The Bad Mother: The addictive, gripping thriller that will make you question everything

Lucy straightened up, certain that her husband was teasing her and she would catch a sneaky smile on his face; instead his expression was one of concern. ‘But you didn’t say anything.’

Adam took a breath but whatever he was about to say was released with a sigh. ‘Never mind. I was saying that Ranjit’s organizing another charity walk this year.’

Lucy’s heart rattled against her ribcage. ‘You never spoke a word, Adam. Are you sure you weren’t simply thinking it in your head?’

Adam’s raised eyebrow spoke volumes, and while she didn’t understand how she could have remained oblivious to what was going on around her, she couldn’t face another debate that would only serve to highlight her shortcomings.

‘I must have been miles away,’ she said with a casual shrug that sent a cold shiver skittering down her spine. ‘I was thinking about the baby and how manic it’s going to be when she arrives.’ Draining her glass, she returned it to the tray with shaking hands. ‘So go on, tell me about the walk.’

‘Lucy …’ Adam began, less eager to gloss over what had just happened.

‘When is it?’

‘At the beginning of August,’ he said with a note of resignation. ‘I told Ranjit you probably wouldn’t want to do it.’

‘Too right. The baby will be less than two months old and I’d rather not risk it,’ she said. Although her lips were moving and words came out, her mind was elsewhere. She forced the panic to the corners of her mind where she wished it would stay. She needed to concentrate if she were to avoid another mistake. ‘Do you still want to do it?’

‘It depends on how you and the baby are doing. I wouldn’t leave you to cope on your own for the weekend if there were any problems.’

‘There won’t be,’ she said. ‘And I could always come and meet you at the refreshment stops.’

‘OK, I’ll put my name down,’ Adam said with no enthusiasm whatsoever.

Lifting her head slightly, Lucy said, ‘I can’t smell garlic. Are you sure you switched the oven on?’

Peeling himself away from his wife, Adam stood up. ‘Of course I switched it on,’ he said with an air of confidence that wasn’t meant to annoy, but it did. ‘I need to put the dough balls in for the last ten minutes though, and I might give the kitchen a quick wipe down while I’m waiting. There’s some interesting marks on the dining room table I think I should clean.’

Lucy winced. ‘That wasn’t a message for you.’

‘No?’

Adam remained looming over her until she gave in. ‘I told you I was an evil cow,’ she said.

Lucy’s sweet smile faded after Adam left the room. She swung her legs up and slumped back on the sofa so she could stare at the ceiling, but despite her brain’s apparent ability to disengage without notice, unwelcome thoughts turned inside her head. Like the orange reflector on the wheel of her pink bicycle, her mind spun faster and faster. She was ready for that horrible lurch of her stomach, but what she felt was a different kind of quickening.

‘Adam!’ she cried.

Having pulled up her jumper, Lucy’s hand was pressed over a spot a few inches above her groin when Adam burst into the room with a knife in his hand and his eyes open wide. It looked like a scene from a horror movie but Lucy was laughing.

‘I can feel her,’ she said.

Placing the knife on the coffee table, Adam dropped to his knees. ‘Are you sure?’

Leaving him to assume that this was the first time, Lucy took Adam’s hand and placed it where hers had been. ‘Can you feel anything?’

Since that first flutter, Lucy had been conscious of every gurgle in her stomach but she hadn’t felt anything as distinct as she had just now. Come meet your daddy, she told her daughter as she and Adam held their breath.

When her lungs started to burn, Lucy prepared to give up. ‘There!’ she said, pressing Adam’s fingers over the exact spot. ‘Did you feel that?’

Lucy wanted him to say yes. She needed the bond between them to be stronger than ever, but she could tell by Adam’s face that he hadn’t picked up the gentle flutter of butterfly wings inside her belly. She wouldn’t have minded a lie.

‘No,’ he said, tugging his hand away when she tried to keep it in place. Seeing the look of disappointment on his wife’s face, he added, ‘She needs to build up those footballer’s legs first. It won’t be long, and I can wait.’

When Adam returned to the kitchen, Lucy stayed where she was. She wished she had her husband’s patience but she was desperate to get past the last months of her pregnancy and, if she were honest, those first months after the birth. She wanted to be free of her raging hormones so that she could be reassured that they were the cause of her problems and nothing else. She was holding on by her fingernails to the hope that by the time Adam set off on the Sandstone Trail, normal service would be resumed.

4 (#uf4e334f4-d9b7-502f-b99e-1a408781c11d)

‘How are you feeling, love?’ Viv asked as she passed the bread basket across the table. ‘No more morning sickness?’

