Take My Hand

“Guess I’ll never be a good dad.”

“Why do you say that?” Alexis asked.

He hadn’t really intended on getting into a discussion with Miss Richmond on this subject right now; he didn’t want her to dig too deep.

But he did need help. Only God knew how much.

He swallowed the last of his coffee and looked around to catch Tina’s eye for a refill, to no avail. Tina chatted with a customer at the far end of the counter. He couldn’t find any excuse for postponement from that direction.

“Can’t make the kid mind,” he finally said. On his side of the table he shoved his knife and fork from place to place. It was embarrassing to voice all his failures. He wasn’t used to it. “He doesn’t listen and I lose my temper. I have no patience.”

“James…”

It came softly from her lips, implying intimacy. Caught off guard, he glanced up. She held his gaze and wouldn’t let go. He felt his stomach go south.

“You don’t mind if I call you James, do you? Instead of J.D.?”

“Nah,” he mumbled. “Guess not.”

“Well, James, may I ask you a few questions?”

Amusement tugged at the corners of his mouth. Questions? She hadn’t asked permission before now. “Teachers do, don’t they?” He smiled.

“Yes, I suppose they do,” she said ruefully. “Often. Okay, since you don’t mind… Did Cliff listen to you when you and his mother were together?”

“Nope.” Now he felt worse. He hadn’t thought much about that before. “Never did, I guess. Even when he was two or three. I couldn’t… Guess I never got the hang of being a good dad.”

He’d left too much for Melanie to take care of while he worked two jobs to support them. At the time, he’d thought that enough.

“Now I don’t know what to do next,” he admitted, ashamed that he couldn’t seem to find a pathway that worked.

“Parenting is always one step at a time,” she commented. “Nobody learns it in one fell swoop. Besides, I don’t know any perfect parents. All of them make a mistake or two.”

“Yeah, but I…” His pent-up breath pained him as he let it go. “I have to admit I haven’t been around much for the boy. None at all these past years.”

“Why was that?” she asked. Her gentleness in asking the question wiped out whatever sense of intrusion he might normally have felt.

“Seemed easy enough when that’s what his mother wanted.” He shrugged. The excuses he’d used all these years no longer seemed valid, even to himself. “Didn’t see much sense in letting Cliff see us at our worst. Fighting all the time. But if I’d taken more interest, maybe Cliff wouldn’t be such a mess now.”

“James, you couldn’t have prevented all of Cliff’s problems. Even the best of parents can have children with a hyperactivity disorder or some kind of learning disability.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…now the complete evaluation hasn’t yet been done, but I think your son has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder—ADHD. He’s a child who simply can’t pay attention or control his impulses.”

“You mean, he’s not just spoiled?”

Alexis chuckled. “Oh, he’s a bit spoiled, all right. I suspect he’s been given his own way all too often. He does seem to think he’s entitled to indulge his every whim. But it’s not beyond repair.”

“What you’re telling me is…this isn’t all my fault?” A sudden hope sparked his thoughts. He sat straighter and leaned forward.

“Not at all. He simply needs specialized teaching. Direction for studies, specific direction for his social exchanges.”

“Specific directions?” His heart beat with an out-of-sequence ping. What she was telling him made real sense.

“Like how? What…what can I do?”

“For one thing, you can set firm, consistent boundaries for him at home, then stick to them. But…not with spanking, please. There are other disciplines to use. We’ll do the same for him at school. We’ll do our best to teach him to focus on his studies.”

“You think he’ll improve then?”

“I think there’s a one-hundred-percent probability.”

“What else?”

“I think…” She hesitated, tucking her chin in and biting her lip. “I don’t want to step over the line here, James. I’m Cliff’s teacher, not a psychologist.”

“Tell me. Please. I don’t need any of the usual professional jargon.”

“It’s only my opinion.”

“And I asked for it, Alexis.” All at once it didn’t feel at all awkward to address her by her given name. And more to the point, she didn’t seem to notice. He watched the way she pressed her lips together, the way she folded her hands in front of her, teacherlike, making up her mind to say what she honestly thought.

“Have you talked with him, yet, about the loss of his mother?”

That one surprised him. “Not more than a few words. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.”

Alexis thought about that a moment. “Perhaps that will come later. After he trusts you more. Meanwhile, I think Cliff is in need of lots of love.”

“Love? I love the boy.”

“Yes, I’m sure you do. But you need to show him some affection, James.”

“Affection?”

“Hugs. A pat on the back. Show that you care.”

Hugs? Cliff was nine years old. Hugging a boy child of nine seemed— Wasn’t that too old? But he could manage pats on the back, he supposed.

Tina was heading their way with their order.

“I’d bet Cliff would even still welcome a nighttime tuck-in before he sleeps,” Alexis said.

“Tuck him in?” he mumbled. “At nine?” That was really stretching it, but…

“Here you go,” Tina said, putting dishes on the table.

Alexis smiled with an encouragement that lit his heart like a Roman candle. What did he have to lose by trying her methods?