The Longevity Book: Live stronger. Live better. The art of ageing well.

I wrote this book because I wanted to peek into my future. I wanted to get a sense of what might happen, what could happen, and what I could possibly do for myself now to continue the journey, and to enjoy the journey for as long as possible. In the years that come, I may grow weaker, but it is my hope that I can also grow wiser, warmer, and more resilient. I hope we can all find the power to grow older together, each of us doing the work we must to become stronger and more loving and more at home in our hearts, in our bodies, and in the world.

Photographs make it possible for us to watch ourselves age. We can see ourselves grow taller, observe the cheekbones that show up as we pass from adolescence to young womanhood, notice the wrinkles that begin to appear just a couple of decades after that. What is less easily grasped by a camera lens is the inner growth, the way the heady passions of youth grow into the steadier fascinations of adulthood, or the privileges that time offers with every passing year.

Time can be kept by clocks and calendars, measured in inches and wrinkles, and caught in images and photographs. But if we are very lucky, it can also be counted in a life well spent, full of learning, love, and laughter.

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AROUND MY FORTIETH BIRTHDAY, I started thinking about what it means to age. It is a fundamentally human question, one we all start to consider at some point. None of us is immune to the passage of time, and one day, when you realize that life just keeps moving forward and there really is no going back – the wondering begins. Poets write poems about it and musicians write songs about it and scientists design experiments to understand it. All of us humans wonder what will happen to us when we get older.

I had been living in this body of mine for more than four decades when I started thinking about the changes that might be coming down the road. I have experienced a lot of changes throughout my lifetime, of course, but I found myself unable to stop thinking about how the decades ahead were going to reveal some even more drastic changes – and how I didn’t really understand the ageing process, or what it would mean for me. I had seen people I love get old and decline sharply and painfully, and I wondered if that would be my fate, or if I could hope for something better.

Around the same time, I was also writing a book called The Body Book, which focused on the foundational aspects of human life. It was full of the kind of stuff I had been learning about over the course of nearly two decades – information about nutrition, exercise, and cultivating strong habits – along with some of the latest scientific insights about overall physical health. I already had intimate knowledge of the ways in which fitness and diet could change my body for the better. Now I wondered: how could I stay healthy and strong in the years to come? We all want longevity, of course. We all want more calendar pages to turn, more time to experience life. But what is a long life without strength, without physical and emotional health and resilience?

So I called my writing partner, Sandra Bark, with whom I had written The Body Book, and I told her that I had figured out that our next book would be about cellular ageing.

She laughed and said, “Great, an easy one.”

To be clear, there is nothing easy about this subject of ageing – not the science of it, and not the experience of living through it. But easy or not, it will happen, and it is happening right now. We can avoid most uncomfortable truths for a very long time, if we want to, but there’s no denying that this one catches up with us eventually. It’s my hope that with a better understanding of what ageing really is – the science of it, the biology of it, the cultural and historical context of it – we can all become empowered to live well in the years ahead.

One thing that I’ve learned about uncomfortable truths is that you make life a whole lot harder for yourself when you pretend they aren’t real. You can waste a lot of precious time and energy trying to make something into what it is not. Once you stop fighting reality, everything becomes a lot easier. Youth is a beautiful part of life, and the discoveries we make when we are young are invaluable. They are the lessons and the memories that we will carry with us as we move into each new phase of our lives. It’s important to keep those lessons close to us, but it’s also important to let go of what no longer is, and to accept and prepare for what is to come.

As babies and toddlers, we were blissfully unaware of the fact that we were zooming ahead developmentally. As adolescents transitioning into teenagers, we were equipped only with the information the adults around us decided to share (for better or for worse), and our understanding of what was around the bend and how to deal with all the crazy changes we’d soon experience wasn’t up to us. This round, it’s our turn. When it comes to the next phase of our lives, the responsibility of preparation is solely ours. We have the opportunity to gather our resources, our abilities, all the wisdom we have gained over the years, and design a plan for healthy ageing that will help us stay strong while also making us more aware, more conscious, and more connected to ourselves and to one another.

