How to Say Goodbye

‘Or, even worse, imagine if the florist made a mistake with the spelling! Grace?’

‘Sorry,’ I shook my head. ‘I was miles away.’

‘Please tell me it was some delicious daydream about an attractive man?’

‘Er, no.’

She let out a deep sigh followed by a wink. ‘Shame. Well you were certainly lost in some deep thought. You need to watch you don’t get wrinkles frowning away like that.’

I raised my eyebrows dramatically to iron out any creases. ‘Sorry, very rude of me. What were you saying about flowers?’

‘That can wait. Come on, tell me what’s on your mind. I’ve not seen you looking so perplexed before.’

I wafted a hand. ‘It’s just a work thing.’

‘Linda?’

‘No – listen, it doesn’t matter.’

‘Oh blimey, Grace, will you spit it out? A problem shared is a problem halved.’

I took a deep breath. Over the many months of Ms Norris’s weekly visits we had built up an odd friendship, one I felt that I could trust enough with what was going on in my head.

‘Well, I feel like I need to do something to attract more business. Linda is doing a really good job at bringing in more prepaid funeral plans, and I just feel like I’m letting the side down.’

‘Ah, and how is Lovely Linda managing to go about this?’

‘Cold calling mostly.’

She let out a sort of ‘pfft’ noise.

Linda had no fear of calling a very recent widower, or grieving parents, and making it seem like she was helping by reminding them they ought to be considering their own funeral plans. I was much happier in my comfort zone of funeral planning, and getting lost in the detail of personal preparations. I thought it best to leave the families to focus on their grief after the funeral, not to be pestering them to think about how they wanted their own big day to be.

I found it unbelievably tough to ask someone if they’d thought about their own death and, if so, what they wanted their funeral to be like. Of course, I knew how important it was to get things laid out and decisions made so you didn’t burden those left behind, but it’s still not something people actively choose to think about. Judging by Frank’s latest team meeting, I was going to have to get over this, and quickly, whether I liked it or not. My stomach churned at the thought of it.

Ms Norris scrunched up her neat nose, thinking. ‘Hmm. Well, you both have different skill sets so the key would be to maximise on yours. I read that once, in a Bella magazine article, I think. Anyway, what I’m saying is that you’re a people person. You’re excellent at planning and have a lovely bedside manner. So, do that.’

‘Sorry? Do what?’

‘Well, I imagine many people are fascinated by what you do, but don’t have a clue what that actually is. Why don’t you tap into that and use it as a way to break some of the negative stereotypes people must have, as well as encouraging people to get their funeral plans in place?’

I looked at her blankly.

‘What I’m thinking is for you to host a sort of Ask a Funeral Arranger event. You could make it a nice and relaxed evening with a friendly, informative Q and A, to show people how warm and lovely you are so they don’t feel like they’ll be getting the hard sell. In fact, you don’t need to sell anything. Just being you will be enough.’

I tried to hide the snort that escaped as she said that. ‘I’m not sure.’

‘We could pick some of your excellent bakes and serve them with tea and coffee – that would certainly bring the crowds in! I know no one can resist a slice of your apple flapjack.’

‘Your apple flapjack,’ I corrected her.

I appreciated her help, but there was no way I could stand up in a room full of strangers. The thought alone made me feel itchy and uncomfortable. My preferred position was behind the scenes; Linda was the one who took centre stage.

‘You don’t give yourself enough credit. I’m sure you would surprise yourself. Right, I’d best be getting on, but think about my idea. I’d make sure to come along so at least you would know one friendly face!’

‘Thank you.’

I led her to the front door and helped her with her coat. Her heart was in the right place, even if her suggestions were a little off the mark.

‘Oh, and Grace?’ I turned to see a wide smile on her cheeks. ‘Happy birthday.’

She patted a five-pound note into my hands and left.

Chapter 4 (#ulink_7864ed05-9ea8-5241-bcef-75df17cee489)

Most of my morning had been spent on the phone to the crematorium, trying to stay calm as they explained that staff shortages had meant a host of unexpected delays. They also, like everyone else, tried to blame the recent snow flurries for interfering with their schedule. I downed my second cup of strong coffee, more than my daily quota, just to get me through the nerves of passing on this bad news to the families desperate to lay their loved ones to rest. Each phone call only brought frustration that I couldn’t do more. I also still had to work out a way to get some prepaid funeral plans under my belt. It had been a week since our last staff meeting and I had brought in precisely zero, to Linda’s three. I’d be taking Ms Norris up on her Ask a Funeral Arranger idea at this rate.

My stomach grumbled so I decided to take a break and have some lunch. I was tucking into a tuna salad when there was a ring on the doorbell. I stopped chewing and peered at the intercom. Frank had positioned it too high, so all I could see was the dark blonde head of a tall man bobbing around the entrance. I double-checked the calendar on my desk; we didn’t have anything in the diary. Swallowing too quickly, a piece of romaine lettuce lodged in my throat as I pressed the buzzer.

‘I’ll be right there,’ I rasped, taking my finger from the button to cough louder.

I hurriedly flicked through the diary again. Usually, family visits were arranged so we could make sure they went undisturbed and – crucially – ensure that we wouldn’t be talking with our mouths full of lunch. I scanned Linda’s messy desk and saw a Post-it note stuck to the bottom of her laptop screen. Callum Anderson visit, 27th @1pm. That must be the man bobbing up and down on the doorstep. Cursing Linda and her haphazard organisation style, I stood up and straightened my skirt.

‘Good afternoon, so sorry to keep you –’ The apology froze in my mouth. The man in front of me was wrapped in a light grey shearling jacket and was very handsome. I wasn’t good at dealing with handsome.

‘I think I’m a little early. Callum Anderson? I spoke to, er, Linda, I think?’

His deep voice was strained. His bloodshot light blue eyes, behind tortoiseshell glasses, refused to meet mine, and he was wringing his hands together so vigorously I thought he’d pull the skin off.

‘Hello, yes, please come in, Callum. I’m Grace, Grace Salmon,’ I offered a hand that he took with a strong, firm grip.

His clean, navy trainers were planted outside, as if by stepping over the doormat it would all become real. He teetered cautiously for a few seconds longer, unsure of me and this whole terrifying process he was about to embark on.

‘Salmon?’ His jaw was tense but his lips curled ever so slightly.

‘Yes, like the fish.’ Growing up, I had hated my surname. But here, in this job, it brought light relief to those who needed to make that first step into my world, and their unknown future. If I could provoke a hint of a smile with my ridiculous name then that more than made up for the years of teasing at school. ‘Would you like to come through? I’ve just made coffee, if you want one?’

I held the door open wider. He nodded then moved one foot over the step and into the neutrally decorated room.

‘Er, yeah, coffee would be great.’ He cleared his throat, glancing at the framed picture of a woodland in spring on the wall opposite.

Inoffensive, Linda had claimed as she’d roughly banged a nail into the wall when she went through the last redesign in here. It was marginally better than the daffodils in a watering can that had been there previously.

‘Black, no sugar. Thank you.’

After he was seated, I went to get the necessary paperwork and made us both a drink, knowing neither would get touched but that at least it would be something to hold onto. As the coffee machine whirred to life I scanned Linda’s desk again, hoping for something other than just Callum’s name to inform me who he was here for. Usually the initial telephone call covered the details we needed, so I wouldn’t have to go over old ground, asking people to repeat fresh, painful information that burned their tongue. But there was nothing in amongst Linda’s doodled drawings, half-finished crossword puzzles and scribbled shopping lists.

I returned to the room, bracing myself to ask Callum for the details of why he was here, again. He was hurriedly tapping out a message on his phone.