Boundaries: Step Four: Your Family and other Animals

When children are small, they may not fully realise that this is not healthy parenting. At some level this may be displayed in physical signs of anxiety such as bedwetting, persistent nightmares, or playing running away games. For the child, the penny may not fully drop until they begin to interact with other people’s families – and see how their friends are allowed to be themselves. This might include choosing what activities they want to do, voicing opinions without fear, being allowed to be vegetarian or not, being relaxed and noting the difference in the home.

Adolescence may be particularly volatile in an Overstepper home, thanks to the invigorating effect of hormones. A son who has always been physically punished may suddenly fight back. A daughter might run away for real. This is the time when you first begin to feel separate and different, naturally yearning towards more independence and developing your own opinions. But that inevitably leads to more clashes as the Oversteppers resent being challenged.