The Person Controller

“I know that, Ellie. But you tried your best. It wasn’t your fault that Isla’s arm is quite long.”

This was a reference to the fact that, while Fred was getting his dead leg and his elbow drill and his wedgie, Isla had been holding an arm out and blocking Ellie from getting close enough to help her brother by putting her palm on Ellie’s forehead. Ellie had swung her arms a few times, but sadly got nowhere near landing any punches.

“Anyway, where’s the laptop?” Fred said.

They both looked around. It wasn’t on the shelf any more. It was on the floor next to some scrunched-up sweet wrappers that had fallen out of the bin. It had landed upside down, in the shape of a tiny tent.

“Oh my God!” said Ellie.

She lifted it up carefully, as if it was a bird whose wings had folded down across its body after an injury. But it was fine when she turned it round. More than fine actually. The screen seemed to be glowing brighter than ever.

And on the screen the browser had clicked through to a new page on which was shown this:

It was an amazing-looking controller. It was black, but with blue lines running across its body. There weren’t four buttons on the top right-hand side, as normal, but six; and they weren’t lettered, or numbered, or ordinary colours: red and green and yellow. They were jewelled: silver and gold and diamond and emerald and amber and ruby.

The control stick, which also had a jewelled top, appeared to be reaching out of the screen, as if in 3D. Its central button had no recognisable trademark, but just an image of something. It might have been a person, or an animal, or a ghost dancing.

“Wow …” said Fred.

“Yeah. Wow …” said Ellie. She clicked on the screen for a closer view.

At which point the blue lines running across the body of the controller lit up and began to pulse. The blue light washed across Ellie and Fred’s spellbound faces.

“What is this website?” said Fred.

“I don’t know.” Ellie was still staring enraptured at the screen. “But I do know that this … is my controller.”

“Really?” said Fred.

“Yes,” said Ellie. “I can feel it.”

Fred nodded. He knew there was no point in arguing with Ellie when she had set her mind on something.

“OK … but … how do we pay for it?”

Ellie frowned. “Uh …”

A link popped up that simply said:

So she did.

There was a moment of computer fuzz. And then, in a little window next to the controller, a man, bald but with long hair at the back, wearing very small square sunglasses and a head mic, appeared on screen. He looked directly at the twins.

“I am … oh blast. Wait a minute.” He flicked a switch on his head mic.

“I am …” he said again, but now his voice had a slight electronic echo, “… the Mystery Man!!”

Fred and Ellie exchanged glances.

“Right …” said Ellie. “Nice to meet you.”

The man nodded. There was a long pause. The Mystery Man seemed to be sizing them up from inside the screen. Eventually, he said, “Answer me this: are you nerds?”

“Sorry?” said Ellie.

“Are you … NERDS?!!” he said, more loudly.

Fred and Ellie looked at each other. They took in each other’s V-necks, glasses and braces. They thought for a moment about their joint liking for superheroes, comics, Japanese fantasy animation films, maths and video games. And they realised that the answer was:

“Well, yes. I suppose so,” said Ellie.

“Yes, I suppose so too,” said Fred.

“No, that’s not good enough,” said the Mystery Man from the laptop screen. “You need to say it loud and say it proud. You need to own it. So once more: are you … NERDS?!”

Fred and Ellie looked at each other again. Ellie shrugged.

“Actually,” she said, “we’ve got these other friends …”

“Sort-of friends,” said Fred.

“… yes … and they’re probably more nerdy than us …”

“The iBabies? They’re too young,” said the Mystery Man. “I’m not interested in them.”

Ellie made a face. “Rude,” she said.

“Can we get on?” said the Mystery Man. “Are you or are you not … NERDS?!”

Fred and Ellie looked at each other for a third time. They didn’t have to speak to each other to know what they were going to do.

“YES!” they said, turning back to the screen. “WE ARE NERDS!!”

The Mystery Man nodded, seeming finally satisfied. He reached down somewhere below the little window and pressed a button. A mysterious-sounding chord – like something from the soundtrack of an old horror film – played tinnily.

“Then you, Ellie and Fred Stone …” the Mystery Man continued, “… are the new owners of … the Controller!!!”

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The Mystery Man reached down and played the chord again. When it was over, Ellie said: “How do you know our names?”

“Or,” said Fred, “Scarlet and Stirling’s ages?”

“Or the fact that we call them the iBabies?”

“Do not ask questions of the Mystery Man,” he intoned solemnly.

“What’s your real name?” said Fred.