Phobias, Disappointments and Grief: A Fast Remedy

“We do,” they answer together but then Dima takes the initiative. “There was an incident several years ago, and this is when it all started. I was on my way to pick up my wife and son at my sister-in-law’s. I was feeling happy, looking forward to meeting them. Before I went into the flat, my sister-in-law said: ‘Something has happened to your parents’. It felt as if hot water was being poured on me. There was a sinking feeling that then left my body through my feet. I started asking what had happened. It turned out my mother-in-law had a bad dream about my parents and she always claims her dreams come true!”

“I felt really worried,” Dima continues. “I tried calling my parents (they used to live in Uzbekistan back then) but I couldn’t get through. Only 24 hours later I finally reached them, and I asked them cautiously how they were doing. They said everything was OK. I kept asking and found out that indeed there had been a small accident: my dad’s car got hit from behind but the damage was minimal and with no injuries. I calmed down but then one week later I had the first anxiety attack that scared me so much…”

A woman in my chest

We begin exploring the sensations. Dima points to the pressure in his chest.

“What is that feeling?” I ask.

“A woman is sitting there…” – Dima replies.

“Who is it?”

“My mother-in-law,” he sounds absolutely sure about it. “It was her who started it when the breakdown happened,” he sounds annoyed.

Then it turned out that the mother-in-law wasn’t the only reason. Dima seems to have the same reaction to any situation when the circumstances are pressuring him: he suffers, says nothing, and it makes him angry. He would really like to tell some of them to get lost, but he has to stop himself. “When I was a child, I could openly say what I didn’t like and have it my own way, but now I cannot do it anymore.” Dima removed his mother-in-law and others from his chest and resolved to expressing his discontent in a civilized way. The knowledge of how he could react differently moved down to his body. It was as if his soul suddenly matured. For some time Dima became busy with his work and family, and we lost touch.

Bargain till the end and pay in full

Several years later I was standing in the street hailing a cab when suddenly a car stopped and from inside a smiling face was looking back at me. This man offered to give me a lift and called me by my name. As soon as I got into the car I realized it was Dima. I feel great, – he said happily, – I haven’t needed a doctor’s help since then. We talked about this and that. When we got to my destination I got my wallet out.

“No, no, there’s no need to!” Dima protested.

“Do you remember how you were telling me about your grandfather” words: “Bargain till the end and pay in full’? Please take the money; you’ve earned it.”

Dima didn’t protest any more. He had paid me for my work and hadn’t tried to bargain. Dima’s story has a lot of typical details like “It felt as if hot water was being poured on me,” “the sensation went through my body and left it through my feet,” “my chest feels tight”. The logic of affect gives you information on how it can be treated. If there’s a tight feeling in the chest, you should release this tension. If there were sensations passing through your body, then they will leave through your body as well. In any case there must be a reverse process. The images one experiences can be very different. As we have just seen, you can even experience “your mother-in-law sitting on your chest”.

A case from practice. A sniper

Finally, in this section I would like to cite the most illustrative example. This is a story of a sniper, Yuri. He was summoned for a compulsory military service and spent 10 months in combat in a war zone. He was 24 when he sought medical attention. His condition could be defined as a post-traumatic stress disorder.

Fig. 10. Fear and anger: a square head with big round eyes; a rounded body.

Booze doesn’t help

After the discharge Yuri started having nightmares; he could barely sleep at night and then during the day he was irritated up to the point of starting a fight. In an attempt to get rid of this curse, he was drinking heavily. When he found out about the renewal of hostilities, his nightmares came back, and this time they had a mix of war and everyday life in them. Then there was another round of insomnia, and then it was alcohol’s turn again. His final binge lasted for four days after that, he began psychotherapy.

The soul is alive

When we started talking I understood that drinking had already done some damage to Yuri. His facial expression seemed distorted. However, one could see that his soul was alive. Yuri really wanted to get better. He is an emotional person, short and plump. His speech is fast and rambling as if he is in a hurry.

At first Yuri performed our standard test and drew a person. In the drawing you can find a typical manifestation: there is a mixture of rage (a round body and a square head) and fear (round eyes) in a person who is longing for comfort (short arms and legs of triangular forms with vertex points attached to the body).

According to the drawing, one can conclude that the body is the zone of energetic overflow and some tension.

You will need your strength

The age of a person in the picture is 24, which corresponds to the age of the patient. I asked my usual questions:

“What feelings are connected with this age?”

“Nightmares,” Yuri responded immediately.

“Where are these sensations located?” I continued. “Are they in your head, in your chest, in your stomach or anywhere else? You can close your eyes.”

“I feel worried in my soul,” the patient said pointing to his chest. “Just like when you’re on a swing, you catch your breath, and your hands start shaking.”

“What do you feel in your chest? Is it something heavy or light?”

“It’s heaviness.”

“How heavy is it?”

“It weighs a lot.”

“Is it gas, liquid or solid?” – I asked.

“It’s liquid. It’s crushing me.”

“How much liquid is there?”

“About three gallons.”

It must have taken a lot of time to gather that much liquid. Yuri agreed with me.

“Are you planning on gathering more of this liquid or is it time to stop?”

“No, that’s enough,” the patient responded.

Then I asked my final question:

“How much of your energy does it take away from you?”

“50%.”

“Would you need this energy?”

“Of course!” – Yuri replied. His eyes were still closed. His internal work was still in progress.

“Observe where your sensations are going.”

“To my arms,” Yuri said. “They are getting hot…”

And then we start observing how drawing attention to these sensations reveals what happened and how this can lead to the needed corrective changes.

Once the evaluation was formed, we can renew the state.

Stepping into a hot bath on a cold winter day