Defy Not The Heart

Desperately, she hoped Toya would just wait until morning before coming to get her. Or better yet, see if she would show up with the daylight. As drunk as she was, she could hardly see straight, and she didn't want to fight with him. She didn't want to go home either. She silently groaned to herself. Her mother would lecture her for a week if she found out she was drunk, even if it had been an accident.

Kyoko tried hard to stay in a straight line as she walked. Finally, she spotted the maiden shrine in the clearing behind her house. Closing one eye so the maiden statue would come into better focus, she giggled, and then thought to herself, 'Oh God, now I know I'm drunk.' With a swaying shrug, she did the only thing she knew to do.

She walked into the shrine house, straight up to the maiden statue, and leaned against it, hoping to make it safely through to the other dimension in time to pass out.

*****

Shinbe was once again having a very erotic dream of Kyoko writhing under him, crying out his name over and over, screaming it as he pounded into her, staring down into her face and driving all thoughts of Toya from her.

He jerked awake… his body broke out in a sweat. Breathing hard, he could still feel her under him, letting him love her and she had loved him back. Her cries were still ringing in his ears. His heart was still beating so fast, slamming against his ribs the same way he had been slamming into her.

Shinbe sat up. Clinching his hands, he raised them to cover his face. Unable to stop it from escaping him, he cried out into the silence, full of pain and hidden rage at the unfairness of it all. All he ever wanted was to love her, and it was slowly eating him alive.

Hearing a twig snap, Shinbe quickly pulled his hands down. His amethyst gaze scanned the area and came to rest on Kyoko's shocked features. His mind seemed to instantly go into slow motion.

'No, it couldn't be… not now, not here.' Her eyes were wide at hearing his cry, and her hand was over her mouth. 'No… go away, please,’ he mentally begged. 'You can't be here, not right now, it’s too dangerous… I’m dangerous.'

Shinbe watched as she lowered her hand from her lips, a look of worry crossing her face. Then, he saw her sway as she made her way towards him. He wondered if she was even real, or if he was still dreaming.

Kyoko was still trying to make sure she was going in the right direction to get to the hut when she heard an almost inhuman cry coming from somewhere close to her. Her eyes focused as she tried to find the source of the sound. Her heart was still racing from the fright it had given her. Then she noticed Shinbe lying there on a blanket in the grass, all alone. The haunted cry had to have come from him.

She wanted to know what was wrong. Had someone been killed? That had to be it for such a sound to come from the always calm, cool, and friendly guardian. She tried to steady her legs as she made her way over to him.

Shinbe groaned as he watched Kyoko do the stupidest thing he had ever seen her do. She walked straight over to him and knelt down, reaching her hand out to touch his.

"Shinbe, what is it? Is someone hurt?"

He could hear the fear in her voice. She thought something was wrong. He almost laughed at the truth in that question, but thought better of it. She didn't know his secret. He was still safe, could still hide his heart from her.

Another wave of dizziness caught Kyoko unaware, and she couldn't keep her balance while kneeling beside him. She accidentally leaned too far forward and fell right into his lap. Stifling a giggle, she remembered something was wrong with him and opened her eyes again trying to concentrate. All this felt so much like a dream.

Kyoko suddenly noticed Shinbe’s chest was bare. Corded muscles were tensing, rippling, and stretching under her palms. She had never seen him with his shirt off before and was amazed. She blushed, knowing she shouldn't be thinking of him this way. He was her guardian and friend.

Trying to sober up, Kyoko shook her head, which didn't really help matters. She slowly lifted her gaze to his. He hadn't moved an inch and still hadn't told her what was wrong. Now she wished he would, because the look on his face was starting to alarm her.

Shinbe's body was shaking as he restrained himself from touching her. Something with more power than him seemed to be pushing him, demanding he reach out and take what he wanted more than breath. He would have been fine, but now she was here in his lap, staring into his eyes. Eyes he knew had to be full of pain, and she wanted to know what was wrong.

Something was definitely wrong with him and he couldn’t stop what seemed to be spinning quickly out of his control.

"I can't take it anymore," his voice was ragged with the force of his emotion riding so high. With those words he was trying to warn her, trying to tell her to get away, to go back to the other side of the time portal where she would be safe. Not to come back until he could keep his secret in control, hiding it once again. All his senses screamed that something was wrong, but his mind couldn’t fight this intense hunger.

Kyoko gasped, hearing his words laced with so much pain, and it saddened her. Everybody counted on him to be level headed, the glue that held the group together. Even she looked up to him and loved it when he was close and she could feel his calmness, his humor, and concern. But now it was the other way around. He was the one who needed comfort.

It must be all the fighting against demons… Hyakuhei… his curse. Oh God, his curse… the dimensional void that would be an early death for him. The ultimate power Hyakuhei had given him, knowing it would one day destroy him. She hadn't forgotten. She just tried really hard not to think about it, but she knew what would happen if they didn't stop Hyakuhei.

Kyoko reached out to him, trying to make it better and to ease his mind. "It's alright, Shinbe. I'm here." The second her hand touched his face, he came to life.

All logic had ceased and Shinbe's ironclad control snapped. He grabbed her shoulders, and rolled until she was pinned underneath him. Leaning over her body, he had everything he’d ever wanted… Kyoko. Without another coherent thought, his lips crashed down swiftly, claiming hers possessively, blocking everything else out of his mind. He’d held this feeling in check for far too long.

Shinbe acknowledged that he might have lost control of the situation a few exits back. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the thought crept in that she tasted like some kind of alcohol, and she smelled like it too. Controlling himself enough to raise up an inch, he gazed down at her, trying to tell if it was true. Searching her face, her eyes, and her flushed cheeks he jealously wondered who had gotten her drunk.

