‘Because, ugh …’
‘Because it’s easier for you to beat yourself up. And it’s harder to give yourself a compliment. Try it once in a while.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Well at least let me try it. Let me say, “good job” to you.’
‘Thanks.’
‘But Billy …’
‘I know. I know.’
‘I’m serious. You know what you need to do.’
Ren sighed. ‘Knowing what I need to do and what I want to do and what I’m capable of doing? Well, they’re such different things, aren’t they?’
Chapter 36 (#u8bb60e53-87b4-54e1-a600-62c12d8c99b9)
Ren arrived, drained, at the Sheriff’s Office. She didn’t want to think any more about how she may have compromised the investigation. She just didn’t want to think about the investigation. She knew Billy Waites would jump out at her from every page. Her fear would tie him into every part of Jean’s life and implicate him in every part of her death. And now the case she was so desperate to solve could become the one case she would never solve because of her own actions.
Her cellphone rang.
‘Hey, Ren. How are you?’
‘Oh, hi, Vincent,’ said Ren. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine. You?”
She gave a sad laugh. ‘Shit.’
‘Yeah, me too.’ He paused. ‘Any particular reason?’
She sighed. ‘Too many to get into.’
‘How’s the investigation going?’
‘Shit too.’
‘How cheery are we?’
‘I know,’ said Ren. ‘How’s work for you?’
‘Not much better …’
‘We are in high spirits today.’
He laughed. They were quiet for a little while. ‘Look… I miss you.’
‘I miss you too.’
‘I was thinking of maybe coming to Breck at the weekend …’
‘Oh.’
‘Once more … with feeling.’
‘I’m sorry. It’s just … if you’re coming to see me …’
‘That would be part of the plan,’ said Vincent.
‘I just won’t have the time. I’m …’ Too busy fucking things up for myself ‘… working.’
‘Not even one evening off?’
‘I could do lunch maybe.’
He laughed. ‘No alcohol, broad daylight, a set time frame –’
‘Stop,’ she said. ‘It’s not like that.’
‘Oh, even if it is, I’ll take it.’
‘I’m glad,’ said Ren. ‘Text me Saturday morning.’
‘You bet.’
Just as she hung up, another call came through.
‘Mr Truax, how can I help you?’ said Ren.
‘I’m helping you, Ms Bryce. Your prints are back from the beer bottle.’
‘And?’
‘Nada. No match.’
‘And that’s supposed to help me how?’ said Ren.
‘Well, if helping you means ruling out for now that this man is a hardened criminal with a string of violent crimes under his belt, yes.’
‘Not that, in fact, he is such a criminal mastermind that he has eluded us for decades to commit some of humanity’s vilest atrocities?’
‘While you’ve been fixing your makeup …’
‘That’s crime-fighting in itself.’
Ren walked into Bob’s office. ‘OK, if you could put your fingers in your ears, say “la la la la la” at the same time, while also listening to my question and answering it, I would be very grateful.’