The Friendship Barrier

The urgent meeting kept him out of the office until Stephanie was about to go for lunch. He returned just as she was putting her coat on, and indicated imperiously that he wanted her to wait.

The door between their two offices was half open and, as she was waiting, Stephanie heard him pick up his own phone and punch a series of numbers into it.

Seconds later her whole body seemed to be seized in a painful paralysis as she heard him drawl, ‘Susy? About tonight, I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to make it.’

Becoming aware that she was eavesdropping on his private conversation Stephanie moved disjointedly towards her own desk. Susy? Why did his relationship with Susy Waldron upset her so?

‘Sorry about that,’ his phone call finished, Jake walked back into her office. ‘I’ve got to go out and see that new property this afternoon and I want you to come with me. It sounds promising. Can you manage with half an hour for lunch?’

It wasn’t the first time Jake had made such a request. Normally, when they were busy, she would go out and buy them both sandwiches for lunch and they would work companionably, side by side, while they ate, but today, for some reason, she hesitated to suggest this.

‘Calm, serene Stephanie,’ Jake drawled, when she nodded an affirmative. ‘You like the world to think nothing can penetrate through the wall, don’t you? You’ve got “don’t trespass” signs posted all round your personal space, feet high, but we both know that…’

Another moment, and he would be talking about Friday evening, and that was something she just couldn’t endure. ‘I’m on my lunch hour, Jake,’ she interrupted evenly. ‘Half an hour, I think you said. I’d better go…’

‘Flight, not fight, is that it, Steph?’ he jeered, as she turned away. ‘What is it you’re so frightened of?’

Losing your friendship, she could have said; being alone without you, but the words were far too painful to be voiced, and, instead, she simply walked out of the office before he saw that she was trembling—Jake had very sharp eyes and extremely acute perceptions. She had known him to be brusque and even sarcastic at times before; she had never known this cutting, deliberate intention to hurt and she was at a loss to understand the reason for it.

She was back from lunch exactly on the dot. She could hear sounds of movement from Jake’s office and tapped briefly on the door before going in. Jake was standing with his back to her staring out of his window. He had removed the jacket of his suit and the fine cotton shirt he was wearing clung to the taut muscles of his back. What was the matter with her, Stephanie asked herself in distraught dismay? She had seen Jake without his jacket on countless thousands of occasions in the past—she had even once arrived at his flat and found him still only half dressed, and yet she could never remember once reacting as she was reacting now. All her stomach muscles seemed to have clenched in a tight spasm and refused to unlock. Her body shook and her skin felt hot. She wanted to reach out and trace the clean line of his spine to… He swung round, catching her off guard, and she quickly veiled her eyes, looking distractedly at the papers on his desk.

‘Something wrong?’

Even without looking at him, she could sense his quick frown. It took an almost superhuman effort of will to sound casual as she murmured, ‘No… no, I’m fine. What time did you want to leave?’ Her voice was a husky, unfamiliar whisper edged with a strain she hoped he wouldn’t notice.

It was only as she followed Jake down to the car park that she realised what was happening. Almost for the first time in their friendship she was lying to him, hiding her feelings from him, and she could barely understand her own reactions. All she could do was accept that they were necessitated by his attitude towards her; part of a complex and sensitive feminine defence mechanism she had hitherto never needed to use with Jake.