Before we embark on this journey together I would like to offer a disclaimer: This is not an anti-ageing book. I’m not going to tell you how to trick time or reverse the ageing process in thirty days. Some books and articles about ageing claim that the latest groundbreaking discoveries can show you how to turn back the clock. Others offer strategies for making yourself look younger, or suggest that certain miracle foods or supplements are the newest fountain of youth. This is not that kind of book. This book takes a step back, to examine how the ageing process really works and how time will affect us physically and emotionally – because these two components of our health are inseparable.

What you will find in these pages is information and an ideology that I hope will help you find a new way of thinking about ageing. I don’t want you to live in fear of ageing, or beat yourself up about the fact that your body is doing something totally natural. I want to reframe the way that we, as women, talk about ageing. I want to offer a perspective that is healthier and more scientifically accurate than the fear- and shame-based conversation that permeates our culture.

What I want for you, for me, for all the women I care about – those I already know and those I haven’t yet met, those who are crossing the threshold into middle age now and those who are following behind us – is to be able to approach this subject with knowledge and with confidence instead of sheer terror and a heavier hand with the foundation. And by “knowledge”, I mean having the facts to live better, longer, and stronger. And by “confidence”, I mean having the ability to own our age instead of hiding from it or apologising for it. I’m not saying that ageing isn’t scary. It is. But we can prepare ourselves now for the changes that lie ahead.

I also want you to feel empowered to participate in the new conversation about ageing that is turning up everywhere. From public and private funds for scientific research to articles to podcasts to books like this one – everyone is curious to learn more about how we can age better. Part of the reason there’s such a sudden flurry of interest in how to age well is because this topic of ageing is still so new. As you will learn in the pages ahead, at this particular moment in the history of human evolution, our life expectancy is longer (#litres_trial_promo) than it has ever been. Our relationship with and our understanding of the ageing process is still unfolding.

The newness of the interest in ageing makes the exploration of this topic all the more challenging and all the more thrilling. So when Sandra and I set off on our journey, we went in with open, inquisitive, and studious minds. We talked with researchers and physicians and educators, and visited universities and research centres like the National Institutes of Health (NIH). And to our surprise we learned that although longevity is a relatively new phenomenon, the most scientifically vetted, cutting-edge ways of staying healthy and strong are actually not very new or complicated at all.

In fact, the best things we can do for ourselves as we grow older also happen to be some of our favourite things to do. Eating good food, developing our muscles, getting a good night’s sleep, loving other people, laughing, relaxing, finding joy in the world. These are the actions and activities that make us interesting people, curious people, strong people. Who doesn’t love a good meal with dear friends, or embracing a loved one? Who doesn’t love to laugh her ass off, or go for a long walk, or have a new adventure? How about taking a few moments to breathe deeply and let the cares of the day slip away? How nice does that sound?

To us, it sounds like a revelation. The best way to age well isn’t to worry about ageing. It is to live well.

Today we have a deeper understanding of how our body functions on a cellular level than ever before, and because of that, we can see how things like food, movement, rest, meditation, social connection, learning, and the overall enjoyment of life serve to make us stronger and healthier deep within our cells. That’s right – having a laugh has an actual impact on your cells. Spending time with good friends is beneficial for your cells. All those elements that make life beautiful and wonderful are good for you.

That’s why we wrote this book. To share the science of ageing. To provide the information you need to make choices that support your health as you age, which can help slow the rate at which you age, and in some cases, repair damage that has already been done. To help you understand the conversation about ageing, which is getting more and more robust each day. We are all ageing, you and I, and the sooner we come to terms with that, the more opportunities we can give ourselves to age with health and with joy.

The good thing about this journey is that even though the road ahead is unknown, you’re still travelling in the same direction: deeper and deeper into the depths of you. Along with signs of ageing, don’t you see signs of growth? Are you a stronger person than you were a decade ago, more knowledgeable, more in tune with who you are and what you need and who and what you love? Life comes with some sharp curves, and every journey has a few missed turns along the way. But there are also the scenic overlooks, where the horizon suddenly opens up, and you can admire the view and appreciate the hard work it took to get there.

