The Autobiography of a Monkey

And engaged in a pretty romance.
I charmed all the ladies by climbing,
And one of them taught me to dance.

Yet often I longed for the jungle —
Its song and the rustle of wing —
And sometimes at night in my slumber
I talked with our elephant king.

One morning my master awoke me,
And, dressed in a gaudy new suit,
I beheld the New World in the sunlight,
And lifted my hat in salute.

And then began troubles and trials —
Through the streets by a string I was led;
Toiling hard all the day for my master,
Yet oft going hungry to bed.

But he sold me at last to a circus
And my lot became easier then,
So I gave many moments of leisure
To acquiring the habits of men.

I copied their manners and customs
I made of each fashion a note;
And the children admired my performance
And the ladies the cut of my coat.

By and by I was sold to a banker
Who was charmed with my ball-rolling feat,
And arrayed in a Fauntleroy costume
I passed all my time on the street.

But alas for my plans of the future!
He died without leaving a cent,
And I had to go out to hard labor
To pay for my victuals and rent;

Till I met with a gentleman's valet
Who was like me in manner and face,
And I told him some stories that pleased him
And bribed him to give me his place.

Then I started to serve my new master —
A bachelor cynic was he,
Who quickly saw through the deception
And made a proposal to me.

Said he: "You're a monkey, you rascal,
And an excellent type of the brood;
Let's play a good joke on society
By passing you off as a dude."

So he took me at first to his barber,
Who shaved me and shortened my hair,
And the last tangled trace of the jungle
Was gone when I rose from his chair.

And then to his tailor and hatter —
His hosier and all of the rest,
Till at night I was changed from a monkey
To a chappie most stylishly dressed.

And standing alone and reflecting
I thought of the why and the how,
And I wondered what Tusky was doing
And what would the jungle say, now.

Part Third

THE BUTTERFLY WHIRL

It was then for the triumphs of conquest!
Oh, then for the life of the swell!
I dwelt like a lord with my patron
In a suite of a gilded hotel.

And we went out to plays and to dinners —
On the ladies he took me to call —
And once we received invitations
To a beautiful fancy-dress ball.

'Twas a famous affair and it won me,
With its titter and tinsel and tune,
For it carried me back to the jungle
And the monkey-dance under the moon.

Then I mingled with other diversions.
I learned how to paint and to ride;
I cut a great figure at polo —
The science of golfing I tried.

As a wheelman I soon became famous
And made a great score on the track —
I was known as the king of the scorchers,
With the typical bicycle back.

Then a girl who was youthful and silly
Made love to me just for a lark,