Bernard Brooks' Adventures: The Experience of a Plucky Boy

“The doctor himself looks like a victim of liver complaint. Are you traveling alone?”

“No, sir. I am traveling with Professor Puffer.”

“A short man with a red face?”

“Yes.”

“A friend of your family?”

“I never saw him until I met him on the ship.”

“You called him Professor Puffer. What is he professor of?”

“I believe he is interested in antiquities.”

“He seems to me more interested in liquor. But I must apologize. I should not speak so of your friend.”

Bernard laughed.

“I am not sensitive on the subject of my friend, or rather my employer,” he said.

“Your employer?”

“Yes; I am his secretary, and I believe I am to assist him in his literary labors.”

“Then I suppose you will become a professor of antiquities also.”

“Perhaps so,” assented Bernard, with a smile.

“For my part, I don’t care much for antiquities. I am more interested in the present than in the past. I am buyer for a Boston house, and my name is Nelson Sturgis. How may I call you?”

“Bernard Brooks.”

“Professor Brooks?” asked Sturgis.

“Not yet,” laughed Bernard.

“Suppose we take a little promenade. I make a practice of walking two hours daily on shipboard in order to get my customary exercise.”

“I shall be glad to join you, Mr. Sturgis.”

As they were walking they had an opportunity to witness an amusing meeting between Professor Puffer and Dr. Hampton.

As Professor Puffer emerged from the cabin the sallow-faced man approached him with the stereotyped question, “Pardon me, sir, but are you bilious?”

“What the – dickens do you mean?” demanded Professor Puffer, glaring at the doctor.

“No offense, sir, but I think most persons are bilious.”

“You look a good deal more bilious than I.”

“No, sir, you are mistaken. I have cured myself of liver complaint by Dr. Hampton’s celebrated liver tonic. I am Dr. Hampton.”

“Are you? Well, your appearance doesn’t speak very well for your remedy. My liver is perfectly regular.”

“I am glad to hear it, sir. I was speaking to your secretary a short time since, but he doesn’t think he is bilious. A boy of his age wouldn’t be apt to know. I will make you the same offer that I did him. I will give you a dose of the tonic free gratis, and you may find that it will benefit you.”

“Is there any whisky or brandy in the tonic?” asked Professor Puffer, with sudden interest.

“No, sir, not a drop. You may rest assured that it is a strict temperance medicine.”

“Then I don’t want any of it, sir. Temperance is a humbug. Are you a temperance man?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I am not. Good morning.”

Dr. Hampton’s next interview was more satisfactory. Among the passengers was a thin maiden lady of uncertain age. She was beginning to suffer seasickness when Dr. Hampton approached her.

“Pardon me,” he said, “but you look bilious.”

“I fear I am,” she answered, in a hollow tone. “I feel dreadfully.”

“I thought I could not be mistaken. Shall I relieve you?”

“Oh, sir, if you only could.”

“I can. A bottle of my celebrated liver tonic will make a new man – I mean woman – of you.”

“Bring me some, please, for indeed I feel very sick.”

Dr. Hampton produced a small bottle from his pocket. “This is it,” he said. “A dollar, please.”

The maiden lady drew a dollar bill from her pocket, and the doctor, producing a spoon, administered a dose. The result was magical! The lady rushed hastily to the side of the vessel, and was relieved of her breakfast.

“I feel better,” she gasped.

“I knew you would,” said the doctor, and he put the bill into his pocket with a smile of satisfaction.

CHAPTER XV. JACK STAPLES

Professor Puffer had a grievance. He had sent on board a good supply of whisky – sufficient to last him through the voyage – but the greater part of this had mysteriously disappeared. Whether it had been carried to the wrong vessel or not could not be ascertained. At any rate, he had to do without it, and this to a man of the professor’s tastes was a great deprivation.

He was quite ready to buy some, and applied to the captain, but Captain Smith had no more than he desired for his own use. He occasionally invited the professor to take a glass, in his own cabin, but this by no means satisfied Mr. Puffer. The enforced abstinence made him irritable, and he vented this irritation on Bernard, with the result of making the boy shun his company.

“Where do you keep yourself all the time?” asked Professor Puffer, one afternoon. “I haven’t seen you for hours.”

“Have you any work for me to do?” asked Bernard hopefully.