His Girl Next Door: The Army Ranger's Return / New York's Finest Rebel / The Girl from Honeysuckle Farm

Or maybe she was too scared to tell him.

Either way, it was her secret and she had no intention of divulging it.

But after the way he’d left today, like he was fleeing a burning wreckage, she didn’t know when they’d be seeing each other again. If ever.

“Jess?”

She looked up as Bella crossed her arms and leaned against the door of her studio. Jess sighed. Today had definitely not gone as planned.

“You have some serious explaining to do,” her friend said.

CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_b323648d-c04c-53df-9499-9252aa37d5a4)

Jessica,

I don’t know how you know so much about loss or dealing with pain, but you’ve helped me more than I could ever tell you. Having a friend to write to, someone to just hang out with in the normal world, makes all the difference to me. I love what I do, wouldn’t give it up for the world, but sometimes it helps to have someone non-army to talk to.

You do realize I’m gonna owe you big-time when I come home. Dinner, drinks, whatever you want, but you writing to me has given me a boost, and that only makes me a better soldier. I was starting to think I was too old for war, but it’s like I’ve been recharged.

So think about it. When I finally leave this place and come home, my shout. Whatever you want. And I promise not to talk about me or ask you for any more advice. Okay? Ryan

RYAN SAT IN the car and watched the throng of kids as they spilled out from the building. He couldn’t see George, but then that was hardly a surprise. The boy would probably hide in class to avoid having to get in the car with his dad.

But Ryan was patient. He’d wait here as long as he had to. Besides, it wasn’t as if he didn’t have enough on his mind to keep him occupied.

Jessica.

Today had started out so well and ended so … badly. He closed his eyes and leaned back into the seat. He thumped his hand on the wheel. Ow! Sometimes he forgot he was meant to be recuperating, that he couldn’t use his arm like that. It hurt badly sometimes, ached, bothered him when he was uptight or unsure.

He hated not being strong and capable. It wasn’t that he was weak, but he’d always been the tough guy, the one who could be counted on physically and mentally in the worst of situations.

And it wasn’t like it was only his arm troubling him. His head was messed up, too, especially after his behavior earlier.

Somehow he’d managed to screw today up. Jessica was supposed to be the easy part, the simple meeting of a friend. How wrong he’d been.

Why was being back so hard? He was so good at being a soldier, it came so naturally to him. Ryan swallowed and looked out the window.

Being a dad had come naturally to him once, too.

So had being a husband.

But that felt like another lifetime ago. Like he could just hold on to it as a long-distant memory, but it was starting to fade. Fast.

Ryan jumped at a knock on the car window.

He cursed, then pushed the button to wind down the window and acknowledge George’s teacher. “You frightened the life out of me!”

“Sorry.” The young man smiled, holding out his hand.

Ryan opened the door and got out, shaking the teacher’s hand and leaning against the side of his car.

“It’s Shaun, right?”

The teacher nodded. Ryan had only met him once before, on his first day back, but he’d liked him straight away.

“I saw you sitting here and thought I’d see how you were getting on with George,” Shaun said.

Ryan shrugged. What did he say to that?

“Not great.” There seemed no point in not telling the truth.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“You know, once upon a time I knew exactly what to say to make him laugh, just to be there for him. You know?” he said.

Shaun gave him a kind smile.

“It’s not so easy anymore. Figuring out what the right thing to do with him is hard work,” Ryan admitted.

“I’m sure you’re doing everything you can. Just stick with it and do what feels right.”

Ryan nodded, shoulders heaving as he exhaled. He wasn’t usually one to open up, to talk to someone about how he felt, but George seemed to genuinely like his teacher. And he appreciated the offer of help.

“I guess I’ve found it hard to know what to say to him since his mom died. Until now, I’ve taken the easy way out and let my parents do the hard work.”

It had indeed been the coward’s way out and he was man enough to admit it. Especially now he could see firsthand the effect it had had on his boy.

“What matters is that you’re here now and you want to do something about it.” The teacher held out his hand again and patted Ryan on the shoulder with the other.

“You’ll get there, and if you need someone to talk to—either of you—I’m here. Okay?”

“Thanks.”

Shaun gestured toward the door. “I saw him by his locker before, I’m sure he’ll be out soon.”

Ryan watched the teacher walk off and got back in the car.

When he’d been redeployed the last time, he was still grieving for his wife. He’d held his son at the airport, hugged him tight and then walked away. Seeing his own mother hold his boy had left an image in his mind that had never faded. An image that told him George would be happier without his dad. That a messed-up, grieving, unsure father was nothing compared to the steady, loving influence of grandparents.

And then every month he’d stayed away it had simply been easier to keep telling himself it was true. That it was better for George, and it was sure easier for him. Because he didn’t have to see the similarities to his wife in his son’s face on a daily basis. Didn’t have to remember what it had been like when they’d been a family, the three of them. Happy and content.

But now … Now George was, well, not a little boy anymore. He’d gone from a sweet nine-year-old to an almost twelve-year-old with a voice on the verge of cracking and an attitude to boot. It was obvious he loved his grandparents, but his feelings toward his father were a whole other matter entirely.

If he even felt anything for his father anymore.

But what had Ryan expected? To come home and pick up where they’d left off? He’d been a fool to stay away so long, but he wasn’t going to run away again. He was going to stand up, take it on the chin and accept the fact that he’d failed his son.

The car door opened. Ryan sat up straighter and looked into the eyes of his son.