The Hot Ladies Murder Club

The short black woman in her late twenties looked older than she was and tougher, too, but in a good way. People took Taz seriously in spite of her tendency to be flamboyant.

Tonight Taz had bells on her gold, strappy sandals, so she jingled when she pranced across the threshold. “Don’t you dare say you’re too busy to go out and eat again!”

Taz whirled to a chorus of more tinkling bells. “How do you like the new me?” Taz shot her a hot white smile. Waist-length black braids danced about her wide, golden face. She barely came up to Hannah’s shoulders; still, she exuded the presence of a woman ten times her size. Unlike Katherine, she wasn’t scary or intimidating. Taz was plump and inviting, and men of all ages, classes and races threw themselves at her.

“Not that any of them have ever been someone I can take home to my grandmother,” Taz had confided to Hannah one afternoon when Taz’s phone hadn’t quit ringing. Like Hannah, Taz had a weakness for bad boys.

“Whoa. What did you do to your hair?” Hannah asked.

At least a hundred braids fell about Tasmania’s voluptuous shoulders. A pleated gown that made her look Egyptian swirled around her hips as she danced about the kitchen.

“You definitely got carried away this time.”

“I told my man to take a hike. Then I got me a massage and a makeover.” She wiggled a foot and showed off painted green toenails.

“You don’t look much like a high school principal.”

“Don’t want to, either. Not tonight, anyway.” Taz laughed.

“Tinkerbell with Egyptian braids.”

“Who rides a motorcycle, too.” She pushed past Hannah and slapped a hot pink card onto the counter. “Got my new business cards. You got a beer?”

“Just chardonnay.”

Taz frowned. “How did your deposition with Mr. Billboard go?”

Hannah’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Bad, huh? Well, you got to him. A friend of mine who works for the handsome no-good told me. He was so upset after you left, he kicked a door.”

Hannah beamed. “He fixed my flat, too.”

“Better watch yourself, girl. He definitely wants you in bed.”

Hannah shrugged. “He is handsome.”

“No man ever does the slightest thing to help you if he isn’t enticed.”

Hannah rolled her eyes and guzzled a big sip of wine.

“Test my hypothesis some time. You’ll see I’m right. But I want to talk about this lawsuit stuff. Did I tell you—I’m being sued, too?”

“What? Why?”

“As if you need a why in south Texas. But…okay…you want the details. You know I broke up with Sid.”

“Right.”

“Well, the night before we broke up, we’d had some pretty raucous sex. Sid was hungry, so I nuked him a leftover hamburger. The damn pickle fell out of the bun and burned his…er…member. The man did carry on. He turned beet red. I’m afraid I started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“You burned his pickle with a pickle and laughed and then you dumped him?”

“Yeah. ’Cause he got so mad when I laughed. I can’t stand a man with no sense of humor.”

“You shouldn’t have laughed.”

“You should have heard the mean things he called me. It wasn’t fair. If he wouldn’t have been talking and eating at the same time the hot pickle wouldn’t have…So, it’s his fault! But his lawyer, he says it’s my fault Sid can’t make love to his new woman.”

“If you go to court, lose the braids.”

“Hell, now I wished I’d bobbed his pink pickle or something. Then he wouldn’t be worried he can’t put it where he shouldn’t.”

“You are mad.”

“I got served with a bunch of legal stuff at school today. What I need is to go out and distract myself. Where are we going to supper? What about a bar, too?”

Hannah opened the fridge and got out the bottle of wine. Then she sifted through her sink and washed two wineglasses.

“Don’t bother drying.” Taz grabbed a wet glass and poured. She took a sip and choked. Then she emptied a teaspoon of sugar into her wineglass and swirled it.

Hannah read Taz’s new hot-pink business card. “Let Sister Tasmania make your wishes come true. Defeat your enemies. And your rivals. If you have a problem with the past, present, future, marriage, business, finance or health, Sister will help you out. There is no burden too great for her to lift from your heavy heart. She succeeds where others fail.” Hannah set the card down and laughed. “You’re supposed to be a school principal.”

“Not for long. That was my grandmother’s dream. I’m opening myself a little business on the side, something more spiritual, so I have more time to stay in touch with whatever’s out there.”

Hannah lifted the pink card again. “Oh, boy, do I have a burden.”

“Mr. Billboard?”

“He’s one problem, yes.”

“You want him off the case? Jump his bones. The man has a weakness for the ladies. Get him on your side.”

“I loathe him.”

“Baby, don’t you know that’ll just make the sex better? I hated Sid half the nights we did it.”

“I’m not like that,” Hannah said. “I want to love the next man.”

“You’re one hot lady. I can tell that about you.” Taz pursed her lips. “Even with sugar, your wine is so-o dry. It doesn’t quench my thirst at all.”

“Sugar! I can’t believe you put sugar in—”

“Let’s go out for a beer. And no salad bar! I could do with something tasty like a burger, too.”

“No more burgers.” Hannah crossed her heart. “I made a vow. Besides, after your hot-pickle adventure, I wouldn’t think you’d want—”

“I blame Sid—not burgers!”