Kyoko knew that this wasn't really happening. No way was she staring up into the amethyst eyes of the very handsome Shinbe. No way was he staring down at her like he wanted her. Kyoko reasoned with herself that she was probably lying in the grass with her head still propped up on the maiden statue. Somewhere in this dream, she could even hear Hyakuhei laughing at her.

She could have sworn she remembered sliding down the maiden statue and falling asleep. She was probably right now passed out having a dream, and her drunken mind had picked Shinbe to join her, instead of Toya.

Kyoko barely shook her head, feeling giddy, and sighed the words, "Crazy dreams," as she stared into the passion-glazed eyes of Shinbe. Her lips still tingling from the force of the dream kiss.

Shinbe lowered his lips to hers again. He’d heard enough. Kyoko thought she was dreaming. Shinbe only hoped she was right. But either way, he was unable to stop. He couldn't stop even if he tried and he licked at her lips. She parted them with a tiny whimper… a sound that only hardened him even more, if that was possible.

He broke out in a sweat trying to restrain himself as his guardian blood surfaced. He wanted to go slowly as he deepened the kiss, invading her, taking and giving within the heat of the kiss. He had always wanted to kiss her like this, forever it seemed.

The muscles in his arms flexed as he held himself above her, making love to her lips and beyond. His hands were impatient as they worked on ridding her of her clothes. Within only a few short minutes, she lay under him, completely naked. She hadn't fought it as he took her clothes from her. Why would she? It was a dream… right?

Shinbe's breath stilled as he gazed down at her just as she’d appeared within his dream only a few short minutes ago. She was his priestess… his secret… his love. He slid his body against hers, loving the feel of her silky skin, sharpening his pain and his need to have her, to make love to her.

‘It has to be a dream,’ he tried to convince himself.

He dipped his head to nuzzle her neck, licking and kissing her skin, tasting her gently and forcibly. He showed her how much he loved her as he made his way down her body. This would be the only time he would see and taste all of her. Sharp heat shot through him as she arched against him, moaning when he drew her breast into his mouth, licking at it with his tongue, bringing her body to life.

More of his wishes were fulfilled as Shinbe trailed kisses down her taut belly and she writhed beneath him. His muscles jumped as she clutched him to her, trying to get even closer. Shinbe was as close to heaven as he would ever get, with her essence surrounding him. Inch by slow inch, he crawled back up and over her.

Settling between her legs, he shuddered with need when the heat of her opening warmed the throbbing head of his swollen manhood. He wanted her to see him as he drove inside her, even if this was a dream. His body hardened, tightened around hers.

"Open your eyes," he whispered. His voice was mesmerizing, a deliberate seduction, and as soon as she opened those amazing emerald eyes he thrust forward, swiftly burying himself to the hilt within her heat, wanting to save her the pain of her first time. An anguished cry tore from his throat as he felt her blood bond give way to him.

Her tightness grasped him hard within her silken heat, drawing him in even deeper. If it weren't for his stubborn self-control, he would have come out of his skin right then. He gritted his teeth in an effort to hold still, breathing hard as he watched her toss her head from side to side, lips soundlessly parting. Quickly, he claimed her lips before the cry could escape her.

Once he felt her calm down, he eased off of the kiss. Giving into the first slow, but hard, deep thrust, he was rewarded with her hips coming up to meet his as her own passion started to blaze. He inhaled her moans of ecstasy, savoring them as the cherished memories he knew they would become. Giving into the feeling of her wrapped around him, he let go of his restraint. He wanted to make love to her with all of him, holding nothing back.

Lacing his fingers through hers, he pulled her hands above her head and held them down against the soft blanket. Shinbe raised himself above her so he could watch her passionate expressions as he started a rhythm that quickly drove them both over the edge. Deep and fast strokes turned in to hard slow thrusts before pausing to strain against her, only to swiftly retreat then slam back into her again.

Shinbe could feel the many times that she reached her peak as spasms racked her body. He could feel them as she squeezed him even tighter. His whole body glistened in the moonlight from holding back his own release. It was killing him, until finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and knowing she was reaching her peak again, he set a pace that rocked them both.

Taking them both over the edge, he gave one final thrust, as deep as he could and held it, throwing back his head. The sound that was ripped from him was neither human nor immortal. It was pain and pleasure, the pentacle of both, as his seed shot into her body… deep, hot, and steady with his heartbeat.

Once the world was again standing still, Shinbe looked down at Kyoko just as a passion glazed smile appeared across her kiss swollen lips and her eyes slowly closed.

Already feeling the heartbreak of what he’d just done, Shinbe lowered his lips to hers and whispered the truth against them, "I love you."

*****

Sometime later, deep into the night, Shinbe awoke to find Kyoko dressed, but asleep next to him on the blanket within the shimmering grass.

Not wanting to wake her and face his sins just yet, he soundlessly carried the sleeping priestess, along with the pack she carried, within the walls of the hut where the rest of the group still slept.

Once he had her tucked into her usual spot between the wall and Suki, he slowly slid down the opposite wall, drawing his knees up to his chest, happier and more afraid than he had ever been in his life. But if he were going to die within the next couple hours, then he would die happy.

Shinbe closed his eyes wondering which would be worse, Kyoko remembering, or her not remembering. He knew he would never love another, for one had to have a heart in order to love, and he didn't have a heart. He’d already given it away. Kyoko had carried his heart since the first day he’d laid eyes on her.