Shock Waves

“And you couldn’t have shared that while I was freaking out?”

A rakish grin spread across his face. “Maybe I wanted to look big and bad in your eyes.”

“Aren’t you the macho one,” she said with dry sarcasm.

“And you love it.”

God help her, she did, even if she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting it. She looked around the area, set up with folding chairs, coolers packed with ice and drinks, tables on which sat several monitors projecting black-and-white images of the festival. A buffed guy in shorts and a tank top with the word Security on its back sat viewing one of the monitors. He nodded hello to Bill, went back to his work.

“I feel like I’m with the in crowd,” Ellie said, watching a group of people playing volleyball on one of the monitors. Maybe it was her imagination, but that brunette woman spiking the ball looked a lot like Candy.

“I know these guys from the Sin on the Beach set, where they work our security. I didn’t know that was their special entrance, though.” He looked over at the cooler. “Want a soda?”

“Should we—” But he was already heading over. Just like Bill to do what he wanted, screw the rules.

Watching him walk away made her forget any rules, too, as she admired the view. Broad, muscled back that narrowed to a fit waist. Great buns that shifted and moved under those khaki shorts. He had a bit of a bowlegged walk, like a cowboy, which made her smile. Unlike a cowboy, his legs were bare so she could see how compact and muscled they were.

She imagined gliding her palms down that muscled back, over that hard behind, around to his front where she’d dawdle…tease…explore….

He turned and she jerked her gaze up to his.

A slow, knowing grin danced across his face.

Caught. Well, so what? He’d probably seen plenty of women doing the same thing.

“Here you go,” he said a moment later as he handed her a cold can of pop. “And dig this. Meat loaf sandwiches. I helped us to one.” He handed a half to her. “Have a seat, relax.” He leaned against a table and started munching.

She looked over her shoulder. “Should we—”

He motioned for her to sit, giving her a knowing nod as he ate.

She did, realizing she was doing that good-girl, what-are-the-rules thing again, which would never go over with a guy like Bill, who claimed his territory on the fly. Reminded her of the boys back in the hood and their power plays over turf—be it a porch, a street corner, a park. She wondered if Bill realized how, despite his so-called new life, he was still a boy in the hood.

For the next few minutes, they ate and drank in silence.

“This is delicious,” she said, finishing a bite.

“You make meat loaf?”

She rolled her eyes. “Too busy. The only thing I make is coffee. You?”

“I make the best sandwiches this side of NewYork.”

“Humble, aren’t you?”

He grinned. “I prefer to call it truthful.”

The guy watching the monitors had flipped on a portable radio to an oldies but goodies station. The upbeat, sexy song, “Walk on the Wild Side,” started playing. Same tune she’d downloaded for her ringtone. Perfect background music for sneaking glances at Bill’s mouth as he nibbled and chewed, at his tongue as it flicked against his drink. She had no doubt he could do incredible things with that mouth in bed, too….

He lowered his soda. “Who’s singing this song?”

“Lou Reed.”

“That glam rock, punk guy?”

She heard the disdain in his voice, which put her off a bit. Not that Bill should like the things she liked, it was that he sounded so judgmental.

“That’s old news,” she said, not meaning to say it so sharply, or maybe she did. “These days, he’s respected for his songwriting, electronic music, even his style of rock and roll.”

He tapped his finger against the side of his drink. “I offended you.”

“Yes.” She shrugged. “You sounded critical.”

He stuffed the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth. After finishing, he said, “You’re honest. I like that. I’m honest, too, sometimes to a fault, but I like to be a man of my word, you know?”

Great. He revered honesty, and before him sat a woman whose very appearance was a lie. She took a sip of her drink, avoiding his eyes.

“I’m also a music dunce,” he continued. “I’ll listen to tunes when I want to quiet my mind or relax, but—” he shook his head “—it irritates me otherwise. Probably because I heard rap day and night back in the hood. It was like crackling static that never went away. Songs about violence and sex and killing cops. I hated it. Ruined my appreciation for other kinds of music, I guess.”

She remembered hearing rap when she was outside, but her world inside her bedroom was a sanctuary of what she liked—be it books or listening to Lou Reed or painting lyrics on her ceiling to her mother’s annoyance. “Shame that happened. Music has often been my greatest solace.”

“Lucky you.”

For a moment they stared at each other, the sounds of the festival receding into the background, leaving the two of them suspended in a time capsule that encompassed the past and the present. She still saw the boy she’d been so crazy about, dark and handsome with a head full of dreams. But she also saw the man he’d become. Tougher, more cynical. A man who’d lost an appreciation of something as sweet and healing as music because he couldn’t get past the grating static of his past.

She’d never imagined being with him again wouldn’t be perfect. Of course, she was pitting her girlhood fantasies—which were always perfect—against the woman’s newfound reality. And what she was learning was that for all the glowing feelings she experienced around Bill, there were also the darker ones.

Were they so dark she didn’t want to stay? Because it’d be easy to make a lame excuse, walk away, dust her hands of the childhood fantasy.

She watched as he picked up their trash and tossed it in a receptacle, called out a thanks to Sam, patted the back of the guy who was still watching the monitors. Funny. For all his toughness, he was a caretaker. Just like her.

“Ready?” he said.

“For what?”

“For whatever’s out there, of course.” He gestured toward the tent opening that led to the festival.

Whoever said life had no guarantees should have added it would always have its fair share of confusion, too. Sometimes all that mattered was making a choice and hoping you made the right one. Okay, so he wasn’t the boy of her childhood dreams; she wasn’t the girl who’d dreamed them, either.

She took his hand, ready for whatever happened next.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER, they were walking down the midway. It was midafternoon, but the sun was still broiling as though it were high noon. Girls in bikinis and guys in shorts roamed the midway. Coconut-scented suntan lotion competed with the tangy salt air. Barkers and carnies pitched rides and games against a background of calliopes.

Bill interlaced his fingers with hers as he steered her through the crowd. Maybe because she typically dated more artistic types, or because she was accustomed to running her own business, she wasn’t used to a guy taking the lead. She had to admit, though, that she liked his take-control attitude as he wove through the crowd, sometimes sheltering her past groups of partiers, other times hugging her close for no apparent reason.

Like she needed one.

“Hey you! Ms. Smoke and Fire! Black fishnet over the red bikini!”