Maybe This Christmas…?

Gemma shook her head and offered a faint smile. ‘Thanks, but I need to do this in my own time,’ she said. ‘And… I think one of the other house officers is going to come and keep me company for a bit.’

The door opened quietly a few minutes later and then closed again. Andy moved with unusual grace for a big man as he positioned a chair and then sat down so that he was looking across the bed at Gemma.

Except he wasn’t looking at Gemma. His gaze was fixed on Jessica’s pale little face. He reached out and made her hand disappear beneath his.

‘Hello, there, Jessie,’ he whispered. ‘I’m Andy. I’m Gemma’s friend.’

Gemma liked that. She certainly needed a friend right now.

For several minutes they simply sat there in silence.

‘Do you think she’s aware of anything?’ Gemma asked softly.

‘I had a look at her chart on the way in,’ Andy responded. ‘She’s well sedated so I’m sure she’s not in any pain.’

‘But nobody really knows, do they? Whether there’s an awareness of… something.’

‘Something like whether there’s somebody there that cares about you?’

‘Mmm.’ Gemma took hold of Jessie’s other hand as she looked up. Away from the harsh strip lighting of the main area of the PICU, Andy’s face looked softer. His dark hair was just as tousled, the strong planes of his cheeks and jaw a little less craggy and his eyes were even warmer.

But what was really appealing was that he seemed to get what she was doing in here. Why it was important. His posture was also relaxed enough to suggest he wasn’t going to put any pressure on her to hurry what had to be done.

‘I saw she had a guardian listed as next of kin rather than family but…’ Andy shook his head. ‘I still don’t understand why it’s just us in here.’

‘She’s fostered,’ Gemma told him. ‘She was in foster-care even before she was diagnosed with a brain tumour over two years ago and she’s had major medical issues ever since. There are very few foster-parents out there who would be prepared to cope with that.’ She knew she was sounding a bit defensive but she knew how hard it could be.

‘And the woman who’s been doing it has a bunch of other kids who need her tonight. She’s been in here half the day and… she couldn’t face this.’

‘But you can.’ The statement was quiet and had a strong undercurrent of admiration.

Gemma’s breath came out in a short huff. ‘I don’t know about that. It’s…’ For some strange reason she found herself on the verge of dumping her whole life history onto someone who was a stranger to her, which was pretty weird when she was such a fiercely private person. ‘It’s complicated.’

Andy said nothing for another minute or so. Then he cleared his throat. ‘So… where did you do your training?’

‘Birmingham.’ Gemma felt herself frowning. What on earth did this have to do with anything? Then she got it. Andy wanted to give her some time to get used to him. To trust him? Given that she’d learned not to trust people very early in life it was a strategy she could appreciate. Oddly, it felt redundant. How could she not instinctively trust someone who had such kind eyes?

Her abrupt response was still hanging in the air. Gemma cleared her throat. ‘How ‘bout you? Where did you train?’

‘Cambridge.’

‘Nice.’

Andy nodded. ‘What made you choose Birmingham?’

‘I lived there. With my younger sister.’ Gemma paused for a heartbeat. Reminded herself that Andy was trying to build trust here and it couldn’t hurt to help. ‘She was still at school,’ she added, ‘and I didn’t want to move her.’

Andy’s eyebrows rose. ‘There was just the two of you?’

It was Gemma’s turn to nod. And then she took a deep breath. Maybe she needed to accelerate this ‘getting to know you’ phase because she really did need a friend here. Someone she could trust. Someone who knew they could trust her. Or maybe it had already been accelerated because of an instant connection that somehow disengaged all her normal protective mechanisms.

‘We were foster-kids,’ she told him quietly. ‘I got guardianship of Laura as soon as I turned eighteen. She was thirteen then.’

She could feel the way his gaze was fixed on her even though she was keeping her head bowed, watching as she rubbed the back of Jessie’s hand with her thumb.

‘Wow… That’s not something siblings often do for each other. Laura’s very lucky to have you for a sister.’

‘No. I’m the lucky one. Laura’s an amazing person. One of those naturally happy people, you know? She can make everyone around her feel better just by being there.’

‘You’re both lucky, then,’ Andy said. ‘Me, I’m an only child. I dreamt of having a sibling. Lots of them, in fact. I couldn’t think of anything better than having a really big family but it never happened.’ He shrugged, as though excusing Gemma from feeling sorry for him. ‘Guess it’ll be up to me to change the next Baxter generation.’

‘You want lots of kids?’

‘At least half a dozen.’ Andy grinned. ‘What about you?’

Gemma shook her head sharply.

‘You don’t want kids?’

‘Sure. One or two. But that’s so far into the future it doesn’t register yet.’ She could feel her spine straighten a little. ‘I haven’t worked as hard as I have not to make sure I get my career exactly where I want it before I take time off to have a baby.’

‘Going to be rich and famous, huh?’

‘That’s the plan.’ Oh, help… that had sounded shallow hadn’t it? ‘Secure, anyway,’ Gemma added. ‘And… respected, I guess.’

Andy nodded as though he understood where she was coming from. ‘How old were you when you went into foster-care?’

‘I was eight. Laura was only three. Luckily we got sent places together. Probably because I kicked up such a fuss if they made noises about separating us and also because I was prepared to take care of Laura myself.’ She looked up then and offered a smile. ‘I was quite likely to bite anybody that tried to take over.’

Andy grinned. ‘I can believe that.’ Then his face sobered again. He looked at Jessie and then back at Gemma. He didn’t say anything but she knew he was joining the dots. She didn’t need to spell out the complexities of why she felt a bond with this child and why it was important for her to be here with her at the end of her short life.

‘You’re quite something, aren’t you?’ he said finally.

A warm glow unfurled somewhere deep inside Gemma but outwardly all she did was shrug. ‘I wouldn’t say that.’

‘I would. You completed your medical degree. It was hard enough for me and I had family support and no responsibilities. I’ve still got a pretty impressive student debt.’

‘Tell me about it.’ But Gemma didn’t want to go there. She’d shared more than enough of her difficult background. Any more and they’d need to bring in the violins and that was definitely not an atmosphere that was going to help get her into the right space for what had to come. The task she still wasn’t quite ready for. Time to change the subject and get to know her new friend a little better. ‘What made you choose to go into medicine?’

‘I think I always wanted to be a doctor. My dad’s a GP in Norwich.’

‘Family tradition?’

Andy grinned. ‘Familiar, anyway. I just grew up knowing that the only thing I wanted to be was a doctor. Maybe I was too lazy to think of anything else I wanted to be.’ His gaze was interested. ‘How ‘bout you?’

‘Laura had to have her appendix out when she was seven and the surgeon was the loveliest woman, who arranged permission for me to stay in the hospital with her for a couple of days. I fell in love with both the surgeon and the hospital. Plus, I had to choose a career that would enable me to always be able to take care of my sister.’