Appreciating all the ways we can evolve over the years – the self-knowledge we develop, the skills and wisdom we accumulate, the relationships we build with others and with ourselves – these are the privileges of time. There’s no denying the decline that accompanies ageing. But growing older also offers opportunities. The idea we can grow stronger as we age – it feels good to me. It feels right. It feels possible.

And the new science of ageing backs that up.

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IN A BUSINESS THAT is obsessed with youth, I am no longer considered a young woman. This was made clear as soon as I hit the ripe old age of thirty-nine. I can’t tell you how many times a journalist asked me if as an actress, I was scared to turn forty. As these questions about my age seemed to become a consistent part of every press interview, I realized just how frightened we all are of getting older. We make jokes about it, or we see it as sad, as ugly, as dangerous.

The conversation we have around ageing in our culture feels very misplaced to me. Am I afraid to turn forty? These people who were asking about my age in front of a camera weren’t wondering if I was afraid that my health might decline after forty. They weren’t concerned that my organs might experience the effects of ageing. They weren’t asking what ageing means to me, as a woman, as a human being, as a living organism with an expiration date.

They were saying, “Aren’t you afraid that the death of your career is imminent because you don’t look twenty-five anymore?”

The funny thing is, those people who suggested that I’d reached my expiration date at an age when I still felt pretty damn good were actually doing me a real favour: they were jump-starting my thought process about what ageing is and what kind of impact it will have on me. The conclusion I came to was that as long as I get to keep on ageing, I’m pretty lucky. Not everyone has the opportunity to grow old. Some people die before they have a chance to celebrate another birthday.

So to answer the questions those journalists asked about how my opinion of myself has changed as my looks have changed, my answer is that ageing is a privilege and a gift. As we get older, I believe beauty appreciates, not depreciates. It grows, not fades. With age, I have developed a more nuanced understanding of what beauty really is. Beauty is not just something you are born with. Beauty is something you grow into.

As I start this next phase of my journey, I feel proud of where I’ve come from and curious about what’s ahead. I don’t know what life will hold for me. But I am ready. Because I know myself better than I did years ago, and I trust myself to make good decisions, or at least to do my best. Because I value the lessons that I’ve learned, especially in the last decade, and I look forward to seeing what kinds of new understandings the decades ahead will bring.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN ABOUT BEING BEAUTIFUL?

My first model of beauty was my mother. I don’t think I’m being partial when I say this: my mum is a beautiful woman. She has always had full lips, glowing skin, and blue eyes with a depth of grey that draws you in. She possesses the kind of beauty that shines from the inside out. So as far as I was concerned, she never needed any makeup, but like most other women, she had a “face” that she would apply daily. She would highlight her eyes, brighten her cheeks, and lengthen her lashes. She was so skilled in her routine that it took her exactly the same amount of time every morning to complete it, and her face always looked exactly the same after she had finished. What was even more impressive to me was how subtle but effective her application was at complementing her already luminous beauty.

When we were little, my sister and I loved watching our mum go through this routine and couldn’t wait to be old enough to learn how to do it ourselves. And once we were finally old enough – man, we really went for it. Subtlety may have been my mother’s gift, but there was little of that in our technique. There were many times when it would have been challenging to distinguish my sister and me from a pair of peacocks. It took years before we learned to refine our hand and apply our “face” a bit less liberally, and even more years before I understood what the point of this ritual really was.

Now I know that adornment is a natural instinct. All over the world, men and women alike invest in beauty rituals to make themselves more attractive. In the Serengeti, Masai warriors spend days decking themselves out in tribal gear, adorning themselves from head to toe with vibrantly coloured jewellery and clothing. They paint their faces and plait their hair in elaborate weaves. Some of this decoration serves as an indicator of each man’s position in the tribe, and some is simply for beauty’s sake – but in either case, the goal is to stand out from the crowd and attract a woman. It can take a warrior and a companion a week to apply the embellishments. A week! That’s a pretty significant amount of time for a man who’s also in charge of keeping his family’s livestock – and his family – safe from predators.

