Hopelessly Devoted To You

‘Of course you didn’t.’ Jan put an arm around Ruby’s shoulders, patting her on the hand in a reassuring manner, putting a halt to Ruby’s faltering explanation.

‘None of this is your fault, Ruby. It’s just one of those things. A twist of fate. A freak accident.’

They both turned to look at Finn’s body on the bed, the plethora of equipment around him a constant beeping reminder that it was the only thing keeping him alive. But for how long? Would Finn ever wake up and be the same man she’d known and adored? She sighed, her gaze travelling out of the small window overlooking the city.

‘There’s no point blaming yourself,’ Jan went on. ‘Finn wouldn’t want that. He’ll tell you that just as soon as he’s back with us. You’ll see.’

Would he? wondered Ruby. She was probably the last person in the world Finn would want to see when he woke up. The expression on his face when he’d turned to look at her just before his fateful fall, a look that was now etched on her mind, suggested that he didn’t want to have anything to do with her ever again.

‘I’ll stay with him tonight, if that’s all right? I’d like to be there when he wakes up.’

‘Of course. You can stay as long as you like. I expect we’ll be here too.’ Gerry laid his hand on her shoulder. ‘But you heard what the doctor said. I have a suspicion that it could be a little while before Finn comes round. We might want to take turns at Finn’s bedside for a few days at least. Why don’t you get home, Ruby, and try and get some rest? We can phone you if there’s any change in his condition.’

‘I don’t want to leave him. What if…?’ Her words trailed away, not wanting to voice the terror of her fears that had been playing over and over in her mind.

‘I know you don’t, but honestly there’s nothing you can do here.’ Gerry’s tone was warmly reassuring. She could imagine Finn saying the same thing if he were here in Gerry’s place. What wouldn’t she give to have Finn at her side now, offering his usual, solid presence?

‘Look, we’ll stay with him tonight. And we promise, if there’s even the slightest change, we’ll give you a call. Why don’t you come back in the morning and do the day shift? You’ve had a tough couple of hours. You look as though you could do with catching up on your sleep.’ He stroked her cheek tenderly and she felt her eyes fill with tears again.

Now he mentioned it, Ruby realised how utterly exhausted she felt. She looked down at Finn, her heart filling with sadness. He looked beautiful. If it weren’t for all the tubes and the unfamiliar surroundings, she could just imagine that he was lying in her double bed, sleeping in on one of their lazy weekend mornings. She suppressed a sigh. Whatever happened to Finn now, she knew there’d be no more of those special mornings; her actions tonight had put paid to that, one way or the other.

‘You promise you’ll call me?’

‘Of course we will.’ Gerry took hold of her hand with one of his, and slipped his other hand into his wife’s palm, gently squeezing their fingers in a show of strength and unity. She knew they must both be experiencing the same sense of fear and desolation that she was feeling. Finn was their only child. The light in their lives. If that light were to go out, Ruby knew there’d only be one person to blame. Even if they could ever find it in their hearts to forgive her, she knew she’d never be able to forgive herself.

Chapter Four (#ulink_433a923e-934a-5f5d-89ca-73333ea02a6e)

Ruby climbed out of the taxi, paid the driver and stood looking up at her block of flats, contemplating for a moment at how unremarkable the building appeared. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but she hadn’t been prepared for how normal everything looked after what had been an earth-shattering event to Ruby. Why hadn’t the bricks crumbled? Why were the lights still shining inside? How come people were still going about their business as though none of this had ever happened? Ruby’s life had spun on its axis, yet life seemed to be going on as normal for everyone else.

‘Ru-bee!’ The shriek came from across the other side of the road and Ruby turned to see Laura waving, running towards her, a big smile on her face. ‘Hi, darling, where have you been? I’ve been knocking on your door for the last ten minutes and you’ve not been picking up your mobile. I was getting worried. Thought you might have bottled out again and disappeared into the sunset with Finn.’ Laura’s sunny expression clouded as soon as she got close to Ruby. ‘Oh, God, you look like death! What’s the matter? What’s happened? Did it not go well?’

‘No, Laura. It didn’t go well. It was awful, just awful.’

Ruby was shaking now, her teeth chattering, her whole body finally giving into the enormity of what had happened.

‘Crikey, look at you,’ said Laura, taking her jacket off and placing it round Ruby’s shoulders. ‘You’re shivering. Let’s get you inside and you can tell me all about it.’

‘I can imagine how bad it was.’ Laura steered her through the double doors of the apartment block out of the cold. ‘But at least you’ve done it now. It was never going to be easy, but you’ll feel better about it after a good night’s sleep. Honestly, you will.’

She had no idea, thought Ruby. No idea, whatsoever. At the moment she couldn’t imagine a time when she would ever feel better about it. She wasn’t sure she could even face telling Laura what had happened, having to go over all the gory details for another time. They walked together up the three flights of stairs, with Ruby trying to eradicate on one side the soothing words coming from her worried friend and, on the other side, the images tormenting her mind of Finn’s helpless body tumbling down the stairs. Breathless and heady when she reached her flat, she fumbled with the key in her door, desperate to get inside and away from the unwelcome reminders in the hallway.

