The Way to myself

At first, my wife was just watching me, then she started criticizing, and after that she seemed to leave it alone, thinking: “the case is hopeless, my husband is crazy. I got married to a normal man, but now there is a stranger in front of my eyes: everyday he wakes up with the dawn, declines usual food and habits, does something inexplicable, smiles all the time…”

Nevertheless, I didn’t listen to anyone, I didn’t apologize, nor did I explain anything. I loved the changes in my inner being, and the only thing I wanted was to continue.

Sometime later, Maksim suggested going to India once again. Now it was an expedition to a place of power called Tapovan. That trip affected my life a lot. There, in Tapovan, I received one of the most interesting experiences in my life – the experience of communicating with my inner master and of unquestioning belief. I’ll tell you more about this amazing event in one of following chapters.

After I came back home from the trip that changed my mind regarding life, I faced a problem: “How do I live among people having that knowledge about the world and myself? How do I live in a society where everyone does nothing but tries to deceive each other, being forever in a hurry while running in the same circle of obligations and routine? Everything these people like, poisons me and makes my life worse…”

I DON’T KNOW: HOW SHOULD I LIVE HERE NOW?

So, I stepped on the path of total depression. While feeling wonderful happiness inside, I didn’t understand how I can live further, how I should act in the world, where no one can accept me…”

Those days I felt like an alien everywhere, including my own home. My wife used to listen to me before and found my opinion important, but now she seemed to be separated from me by an invisible wall. I saw fear in Marina’s eyes: she couldn’t understand who that person was, and what he would do.

Parents, colleagues, friends, employees – everyone was steering clear of me. While living in the city with millions of citizens, being among crowds of people, being in the family circle, I felt as if there was nobody else on my planet, no one who could hear, understand and support me. I was alone.

However, I was still feeling absolutely happy inside. I tried to spend more time in nature. I enjoyed eating some simple food. And even that food I didn’t eat much. I enjoyed my inner freedom from meaningless hurry, empty actions and addictions.

THAT TOUGH PERIOD OF MY LIFE LASTED FOR ABOUT HALF A YEAR. MY WORLD SEEMED TO BE BEING RUINED. IN FACT, IT WAS ONLY MY OWN CONCEPT OF LIFE, MADE UP BY MY MIND, WHICH WAS RUINED. AND A FLOW WHERE I JUST NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND HOW LIFE GOES AND WHAT FATE GIVES TOOK THAT CONCEPT’S PLACE.

That’s how I came upon the next crossroads in my life. It was time to decide how I should live and which way I should choose. Should I decline my former life and everything I managed to create and establish to save myself? Should I move to another place and start my personal story from scratch? Or should I come back to what it was and, possibly, lose a part of my inner world?

Thinking about that difficult choice, I remembered my Teacher. He said that everything around us is love, and there is no white or black in the world. There is no division into darkness and light, good and bad, there are just many different energies seen by our mind. Therefore, it’s not about others and their “imperfection”. The reason was inside me: I didn’t understand something about the world, surrounding me. And everything will change as soon as I manage to love the outer space as much as my inner world.

So, I decided to stay in this world, to come back to active social life and people, simultaneously saving myself – as I was by that moment. However, staying among people was difficult and even painful. There was no love in society, everybody used each other. I still couldn’t understand the meaning of some actions people did, and they, consequently, didn’t understand me, didn’t share my values.

Moreover, I started noticing how fast my mind was getting littered. As soon as I spoke with a person filled with anxiety, anger, or annoyance, their inner chaos seemed to become a part of me…

Anyways, the decision was taken, and I needed to learn to live a new way. What’s more, I was well-prepared for that – the practices proved beneficial. As everyone else brushes their teeth in the morning, I was cleansing my mind and body on daily basis. I increased the number and length of practices, meditated a lot, became more careful about food. Once in December I lived through ten days’ fast on water, and next 10 days I only consumed some natural juices. Gradually, my relationships with others started changing. I found some like-minded people, who shared my values and lived the same way as me.

Those, the closest ones, still couldn’t understand me or my lifestyle. Me and my wife continued moving apart. Even though we lived together physically, mentally we were becoming aliens, strangers. Once I got a feeling that whatever I do, there’s no way to avoid divorce. We were too different now. She wasn’t interested in what I was living by, and I didn’t understand her wishes, choices and values.

That’s how I got into one of the main traps of my life: I saw my spiritual Ego, which wanted to change everyone. Yes, I managed to change my mind and my life afterwards. But it occurred that was not enough – I wanted to change the minds and lives of others, too! I wanted everyone to choose and love the same things I did. I wanted them to think like me, live like me, because that was right, wasn’t it?

THAT MOMENT I UNDERSTOOD HOW HUGE WAS THE GAP BETWEEN ME AND TRUE LOVE. HOW FAR I WAS FROM EVERYTHING I WAS HEADING TO FOR ALL THOSE YEARS. LOVE IS NOT EAGERNESS TO CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE HIM MORE CONVENIENT FOR YOU. LOVE IS ACCEPTING ANOTHER PERSON AS THEY ARE.

I got it that I had no right to change anybody. Everybody has their own unique way. Everything I have in my life has only one purpose: to change myself. That discovery was, presumably, the most important in my whole life. After going through another crisis, I entered the next level of my self-development. From that very moment, by the way, my family life and relationships with friends and colleagues started improving fast.

I accepted my wife and her choice to live the way she supposed to be right. I accepted my home city, my friends, and environment as they were, without of any wish to change or “improve” anything. Soon I got reassured that my inner decision to do so was enough for them to accept me back, too.

That’s how it all works! It seems to be so easy, but it took me two long years to understand that.