‘I’m much better, thanks,’ Lucy said, tearing a piece of the bread over her soup bowl and letting the warm butter ooze between her fingers. She wished Adam’s mum would allow her guests to butter their own bread, or have it dry as Lucy preferred, but Viv liked to pre-empt her son’s needs and it didn’t seem to occur to her that his wife’s tastes might differ. Licking her fingers, she added, ‘But you should have seen my ankles last night. I’ve spent the last couple of days on my feet in my studio and I couldn’t have put on a pair of shoes if I’d tried.’

‘I told her they reminded me of elephant legs,’ Adam offered.

‘No, you didn’t!’ Lucy said before she had the chance to wonder if this was another conversation she had missed. A smile crept across Adam’s face and she relaxed. ‘You might have thought it, but you’re too much of a gentleman to say such a thing.’

Adam’s smile disappeared behind a soup spoon. He took a sniff of the gloopy liquid and his brow furrowed. ‘Did you put something different in this, Mum?’

Viv’s head snapped up. ‘No, it’s the same as always. Except, well, I did add a bit of leftover sweetcorn, but that’s all.’

Adam gave Lucy a knowing look. When they had first met, he had warned her about his mum’s cooking, and although they had fallen into a routine of visiting each of their mums on alternate Sundays, the difference was marked. Lucy’s mum made the perfect Sunday roast with enough trimmings to feed an army whilst Viv provided simpler fare, which was almost always soup. Adam told Lucy they were getting off lightly, but it didn’t stop her worrying about what might be in the muddy green liquid that had been blended beyond recognition. She preferred to wait until Adam had tasted it first.

‘At least you’ve passed the halfway mark,’ Viv said to Lucy. ‘It’s surprising how much a baby takes it out of you though.’ Lucy looked up in time to catch a glance between Adam and his mother. ‘You can’t expect to feel like you did before. Being a mum is a big adjustment and your body often races ahead before your head has a chance to catch up. It’s all perfectly natural.’

Lucy’s smile was tight as she realized Adam had snitched on her. How was she meant to feel less anxious when he was worrying twice as much on her behalf, and inviting others to join him? In the last few days, she had checked and double-checked everything she did and, so far, her efforts had been rewarded.

‘I’ve been a bit scatter-brained lately but nothing worth mentioning,’ she said, aiming her last comment at Adam.

‘How’s work going, son?’ Viv asked to ease over the awkwardness.

‘Couldn’t be better. There are problems as always but Ranjit trusts me to fix them. I don’t think it’ll be long before I’m leading my own projects, which will put a few noses out of joint.’

Viv’s eyebrows raised. ‘Naomi’s, by any chance?’

‘Naomi?’ Lucy asked as she scanned her memory for the name. She had met many of Adam’s colleagues at the various social gatherings Ranjit organized to keep his team tight. Adam wasn’t keen on such events but he put on a good show and it was paying off. She knew that. So why didn’t she know about someone called Naomi?

‘The new software developer?’ Adam offered. With a surreptitious roll of the eyes, he returned his attention to his mum. ‘She thought she could wow Ranjit with her new ideas that were obviously meant to show how archaic the rest of us are. It’s taken a while for her to realize that the boss is more impressed with people who pull together than trip each other up. He wants staff who offer stability, at home as well as at work, and that’s what he thinks I can offer, thanks to you two.’

‘And the baby when she comes along,’ Viv said, her eyes dancing.

‘She?’ Lucy asked. She was developing a crick in her neck from the looks she kept shooting at Adam. He had called in to see his mum earlier in the week to drop off her birthday present. She lived five miles away in Moreton and the detour was a minor one in comparison to the trek to visit Lucy’s mum. He hadn’t stayed long, but apparently long enough to fill Viv in on all the intimate details of their lives.

‘I couldn’t not tell her,’ Adam said. ‘Your mum knows and it seemed only fair.’

‘Oh dear, it wasn’t a secret, was it?’ Viv asked.

‘Why? Who else have you told?’ asked Adam, his sudden change of tone undeservingly harsh, given that he had been the one to spread the news further afield.

‘It’s OK,’ said Lucy when she saw the alarm on Viv’s face. ‘We might as well let everyone know. I call the baby her all the time and if anyone’s going to slip up, it’s going to be me.’ She watched Adam tap his fingers against his thumb, and when his agitation didn’t ease, she pushed the conversation on. ‘How was your birthday, Viv? Did you like our present?’