In Too Close

THEY ENDED UP talking about movies and books throughout dinner. But she couldn’t really relax. She knew she wanted more from Bradley. The sexual desire he’d awakened earlier was winding her up, and she felt that same tight knot of anticipation in her gut as Bradley tried to keep the conversation going.

After dinner, they got their coats for a walk along the lodge’s scenic trail. She avoided going through the lobby because right now she needed her focus to stay on Bradley. For the first time in a while she wanted a chance at something that was just for her. When they stepped outside they found a light snow was falling.

“I love snow early in the season,” she murmured.

“Me, too,” he said, joining his hand with hers and leading her toward the head of the trail. “When I was a kid I didn’t like it so much.”

“Why not? It always seemed magical to me as a child,” she said. “My dad was often home for the day because of travel delays and complications and he’d build a snow fort for my sisters and me.”

The memory of it was nice. Her dad had traveled a lot and she’d missed him when he’d been gone. But November snow always reminded her of him.

“My recollections aren’t that much fun,” he said quietly. “Snow is cold. And heavy at times, and like you said, that meant not going to work, which meant not getting paid, which meant...”

How different they were. She wanted to hug Bradley when she thought of his past and how he’d struggled, but because he was just stating facts, she felt it might make him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It made me who I am today,” he said gruffly. “And I love that your dad made a snow fort for you. I know you didn’t have that much time with him.”

She looked over at him. Normally on a first date, there was lot of getting to know the other person, but she and Bradley had known each other for a long time. A part of her wondered if her idea for a relationship with him had come too late. Was she kidding herself when she thought she could change the dynamic of it? She leaned closer, trying to feel him out, but it was hard to read his expression in the dim glow of the lamps that were placed at intervals around the path.

“You know I always think of you as a smart-ass?” she asked at last, deciding that it was probably better to lighten up the mood.

“Do you?” he asked.

She nodded.

“I guess it’s not sexy to talk about our pasts.”

“We said we’d keep it light,” she reminded him. She could see something in his eyes that reminded her of impatience. And she knew that, more than the fact that they knew a lot about each other, he wouldn’t let her hide behind the little verbal games she usually liked to play.

“Can’t deny that I can be a joker,” he said with that arrogant grin of his. “So, tell me...what magic did you think the snow held?”

All kinds of magic, but tonight, standing here next to him, walking in the bitter chill...she wondered if that little girl’s dreams even existed inside of her anymore. When she thought of that time and thought of telling him about it, she felt...well, silly.

“Never mind.”

He stopped and turned his intense gaze on her. “Not ‘never mind.’ If we are going to do this, then I want to know every bit of you.”

“I don’t like every bit of me,” she admitted. The little girl who believed in magic had been weak and made dumb mistakes. And she hoped she was nothing like that anymore.

“Tell me, Lizzie. Let me see the parts you don’t think measure up.”

“Why?” she asked. Why would he want to know that?

“Because I haven’t seen anything about you that I don’t like. Not yet.”

She sighed. “It’s silly and childish.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” he said.

Glancing out across the darkened landscape with the snow falling softly through the light provided by the lamps on the table, she found it easy to talk. “I thought there was a snow queen who was waiting for me to come outside and be in her court. I used to make Marina act as my lady-in-waiting and follow me around in the snow as we searched for her.”

“And she did that?” he asked softly.

“You forget I was her big sister and she didn’t like making me mad,” Elizabeth said with a snort. “Actually, I was mean when we were little. I don’t know why. I’ve apologized since then.”

“Kids are just built that way,” he said. “There are some guys I see in Boulder and do business with who were jerks when we were in school.”

“Were you bullied?” she asked.

“Nah, one of the positives to working from a young age is I was always strong. Kids sometimes said mean things about my secondhand clothes or me not having a dad. Stuff like that. I tried not to let it bother me, but it was difficult.”