes: "I don't know." He makes a rush upon her. "Oh! here comes Mrs. Curwen! Shake hands, as if you were going."

IX

MRS. CURWEN; MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL

Mrs. Curwen: "What! is Mr. Campbell going, too?"

Mrs. Somers: "Too? You're not going, Mrs. Curwen?"

Mrs. Curwen: "Yes, I'm going. The likeness is perfect, Mrs. Somers. It's a speaking likeness, if there ever was one."

Campbell: "Did it do all the talking?"