Queen

“Yes,” said Knox. “I’m going to assemble a team of volunteers willing to sneak into Somerset and steal the file back without ever alerting the other Blackcoats to our presence.”

“We’re not at war with ourselves,” said Benjy. “Given the importance of this file, we could use all the help we can get.”

“This is a need-to-know mission only,” said Knox. “It does not leave this room, is that understood?”

The others nodded, though several cast wary looks at Knox. I squeezed Benjy’s hand.

“I’m going with you,” I said. Knox scowled, but I cut him off before he could protest. “I’m the only one who knows where the file is, and even if I tell you how to get there, it’s possible you won’t be able to reach it. Besides, I’m the one who hid it. I should be the one to recover it.”

A deep line formed in his forehead. “If something happens to you, our campaign will never recover.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to make sure it doesn’t,” I said. “I know exactly where to find it. We’ll be in and out, no problem.”

“Don’t jinx it,” muttered Knox, but he nodded stiffly. Beside me, Benjy shifted.

“Kitty—”

“I’m the only one who can get to it,” I said quietly, looking up at him. “It’ll be fine.”

He stared at me, doubt clear in his gaze, but there was no talking me out of this. I didn’t just owe it to Knox and myself—I owed it to the entire country to do this. I was the reason Daxton wasn’t dead in the first place, and countless people would suffer—had already suffered, and would continue to suffer—because of it. This was mine to make right; no one else’s.

“We’ll only have a short time frame before the Shields launch a counterattack,” said Knox. “But if we can get in before sunset, we should be fine.”

“And how do you propose we do that?” said Strand. Knox and I glanced at one another.

“I’m afraid that’s classified,” said Knox. “I’ll need half a dozen volunteers. We’ll take a jet out in exactly one hour.”

What he needed half a dozen other people for, I couldn’t fathom, but I didn’t question it, either. It would only take two of us to get into Somerset—hell, I could do it on my own, but I knew Knox wouldn’t let me go in without him. The more people who came with us, the worse our chances of going undetected were, and ultimately they would only get in our way.

When the meeting disbanded shortly after, I headed upstairs with Benjy at my heels. Neither of us said a word until we reached our bedroom, and he closed the door firmly behind him. “Kitty, you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do,” I said, searching for a clean set of clothes. “I know why you don’t want me to go—”

“Do you? Because it doesn’t seem like you do.” He raked his fingers through his short red hair, exasperated. “How many times have we almost lost each other?”

“Benjy...” I paused long enough to study him. His face was stricken, and I softened my tone. “Too many. We’ve nearly lost each other too many times, and if this war keeps going on like this, eventually we will.”

“If you keep taking risks like this—”

“Sometimes the risk is worth it. And some things—some things are more important.”

“More important than what? Protecting the people you love?”

“Isn’t that exactly what we’re doing by fighting this rebellion in the first place?” I dug out a pair of black pants and a black top. Perfect for sneaking around. “I need to take a shower. I’ll be home by dinnertime.”

“Kitty—”

“We’ll talk about this then, okay?” I said, but he grabbed the bathroom door before I could open it.

“No, we’re talking about this now, because there might not be a then.”

I let my hand fall from the knob and stared up at him defiantly. “You’re not talking me out of this.”

“Then we have a problem, because I don’t know how many more times I can do this.”

My mouth went dry. “You don’t have to do this, Benjy. It would be safer for you if you weren’t here anyway.”

“Do you really think being away from you would help? I’d still worry constantly—”

“I don’t want you to worry,” I said, exasperated. “You should be focusing on your own life, not mine. And it feels like the deeper we go into this war, the more I distract you.”

“You’re part of my life, Kitty. The most important part.” He reached out to touch me, but I shifted back, and he dropped his hand. “Yes, I worry about you. I worry about what this is doing to you—being Lila, fighting for people you didn’t even know four months ago. I can tell it’s slowly chipping away at you, one day at a time, and I hate myself for not being able to protect you from all of this.”

“It isn’t your job to protect me.”

“But you’ll let Knox try.”

The ground felt as if it had dropped out from under me, and I opened and shut my mouth in shock. “Is that it, then? Is that what all of this is about? You’re mad I stayed with Knox last night?”

“Well, I’m not exactly happy about it,” he said, with more sarcasm than I’d thought he had in him. “You’re hurt. I wanted to be there for you—to give you a relaxing night where you could rest. Instead, you spent it with him. And sometimes—” He stopped.

“Sometimes what?” I pressed, an edge in my voice. “Whatever it is, let it out, Benjy. Because there might not be a then, remember?”

The moment I said it, guilt washed over me. He’d done nothing to deserve this fight, and I was being a complete jerk about something I knew was quickly becoming a problem for us. Rivers pointing out Knox’s supposed feelings had been bad enough; Benjy bringing it up made me want to claw the walls with frustration and anger. And if he really thought I would ever do anything with Knox when he was waiting for me just a room or two away, then he didn’t know me at all.