e: A Novel

re… hippie dipstick

Leave it to me. I’ll have a word in her shell-like.

Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 11.33am

to… Pinki Fallon

cc… Liam O’Keefe

bcc… David Crutton

re… Coke

Pinki, I respect your principles, but we really need you and Liam playing ball with l’equipe ‘A’ on this one. Can I say a couple of things before you make up your mind?

Naturellement, we share your concerns vis-à-vis the Coke/Mammon scenario. It is a vexing state of affairs.

David promises to register forcefully our feelings when next he meets their people.

Secondly, if we do not win it, people will lose their jobs.

I am certain you would not want additions to the unemployment statistics to prey on your mind.

I hope we will see you at the 12.00.

Si

Pinki Fallon – 3/1/00, 11.39am

to… Simon Horne

cc… Liam O’Keefe; David Crutton

re… Coke

I phoned Master Shenkar and he’s cool. I know this account is worth more than the GNP of Guatemala, but David won’t accept the business unless we can present them with a more holistic alternative to capitalist imperialism, will he?

David Crutton – 3/1/00, 11.41am

to… Pinki Fallon

cc…

re… Coke

Trust me, I’m an adman. See you at the meeting.

Susi Judge-Davis – 3/1/00, 11.56am

to… Creative Department

cc…

re… Coke

Please make your way to the Coke briefing in the boardroom. Simon asks you to bring pads and not to be late.

Zoë Clarke – 3/1/00, 12.30pm

to… Carla Browne

cc…

re… that bastard!!!

Un-fucking-believable!!!!! Have you heard what the bastard, Crettin, did to Fi? She’s gone!!!!! He made her clear her desk that minute. She didn’t even have time to meet me in the loo for a good cry!!!!!! Can’t believe he fired her on a bank holiday!!!!! We shouldn’t even be here!!!!! The story is he did it ’cos she couldn’t make his stupid e-mail work!! Incredible!!!! I’ve been trying to get her on her mobile all morning. She must be able to do him for wrongful something or other. Let’s talk at lunch!!!!!!! See you in Bar Zero? Zxxx

Carla Browne – 3/1/00, 12.35pm

to… Zoë Clarke

cc…

re… that bastard!!!

I heard, poor cow!! Doesn’t that shit know this is a bad time for her – did you see how much she put on over Christmas? And, apart from her weight, she was a fucking brilliant PA. Anyway, no chance of me coming to lunch. I’ve still got the hangover from hell – glad these bloody millennium thingys only come once every ten years. And I’ve got to start Desperate Dan’s Coke presentation. God, you should see this document. Bloody sodding pie charts everywhere!!!!!!!! Who reads this bollocks? Looks like I’ll be in all night – bang goes step. If you get hold of Fi, e me back with details!!!! I feel so sorry for her!! Cxxx

Liam O’Keefe – 3/1/00, 12.42pm

to… Brett Topowlski

cc…

re… tossers

Is the Coke brief the biggest wank-off yet, or what? Do Crutton and Westbrooke really think we can write decent ads on a strategy like that? ‘Coke: lifeblood’ – what the fuck does it mean? And what’s a ‘carbonated lifestyle delivery system’ when it’s at home? Even Pinki says it stinks. Major worry – I rely on her magic touch with shit briefs. See you in BZ in fifteen and we’ll talk tits: i.e. how the fuck I can get Joanne Guest’s award winning baps into a Kimbelle Super Dri ad without Pinki having me up for Grievous Political Incorrectness.

Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 12.45pm

to… Creative Department

cc… David Crutton; Daniel Westbrooke

re… arses in gear 2

I am sure you will join me in thanking David and Daniel for a staggeringly inspirational briefing.

‘Coke: lifeblood’ is a truly incisive strategy – one that gives you the chance to do some really famous work.