Confession of a Ghost. F.M. Dostoevsky award. Playing Another Reality

“It’s ‘Guardian Angel’, the novel you waited for so much. You got offended that in ‘the Book of Knowledge’ I called you a ghost. I promised you wouldn’t be a ghost in my ‘Guardian’. Then you came, and we were reading the third part together in the kitchen, how you had brought me to your Arbat, in the lair of the black magician. There was a chess floor, everything was black and white there. Do you remember the verse ‘Beyond the power of magicians’? You liked it, and this is ‘Nostalgia for Atlantis’, all the poems written to you.”

“Thank you, I appreciated it, although there are not all the poems dedicated to me! Back to prose, where I am not a ghost. What’s the title of the third part?”

“‘Seven seconds’? About the accident. I had the stitches just removed, and I was all in green and limping. You cured my ear, fed me strawberries and said that it would heal before the wedding,” I smiled.

“Would you like to return to Earth in a body, if, for example, the Higher Forces allowed us to be together, or I repented and stopped witchcraft, or to experience love again with someone else, a happy love, a mutual one? To dive headlong into it? The love you’ve written so much about both in prose and in verse, the one you have been looking for on Earth all your life?”

I thought about it and walked up to Ray. He stood at the window looking at me silently, as if asking me to pull out a card from the Tarot deck, a very important one. I hugged him, as once long before, when he had been standing in the same way at the window with the Tarot deck in his hands, waiting for me to pull out just one card.

“I don’t want to go back anymore. I don’t want earthly love, because it… doesn’t exist.”

Ouranoupoli

“Is it the 1

of January today?” I asked Dimitra.

“No, the 1

of November. The 1

of January is quieter!” she laughed.

We used to joke so, Dimitra estimated the time by comparing the current date with the virtual date in season or off-season, depending on sales.

“Sophia has gone! With Faith, Hope and Love to boot!” she reported not without pride. “The ship with tourists came half empty. A woman burst into my shop and shouted, ‘Sophia!’. I showed her the icon, she grabbed it, without even bargaining, paid and ran away. Such a strange one! She said her goddaughter’s name is Sophia. Tell me about the icon, please!”

“Sophia was born in the 2

century on the territory of present-day Italy under Emperor Hadrian in a wealthy Christian family. She married a pagan, but he loved her so much that never even asked her to renounce the faith. Their daughters – Faith, Hope and Love – were brought up in the spirit of Christianity. Sophia’s husband died, and the pagan Emperor ordered the family to come to the palace. Calling each of the daughters in turn and promising sweet gifts, Hadrian invited them to renounce Christ. After refusing to accept paganism, the Emperor tortured the children and ordered them to be executed. Faith was 12 years old, Hope was 10, Love was 9. Sophia buried the decapitated bodies of her daughters outside the city and didn’t go away from their grave for two days, until her soul was taken to Heaven. They were canonized as Holy Martyrs. In the 8

century, their relics were transferred from Rome to an abbey in France, but during the French Revolution, the relics disappeared, and the abbey turned into a tavern. Although, they say, some of the relics were found in the 20

century. The feast day is celebrated on September 17/30. They pray to her for women’s happiness and love, for family reunification and the birth of children, but I think she is about Heavenly Love, Faith in the Higher Forces, Hope in God, about the Divine Wisdom and humility.”

“And I think, Alice, that… you live in a crazy city, in a frantic rhythm, while we live surrounded by icons in a remote village on the border with the Holy Mountain. It would seem, nowhere else closer to God. Well, aren’t you boring to come to us every year? I would have gone crazy!”

“This place gives the opportunity to step away from the vanity and talk face-to-face with Heavens. It’s just that you stay here every day and don’t realize grace. Back to Sophia! I like her rare icon in Kiri’s shop, ‘Sophia the Divine Wisdom’. It’s painted in two versions – my favorite is Kiev’s one, ‘7 Pillars of Faith’, celebrated on the day of the Nativity of the Virgin on September 8/21; the 2

one is the Novgorod one, celebrated on August 15.”

“What do they look like? I’ll ask the twin monks to paint it!”

