The Abstinence Teacher

The Abstinence Teacher
Tom Perrotta

A sharp, funny and beautifully observed satire about the disturbing influence of the Christian right from one of America’s most cherished authors.Ruth Ramsey went too far. She hadn't noticed the changing climate. A Sex Ed teacher "championing" oral sex!? Not now, not in this America…Cherished by her high school pupils as someone who'd tell it straight, after one innocent classroom indiscretion Ruth suddenly finds the curriculum she has taught for nigh on 15 years worryingly out of vogue. It seems these days the kids no longer need teaching; they need telling. As the scandal flares up and attracts the unwelcome eye of the local evangelical Church, the appeasing high-school principal forces her into advocating a pro-abstinence agenda in the classroom that is at odds with all conventional wisdom. Jaded though she is by her recent divorce and fruitless search for a new love, she is not yet ready to kneel at the altar of sophistry – if common sense is to be sacrificed to Puritanism, she won't let it pass without a fight.On the other hand, it is a syllabus change which Tim Mason, recovering addict, local football coach and recent convert to the same plaintiff Church, should consider a victory. But his new found faith is constantly put to the test by the temptations of his former wayward life, forcing him into grand, defensive statements of purpose. When he makes the gesture of leading his football team in prayer after a hard-fought victory, in which Ruth's daughter Maggie starred, he manages not only to incur the wrathful attention of her mother, but to cement his position as the star evangelist of his church – an office he is none too sure about occupying.‘The Abstinence Teacher’ is a cutting portrayal of modern America and the influence of the Christian right from the acclaimed, bestselling author of ‘Election’ and ‘Little Children’. Scathing, witty and brilliantly observed, it will doubtless confirm Perrotta's standing as one of the finest chroniclers of American life.

TOM PERROTTA

The Abstinence Teacher

Copyright (#u5365c07f-5aa6-5a77-914f-3c1192796171)

Fourth Estate

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

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This edition first published in Australia in 2008

First published in Great Britain in 2008 by Fourth Estate

First published in USA in 2007 by St. Martins Press

Copyright © Tom Perrotta 2007

The right of Tom Perrotta to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

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Source ISBN: 9780007261000

Ebook Edition © MARCH 2009 ISBN: 9780007319473

Version: 2017-03-29

For Joe Gordon

And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.

—THE GOSPEL OF MARK

Table of Contents

Title Page (#ufb263b23-2cff-504a-9539-72c2b92f57f6)

Copyright (#u295c62ac-ffce-5a0b-a96b-8aa814f80281)

Dedication (#u3a7600ee-c9b2-51aa-b0fa-a4810a581973)

Epigraph (#u7c32c296-e63d-5773-a2a6-82ade01cf9cc)

Part One - Some People Enjoy It (#u2046942f-a28b-51c7-b3b9-5324e3274e52)

Chapter 1 - Miss Morality (#ueb8a1a4f-0703-5859-8242-d1696bf6765c)

Chapter 2 - Let's Find Out (#u2c2fd345-5f95-5d73-8832-24942961ee89)

Chapter 3 - Who Do We Appreciate? (#u09079871-9d7a-5160-a4fb-1dc856a36295)

Part Two - Hot Christian Sex (#u23e6ec38-d7ed-561c-bfbf-7b6a70a778f5)

Chapter 4 - Three-Legged Race (#u5a78f34c-efaf-56e8-a07f-239485edb7c6)

Chapter 5 - Praise Team (#litres_trial_promo)

Part Three - Coach Tim's God (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 6 - So Be It (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 7 - Yusuf Islam (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 8 - God's Warrior (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 9 - A Big Day for the Lord (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 10 - Refresher (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 11 - Two Tims (#litres_trial_promo)

Part Four - Presentation of Fears (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 12 - Go Home to Your Wife (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 13 - Faith Keepers (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 14 - Good Morning (#litres_trial_promo)

Keep Reading (#litres_trial_promo)

Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)

Also by Tom Perrotta (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

PART ONE (#u5365c07f-5aa6-5a77-914f-3c1192796171)Some People Enjoy It (#u5365c07f-5aa6-5a77-914f-3c1192796171)