A Mind of Your Own

The effect caressing has on the psyche can be clearly seen when one strokes an animal like a cat or a dog. The ecstasy they are experiencing is immediately apparent, and when it stops they beg for more. The majority of humans are not as demonstrative – if we were, life would be more pleasurable. The best way to overcome reticence and to enhance our lives is to practise the following exercise every day.

Visualisation: You are in a hospital. Walking around the wards, you are aware of the patients in their beds. They are sick but they are also sad, and in your heart you know the sadness is due to their loneliness. You walk towards a bed and stretch out your hand to the person in it. A look of gratitude, a sudden light in the eyes, is all the thanks you need. You feel good. Passing along the row of beds you give everyone a little of yourself, and when you leave there are smiling faces saying, ‘Thank you.’

Now you remember how many times you had taken for granted a loving touch or caress given to you by parents, partner and friends when they wanted you to know how much they cared. You are overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt, and you long to touch these same people, to give back a little of what you had received. You make a promise to yourself that you will never take a caress for granted again.

Affirmation: It is more satisfying to give than receive.

16 (#ulink_42a0586d-26c3-56b6-9273-feea1e57b0fc)

Chain letter (#ulink_42a0586d-26c3-56b6-9273-feea1e57b0fc)

He gave the little wealth he had To build a house for fools and mad; And show’d, by one satiric touch, No nation wanted it so much.

JONATHAN SWIFT

1667–1745

CHAIN LETTERS should always be destroyed. Someone is trying to control you, so the act should be immediate and final. Do not even consider reading them. The perpetrators hope to activate the guilt syndrome, and they can be extremely successful. I have seen the end results, and they can be tragic.

DO NOT READ – DESTROY.

Visualisation: You receive a letter and, on opening it, realise that you are holding a chain letter in your hands. You begin to read it; gradually a feeling of guilt pervades your whole body. You ask yourself whether you have the right to destroy the chain as so many people have obviously taken part in its journey. There is another feeling within you, which is trying to surface – common sense. Will guilt prevail? No! Not wishing to be controlled by others, you see yourself tearing it into small pieces and throwing it away. Now you know you are free to choose your own path.

Affirmation: I will strengthen my resolve not to be controlled.

17 (#ulink_8b22da65-16cf-5d8a-8081-65253129bcca)

Character (#ulink_8b22da65-16cf-5d8a-8081-65253129bcca)

What is character but the determination of incident? What is incident but the illustration of character?

HENRY JAMES

1843–1916

WHEN, AS A CHILD, I was told to do something that was ‘character building’, I knew I would hate it. Those two words always filled me with dread. I also found it very odd that the two things I loved most, singing and reading, were not deemed character building but simply ‘hobbies’.

Freezing walks in the rain, with the wind howling not just around me but through me, chilling my body to the bone, was supposed to be good for me, as was sport, which was agony.

Writing essays, however, was a doddle for me. Unfortunately, my English teacher did not like my style and said I did not fill the paper with enough detailed description. I was not, obviously, going to become a great literary writer, because endless descriptive passages bored me to tears (and, I have to admit, still do). Not one teacher had the sense to suggest that I might become a good journalist.

My first job as a messenger carrying printing plates to all the major newspapers and magazines in Fleet Street was the true beginning of my character building – long hours running up and down the stairs in every building, people shouting because the blocks were late, and returning to base in tears, thinking that I would rather be dead than carry on. But I had promised my mother that I would give a few shillings a week to the family income and had resolved not to let her down.

In the end it is your own spirituality that gives you the blueprint to build character. Those character building bricks are stacked up in your own psyche waiting to be released when you are strong enough to mix the cement to hold them together.

Visualisation: You have promised a friend that you will always be there for them. One day you receive a call from them asking for help. Unfortunately, you are going through a difficult time yourself and do not feel able to carry out your original promise at this time. What are you going to do? Ignore the plea for help? Meet them and explain your own predicament? Or suggest that you give each other mutual support? Whatever you decide, do not forget that you need to be balanced spiritually and physically to maintain the whole.

Affirmation: To build character I need balance.

18 (#ulink_4ebac93a-4116-5e61-94a6-65b2796e14f5)

Charisma (#ulink_4ebac93a-4116-5e61-94a6-65b2796e14f5)

A quality which inspires great enthusiasm and devotion Needs to be disciplined when dealing with emotions.

BETTY SHINE

CHARISMATIC PEOPLE can enhance or destroy our lives. I have seen the effects of the latter at first hand. If parents are not careful and their child becomes aware of his or her own charisma at an early age, they will forgive their offspring everything and a control freak will come to the fore. However, I have also met people who, unaware of their charisma, fill others with such warmth that life seems infinitely more bearable in their presence.

When faced with a charismatic personality, study them and listen. Then you should have no problem deciding which of the two categories they fall into.

Visualisation: Taking a stroll one evening, you notice a stream of people entering a lecture hall. Intrigued, you join them. Having been informed of the subject matter of the lecture, you decide to stay, and you are immediately entranced by the charismatic nature of the speaker. Within minutes you feel the atmosphere in the room changing until it is charged with emotion bordering on hysteria. You are being told to believe, at all costs. Looking around, you see the faces of the audience contorted with fervour. You decide it is time to leave. A member of the audience follows you outside and asks you why you are leaving so early. ‘I am leaving,’ you tell him, ‘because I like to choose the paths I tread, and I did not find peace in this place.’

While walking home you remember a teacher at school, who not only had masses of charisma but who regularly, and with humour, put himself down. And you realise that it had been an act so that his pupils would not think he was God and take everything he said as gospel. He captured their interest with his charismatic personality, made them listen, and then, when he thought they had understood, he made them laugh. He wanted them to enjoy his lectures but keep their own thoughts intact.

Affirmation: When I meet a person with charisma I will be cautious.

19 (#ulink_0566236b-6712-5e59-8c18-d6cf84f33fa9)

Charity (#ulink_0566236b-6712-5e59-8c18-d6cf84f33fa9)

By different methods different men excel; But where is he who can do all things well?

CHARLES CHURCHILL

1731–1764

IF PEOPLE WERE MORE CHARITABLE to each other, the world would be a better place. Charity takes little effort and can give much pleasure. Remember, whatever you give out will come back to you when you are at your lowest ebb, so that it will have the maximum effect.

Visualisation: You are preparing for the first exhibition of your sculptures, and feeling very vulnerable. Will it be a success? Or will it be a great flop? An acquaintance asks for a preview of your work. After a while he walks toward the door. ‘I have to go,’ he says.

‘Well, that was quick,’ you reply. ‘Before you leave, will you tell me what you think of my art?’

He grimaces. ‘Not much, I’m afraid.’ As he leaves, you feel as though someone has hit you in the stomach.

Later, that same evening you remember a similar criticism that you had levelled at a friend when he had needed encouragement, and make a promise to yourself that, in future, you will try to be more charitable towards others.

Affirmation: Charity toward others will enhance my own life.

20 (#ulink_21d05f4d-3e78-5f5c-b22e-97cc45332ad9)

Chatting (#ulink_21d05f4d-3e78-5f5c-b22e-97cc45332ad9)

You must lie upon the daisies and discourse in novel phrases of your complicated state of mind, The meaning doesn’t matter if it’s only idle chatter of a transcendental kind. And everyone will say, as you walk your mystic way, ‘If this man expresses himself in terms too deep for me. Why, what a very singularly deep young man this deep young man must be.’

W. S. GILBERT

1836–1911