“Well, ‘7 Pillars of Faith’ is a powerful sevenfold icon, located in St. Sophia Cathedral. It depicts a Ladder of 7 steps: Faith, Hope, Love, Purity, Humility, Nobility, Glory. On the sides, there are 7 Old Testament Prophets and Forefathers: King David, Aaron, Moses, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel and Daniel. Each of them holds holy things in their hands. They anticipate the birth of Christ as the Divine Wisdom incarnation on Earth. The Ladder connects Earth with Heaven, leads to the Temple, where the Virgin Mary in the ‘Oranta’ type, similar to the protective icon ‘The Sign’ with both hands raised up, stands in clouds on the crescent sickle-shaped Moon. Christ is depicted as a child on the tunic of the Virgin, blessing with His right hand and holding an orb in His left. The Temple has 7 columns-pillars with the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit in the images from the Apocalypse of John the Theologian: 7 candlesticks is mind, a book with 7 seals is wisdom, a stone with 7 eyes is advice, 7 trumpets of Jericho is strength, an eye with 7 stars is vision, 7 phials with incense is godliness, 7 lightning bolts is the fear of God. Above the Temple, there are 7 Archangels, each holding a sign of his ministry: Michael – a sword, Uriel – lightning, Gabriel – a lily flower, and so on. In the center above the Temple, there is God the Father and the Holy Spirit, as well as the inscription ‘Wisdom has built her house; she has carved out her seven pillars’, the word ‘House’ means the Virgin Mary. The Novgorod icon is completely different, is miraculous too. The Virgin Mary and John the Baptist stand on the sides of the throne of Christ. It’s interesting that the temple, built in 989, was dedicated to the icon, although the icon itself got into it only in the 15

century. They say that ‘wisdom’ translated from Greek into French means ‘Trinity’, right?”

“I don’t know French. Oh! Vasilios! Finally! This is Alice! And this is Vasilios!” Dimitra spoke in Greek and summarized in English, “I said that you are my friend and believe in God, as he does, and one day you’ll write a book about us. Vasilios offered to include our miracle in it. Scientists from the Greek Academy of Sciences are exploring the chapel of St. Theodora in the mountains of Greek Arcadia. The stone chapel, standing on the water, is sprouted with high trees, as if hairs were growing upwards from its walls and roof, but it doesn’t fall apart, despite the multi-ton weight of the trees. Theodora was a Byzantine martyr from a Peloponnesian village near Megalopoli. At the age of 17, dressed in men’s clothes, she replaced her sick and impoverished father, who couldn’t go to war. Theodora fought bravely and after the war decided to leave for the monastery, but a woman fell in love with her. After the refusal, she slandered Theodora, saying she was pregnant, and demanded their wedding. Theodora didn’t betray the secret so that her father wouldn’t be harmed, and she was martyred, asking Christ, ‘Let my blood become a stream, my body – a temple, and my hair – trees.’ Whatever people can do out of love!”

“No, Dimitra, slander is not out of love. True Love fulfilled Theodora’s wish!”

Dimitra translated my words to Vasilios, and he handed me the olives. I opened my wallet, but Vasilios shook his head categorically.

“He sees you different from others, Alice, and won’t take money, but asks you to pray for him. Oh, man of God, our Vasilios, God’s man! Take your olives and let’s go back! My husband doesn’t speak English well and might miss the customers!”

Tower of Ouranoupoli

I was sitting on the seashore, wondering what to do next, when I suddenly noticed a Ghost Ship slowly sailing from the islands towards the Holy Mountain.

“Lack of humility,” I heard, turned around and saw a monk. He was alive, and, sitting down next to me, he continued, “Humility is perhaps the only way to Salvation. A patient one can endure hardships and adversity, but won’t humble oneself and …”

“I am a ghost,” I whispered in surprise.

“Do you think monks cannot see ghosts? This Ship has been sailing the same route for hundreds of years, and each time it crashes at the foot of Cape the Killer, next to Karoulia. Its captain is one of the stubbornest ghosts in the world!”

“Is Karoulia the place where invisible hermits live?”

“It’s a wilderness, hard-to-reach place, from that side even pirates couldn’t approach the Mountain. The word “karoulia” means ropes, chains. There are caves in the crevices of sheer cliffs above the abyss, and the cells-huts on the ledges look like swallows’ nests. Most of the monks on Athos live in luxury, and those with strong spirit go to Karoulia. They fish from 80-meter cliffs, collect rainwater, since summer is the time of drought, it’s usually 50 degrees, and in winter it’s very cold because of the wind. On bare rocks there are ropes and chains for hermits to move, and winches for food.”

“Are there many cells and caves there?”

“Nobody counted them, but 12 are the active ones.”

“12… as the invisible hermits?”

“And the Apostles,” the monk smiled. “Mostly Russians and Serbs lived in Karoulia, although the territory belongs to the Great Lavra. The cells cut off from the outside world by a gorge are called horrible. Monks come there for a while, having taken a vow – there are too many devils, they pull you into the abyss, but humility is a great thing, if you pray, you humble yourself, and they retreat.”

“Is it the abyss, the depth of which is equal to the height of the Mountain?”

“Has anyone been there? Measured? Whatever they invent about the abyss, even that some octopus the monster lives in it. It’s the abyss of the Devil, who can draw anyone even from a high rung of the Stairs of the Spirit. There are many devils there – temptations, especially strong at night – they throw stones, make you fear. However, like snakes, they cannot harm those who is strong in Spirit. Although, at night, out of habit, it seems, here it is, the Apocalypse, so stormy the weather is there! Humility and prayer give us a chance to reach Heaven.”