Why am I talking about the beauty rituals of men in a book meant for women? Because they help us understand that the desire to look beautiful, the drive to stand out, isn’t restricted by age or culture or gender. In fact, it’s not even restricted to humans. Animals also possess an instinct for visual attraction, as with the infamous peacock, the spirit animal of my earliest makeup attempts. Richly hued flowers flirt with insects who might spread their pollen near and far. Wanton trees and vines entice animals with beautiful, ripe fruit so the seeds can be dispersed. All of us, from birds to bees to humans, are hopelessly attracted to bright, shiny colours, which is why nature uses them to such great effect.

In the animal and plant kingdoms, beauty is an evolutionary imperative, but when it comes to humans, it is about so much more. Clothing and adornment and makeup can be part of a personal narrative, can be about belonging, about blending in, or about standing out. Beauty is an instinct we all share, but our definitions of what is beautiful and our expectations for ourselves and others are shaped, in part, by cultural and social values.

Throughout our lives, we are exposed to ideas about what beauty is, how important it is, and what we can do to make ourselves more beautiful. When we are young we are receptive to those ideas almost without realizing it.

THAT YOUTHFUL GLOW

When my sister and I were fifteen-year-olds painting on hot-pink lips and sparkly blue eyes in an attempt to look older, we were oblivious to the fact that most women actually apply makeup to look younger. When it comes to fifteen-year-olds, nature is in the habit of generously handing out rounded cheeks still plump with baby fat, bodies unaffected by gravity, and shiny, silky hair. Of course, as self-conscious teenagers, we never would have thought of ourselves as beautiful.

In fact, few women seem to fully recognize the attributes they possess when they possess them. I think we’ve all had the experience of looking at a picture that was taken ten years ago and thinking, “Wow! I was so young and pretty back then. But I know I didn’t feel that way when the picture was taken. Why didn’t I realize how great I looked?” The truth is that you didn’t appreciate how great you looked then because you weren’t thinking about where you were on your journey through life. That moment when you thought you looked “old”, when you were twenty-five or maybe thirty-five, is the same moment you are experiencing right now, when you are both the oldest you have ever been and the youngest you will ever be. And in ten years, when you look at a photo of yourself that was taken today, you will notice how young you look, and wonder why you didn’t realize it then. It’s just what we do.

When you possessed those attributes of youth, you also probably didn’t think about the fact that that they wouldn’t last forever. You probably couldn’t imagine that one day you would notice that your skin wasn’t as smooth as it used to be, or that the hair on your head was becoming less lustrous, or that random hairs were cropping up in strange places. You couldn’t possibly envision that your body would find itself on the losing end of gravity at some point. But there comes a time in all our lives when we become aware that we are starting to age. We find our first grey hair or notice laughter lines in the mirror that seem to have appeared overnight. And at that moment you might ask yourself: What the hell is going on?!

Well, dear female friend, what is happening to you is also happening to every living organism on the planet, because all living creatures age. The process can take one day, as in the case of the mayfly, or as long as 250 years, as with giant land tortoises. As soon as we are sexually mature enough to reproduce (#litres_trial_promo), ageing happens to us all. With each day that goes by, imperceptible changes are taking place within our cells, and as the decades accumulate, those changes begin to show up as streaks of grey, and as wrinkles, and in a lot of other superficial ways.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF ANTI-AGEING TREATMENTS

The desire to be forever young is not a modern-day preoccupation – just ask Ponce de León. Anti-ageing procedures have been around for millennia. Some are gross. Some are weird. Some rely, ironically, on dead people. And some, even more ironically, will actually kill you. Here’s a brief history of the anti-ageing industry.

Circa 70 BCE:

Cleopatra reputedly enjoyed facial masks made of readily available crocodile poop from the Nile.

Ancient Egyptians:

Used eye pencils made of lead (#litres_trial_promo), a heavy metal linked to skin diseases, infertility, and death.