She fell into the flat followed by Laura, who Ruby knew was doing her best not to bombard Ruby with a dozen questions.

As soon as she was inside Ruby’s legs gave way beneath her and she leant against the nearest wall for support, her body slinking down to the floor. All the anger and energy she’d been holding onto flooded out in a tumble of tears.

Laura crouched down onto her haunches beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

‘Come on, Ruby. You can’t sit here. Come through into the living room. I’ll make you a cup of tea. Have you had anything to eat?’

Ruby rolled her eyes in the direction of the dinner table.

‘Oh, yes, of course. I’d forgotten about that. Well, maybe a coffee, then,’ she said, clocking the empty wine bottles.

Ruby fell onto the sofa, dropping her head onto a cushion and drawing her knees up to her chin. She stayed in that position for a few minutes before Laura reappeared with the coffees and a plate of biscuits. Unfortunately, heartbreak had never put Ruby off her food, only causing the opposite effect, and she eagerly helped herself to a Hobnob.

‘So, come on, then. Do you want to tell me what happened?’

Through tears Ruby told her the sequence of events. Hearing her own words and seeing Laura’s horrified expression at the unfolding of the story, she still could hardly believe it herself. It had gone from an almost romantic dinner à deux to Finn fighting for his life within a few moments.

‘I can’t believe it.’ Laura buried her head in her hands. ‘Not Finn. It doesn’t seem possible. What did the doctors say?’

‘He’s in a coma. They’re not sure of the extent of the damage he’s done to his brain. They won’t know that until he wakes up. If he wakes up…’

Laura visibly flinched before jumping up from her seat and throwing her arms round Ruby in a bear-crushing hug. ‘Of course, he’ll wake up. We have to be positive about this. He’s a fit, strong man. He’s had a nasty fall, that’s all. A couple of days and he’ll be sitting up in bed charming the socks off all the nurses.’

‘I don’t know,’ sighed Ruby, at last voicing the fear that had been residing in her heart ever since Finn had landed in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs. ‘I’m not sure I share your confidence. The doctors were very cagey about his prognosis. This is all my fault, you know that.’

‘Don’t be silly.’ Laura delved into her jacket pocket and pulled out a grotty used tissue, using it to mop the tears from Ruby’s eyes.

‘You mustn’t blame yourself. You weren’t to know this would happen. Honestly, Ruby, you have nothing to feel guilty about.’

‘I do blame myself though. Wouldn’t you know, the day I choose to tell him we’re finished is the day he’s offered a partnership at his firm?’

‘Really?’ Laura grimaced. ‘Oh, no!’

‘I know. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should never have done it.’ She fell silent for a moment before casting her gaze at Laura. ‘I wish you hadn’t talked me into doing it.’

‘Woah, wait a minute!’ Laura sat up straight on the sofa, pulled her shoulders back and turned to face Ruby. ‘I’m really sorry for what’s happened to Finn, but don’t you dare go laying the blame on me. I didn’t ask you to do it. This is what you wanted, Ruby. Or have you forgotten that? What about all those late-night conversations we had? About whether or not Finn was the one. I think you came to the pretty decisive conclusion that he wasn’t.’

‘I know, I know.’ She tipped her head back against the sofa, exasperation colouring her words. ‘I’m sorry, but I think I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life. The last thing I wanted was for Finn to be hurt like this. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn’t think he’d be that upset. Finn’s not the type of man to be on his own for long. I thought he’d walk away, nursing his wounded pride, and then a few months down the line he’d meet another lawyer type, someone he could live out his happy ever after with. Now not only have I given him a broken heart, he’s got a broken head too.’

Laura’s mouth twisted in a smile.

‘Look, it’s happened and all the talking in the world isn’t going to change that. You’re just going to have to deal with the here and now, both of you.’

Ruby sighed, her bones aching with exhaustion, her skin now free of the make-up she’d applied earlier, all the tears she’d shed having wiped her face clean. Her eyelids closed involuntarily, but immediately her mind was flooded by thoughts of Finn’s accident. Her eyes pinged open again; she didn’t want to face those images yet. She felt a warm surge of gratitude that Laura was here, looking at her fondly.

‘You look lovely,’ she said, noticing for the first time that Laura was wearing a floral floaty dress and only just realising the significance of such a rare event. ‘Oh, my goodness, your date! How did it go?’

Laura shrugged and rolled her eyes heavenwards.

‘It was a disaster. Yep, I know, another one. I’m coming to expect nothing less.’

‘Really? I thought you had high hopes for…what was his name…Max?’

She nodded.

‘I did, but I didn’t like him.’ She shuddered and pulled a face. ‘He did this weird thing of talking in different voices. He would just change accent mid-conversation. It was part of his act apparently, but over a get-to-know-you drink it was all a bit odd. It was as though he had multiple-personality disorder.’