I started spending more time with my family, and paid more attention to my business. Now everything went differently. I had taken a break from everything for some time, and got back into it afterwards, but I was already another person with a different understanding of myself and new views on how to live, love, create and work.

The closest relationships I had were now founded on brand new values, the main of which were love, peacefulness of the soul, and acceptance of their lifestyle. So, I wanted to start doing something based on new values in business as well.

That period of global twists in my life was the time when I started a new project – “Mira” center of healthy rest. In fact, I started building a new world, where I’d like to live and work among the energies of health, joy, and creation. I did that, firstly, for myself, my family and like-minded people.

In 2016, “Mira” turned 3 years old. It became one of the popular places in the city. A place, where you could relax and forget about the daily rush for sure. We managed to create, and offer to the citizens, a new space of purity, freedom and respect – a space of new cultural life. In “Mira”, people share, instead of consuming. It’s a place, where love is alive, not fear.

“MIRA” IS A PLACE FOR MY SELF-FULFILLMENT AND THAT OF OTHERS AS WELL. IT’S A PLACE OF OPPORTUNITIES, WHERE EVERYONE CAN DISPLAY THEMSELVES.

“Mira’s” mission is to create an environment for physical and mental cleansing. Here everyone can show themselves while respecting the freedom of other’s to do so as well. It’s a place where people get to know themselves and the surrounding world.

Nowadays, there are people I can call like-minded working in “Mira” center. Together we build up what is a part of ourselves.

The inner master

At times, I still struggle keeping the level of maintaining my inner self as level and solid as I’m used to, which I’ve got already used to. Though, now, thanks to spiritual practices, meditation and yoga, I know how to recover, cleanse, and fill myself with the energy needed fast. And I’ve found another pattern: the more I give, the more stable and strong I become.

I have regained the material-spiritual balance in my life. Now in material things, events and circumstances, I can see the spirit and thin ties connecting everything together-the unity of the world in its diversity. I see it clearly that my mission is not in India, trips, or searching for different paths. My mission is to live in my home land, in Novosibirsk: this is where I can, and must do something helpful for people, and give them everything I know and do everything I can.

That’s precisely why I take part in seminars and other public events often these days: that gives me an opportunity to share the experience gained on my journey to myself.

That’s how, after years of anxiety and searching, I started discovering my inner master, who led me by the strings of fate all this time. Now I don’t need to look for other people’s answers. I ask myself how I can do something in the best way, and receive an immediate answer through feelings, thoughts, and senses. Today I know, that calmness, love and joy shouldn’t be looked for. Everybody has them – they’re inside.

Although, that shift was difficult to make, I found out that it’s possible through my own experience. A man can move from the state of being deep inside the material world, through situations of absolute despair, spiritual and moral crises and achieve inner and outer harmony.

I moved towards myself, to my true heart, by different paths. I made mistakes, got into dead ends, lost my path, lost and regained the meaning of life. And all that for one reason: to be sure I’m living my life, and that it’s only mine.

I got that in time: you shouldn’t sit in the shadow of another person, however great they are. You should find the light inside your own soul, discover your source of sunny, living energy, and shine as only you can.

Right, that wasn’t easy. But my destiny is to become the inner Master for myself. Of course, at first, while your mind is awakening, the Teacher helps you take your first steps, leading you. Gradually, you start doing that on your own. And after that the knowledge comes that the best Master for yourself is you.

The environment where you live and develop is important, too. To go down this path power, determination and will are required. And little by little, going through all the challenges, gathering new knowledge and experience, you’ll find your unique self-sufficient personality. From that moment there is no need to seek for other sources anymore. You are the source for yourself and for others.

Before awakening, the sleeping human mind travels a long distance. Starting from the feeling of a dead end, misunderstanding and confusion, searching and finding your way, you get self-confidence and self-sufficiency. After that, and pretty fast, you’ll get a feeling of inner fullness and stability moving forward. Then, you are close to your step to the next level of consciousness, you know how to live giving and devoting yourself to others.

The main reward for the Master you become, on your path of eternal cognition is that moving forward you open and know yourself in a new way each moment. You develop, become versatile and get a new understanding of everything that there is in the world…

TODAY I KNOW: THERE IS NO END FOR THIS AWARENESS.

Pilot Babagi

With the Teacher in Jakarta

Chapter 2. Family

The story of how I met my future wife is simple. We met first in a nightclub, a friend of mine asked to give some girls a ride home. A week later I happened to bump into her in the street. We went for a walk in the city and had a casual chat. Talking with her was interesting to me. She seemed to be very young, really shy, and humble. Marina was 16 years old back then, while I was already 22.

That meeting didn’t go anywhere. The next time we met was about 5 years later. And by chance again. Once at favorite pizzeria there were no free tables, but the one where Marina was sitting with her friend. We had lunch, chatted about different stuff and, in fact, became acquainted once again. By that time, Marina had started studying at a university in the foreign language department. I asked her for help with my English studies – to find a good teacher for me. That was a good reason to exchange phone numbers!

After that we only communicated for business. However, later on we found some common interests: traveling, feelings, language studies, foreign cultures…

A couple of months later, we got to the next level of our relationships – we started, as it was called back then, becoming friends. Marina had already turned 22 years old when we went traveling together, even though I had to meet her father and promise that everything would be OK with her, putting all the responsibility on myself. It was very surprising for me, but I did everything I could, and we went to Spain.

Our relationship was developing. We were getting used to each other, and half a year after our reacquaintance, I decided to make her a proposal. I chose the same pizzeria and again, our table was the only free one.

No romance! I remember, I started our conversation by proposing to Marina that we should end our current relationship. I meant that the stage of friendship and getting to know each other was coming to its end, and it was time to take the next step, a serious one – to become husband and wife.