A Murder is Announced

‘Never mind Mrs Haymes.’

‘Who does she think she is? Has she had expensive university education like I have? Has she a degree in Economics? No, she is just a paid labourer. She digs and mows grass and is paid so much every Saturday. Who is she to call herself a lady?’

‘Never mind Mrs Haymes, I said. Go on.’

‘I take the sherry and the glasses, and the little pastries that I have made so nice into the drawing-room. Then the bell rings and I answer the door. Again and again I answer the door. It is degrading—but I do it. And then I go back into the pantry and I start to polish the silver, and I think it will be very handy, that, because if someone comes to kill me, I have there close at hand the big carving knife, all sharp.’

‘Very foresighted of you.’

‘And then, suddenly—I hear shots. I think: “It has come—it is happening.” I run through the dining-room (the other door—it will not open). I stand a moment to listen and then there comes another shot and a big thud, out there in the hall, and I turn the door handle, but it is locked outside. I am shut in there like a rat in a trap. And I go mad with fear. I scream and I scream and I beat upon the door. And at last—at last—they turn the key and let me out. And then I bring candles, many many candles—and the lights go on, and I see blood—blood! Ach, Gott in Himmel, the blood! It is not the first time I have seen blood. My little brother—I see him killed before my eyes—I see blood in the street—people shot, dying—I—’

‘Yes,’ said Inspector Craddock. ‘Thank you very much.’

‘And now,’ said Mitzi dramatically, ‘you can arrest me and take me to prison!’

‘Not today,’ said Inspector Craddock.

As Craddock and Fletcher went through the hall to the front door it was flung open and a tall handsome young man almost collided with them.

‘Sleuths as I live,’ cried the young man.

‘Mr Patrick Simmons?’

‘Quite right, Inspector. You’re the Inspector, aren’t you, and the other’s the Sergeant?’

‘You are quite right, Mr Simmons. Can I have a word with you, please?’

‘I am innocent, Inspector. I swear I am innocent.’

‘Now then, Mr Simmons, don’t play the fool. I’ve a good many other people to see and I don’t want to waste time. What’s this room? Can we go in here?’

‘It’s the so-called study—but nobody studies.’

‘I was told that you were studying?’ said Craddock.

‘I found I couldn’t concentrate on mathematics, so I came home.’

In a businesslike manner Inspector Craddock demanded full name, age, details of war service.

‘And now, Mr Simmons, will you describe what happened last night?’

‘We killed the fatted calf, Inspector. That is, Mitzi set her hand to making savoury pastries, Aunt Letty opened a new bottle of sherry—’

Craddock interrupted.

‘A new bottle? Was there an old one?’

‘Yes. Half full. But Aunt Letty didn’t seem to fancy it.’

‘Was she nervous, then?’

‘Oh, not really. She’s extremely sensible. It was old Bunny, I think, who had put the wind up her—prophesying disaster all day.’

‘Miss Bunner was definitely apprehensive, then?’

‘Oh, yes, she enjoyed herself thoroughly.’

‘She took the advertisement seriously?’

‘It scared her into fits.’

‘Miss Blacklock seems to have thought, when she first read that advertisement, that you had had something to do with it. Why was that?’

‘Ah, sure, I get blamed for everything round here!’

‘You didn’t have anything to do with it, did you, Mr Simmons?’

‘Me? Never in the world.’

‘Had you ever seen or spoken to this Rudi Scherz?’

‘Never seen him in my life.’