My Shit Life So Far

My Shit Life So Far
Frankie Boyle

I don't think anyone can have written an autobiography without at some point thinking "Why would anyone want to know this shit?" I've always read them thinking "I don't want to know where Steve Tyler grew up, just tell me how many groupies he f**ked!"'So begins Frankie's outrageous, laugh-out loud, cynical rant on life as he knows it. From growing up in Pollokshaws, Glasgow (‘it was an aching cement void, a slap in the face to Childhood, and for the family it was a step up'), to his rampant teenage sex drive (‘in those days if you glimpsed a nipple on T.V. it was like porn Christmas'), and first job working in a mental hospital ('where most evenings were spent persuading an old man in his pants not to eat a family sized block of cheese'), nothing is out of bounds.Outspoken, outrageous and brilliantly inappropriate, Frankie Boyle says the unsayable as only he can. From the TV programmes he would like to see made ('Celebrities On Acid On Ice: just like Celebrity Dancing On Ice, but with an opening sequence where Graham Norton hoses the celebrities down with liquid LSD'), to his native Scotland and the Mayor of London ('voting for Boris Johnson wasn't that different to voting for a Labrador wearing a Wonder Woman costume'), nothing and no one is safe from Frankie's fearless, sharp-tongued assault.Sharply observed and full of taboo-busting, we-really-shouldn't-be-laughing-at-this humour, My Shit Life So Far shows why Frankie Boyle really is the blackest man in show business.In 2010, MY SHIT LIFE SO FAR won the title of Scotland's favourite summer read, coming top of a list of 20 other books from the likes of Ian Rankin, Iain Banks and Carol Ann Duffy.

My Shit Life So Far

Frankie Boyle

Dedication

To all my enemies,

I will destroy you.

Contents

Title Page

Dedication

Introduction

One

I grew up in a Glasgow. It’s a disturbing but…

Two

Primary school was great. On the first day I was…

Three

I know one shouldn’t dwell on the past, so I’ve…

Four

The school had a nice policy of trying to do…

Five

Lust is a big part of most men’s personality. They…

Six

The summer I left school I got a job as…

Seven

Shortly after being sacked from the civil service, I found…

Eight

Going to Sussex University was great. Yes, a lot of…

Nine

After I graduated, age 22, I got a job working…

Ten

I’d been going out with a girl since working in…

Eleven

Having been going full time on the comedy circuit for…

Twelve

For a wee while I was quite happy travelling around…

Thirteen

At the same time as appearing on the Live Floor…

Fourteen

Live Floor Show was given a network series, but the…

Fifteen

Shortly after landing the job writing for Jimmy Carr, a…

Sixteen

Mock the Week had become inexplicably popular, so I went…

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Copyright

Back Ads

About the Publisher

INTRODUCTION

I don’t think anyone can have written an autobiography without at some point thinking, ‘Why would anyone want to know this shit?’ I’ve always read them thinking, ‘I don’t want to know where Steve Tyler grew up! Just tell me how many groupies he fucked!’ I suppose I’ve just had to assume that anybody who buys this book has an interest in my life story, but I’ve covered myself by including long passages about all the groupies Steve Tyler has fucked.