Hannah's Journey

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Upper or lower?”

“Upper,” she replied and felt her cheeks flush at the impropriety of this particular topic. “Well, I’ll leave you to your work,” she said.

“Why were you looking for Hans? It’s not yet dawn and if there’s no problem with your accommodations.…”

She took a moment to consider her options. Levi was a man—younger than Hans and perhaps more likely to remember what it had been like to be a boy of eleven. “I am worried about my son,” she admitted.

“If he took off with my crew, Hannah, we will find him and until we do, I assure you that he is in good company. No harm will come to him.”

“But what if he didn’t? What if he just ran away? What if he got to the circus grounds too late and your company had already left and he just decided to go off on his own?” The thoughts that she had successfully held at bay through the long night now came tumbling out. “What if even now with every mile we go I am moving farther and farther from him? Perhaps I was too hasty in my assumption. Perhaps I should…”

Levi pushed the ledger aside and indicated that she should take a seat on the end of the tufted settee closest to the dining chair he had pulled over to the desk. “It seems to me that you have ample reason to believe that your son is with my company. From what you have told me, the boy is a planner and as such he would have timed his departure so that he did not run the risk of missing the train.”

“But…”

“And even if he did miss it, we are going to know that within a matter of hours. We are scheduled to arrive in Jonesville just after breakfast. The company will be doing two shows there today—a matinee and an evening performance. If Caleb is with them we will find him.”

“And if not?”

“Then I will see that you and your family are on the next train back to Sarasota and I will personally notify the authorities there to begin the search for your son. One step at a time, Hannah.” He stood up and poured a second cup of coffee from the silver coffeepot on the sideboard and handed it to her. “Drink this,” he said. “You’re running on nerves and you’re going to need your strength for the day ahead, whatever it may bring.”

“Thank you,” she murmured as she took a sip of the hot strong brew. “You’ve been more than kind to us. I assure you that we’ll be out of your way soon.” She took a second sip. “Do you recall—I mean, Caleb is a boy of eleven and he’s had so much responsibility thrust upon him since the death of his father. It occurred to me that this business isn’t really about joining the circus at all.”

“It’s about finding his way,” Levi said. “Testing himself—and you.”

“In what way is he testing me?”

Levi shrugged. “He may not realize it but he wants to see if you will come after him and, if you do, whether or not things will be different for the two of you once you find him.”

“I love him,” Hannah whispered and her voice quaked.

“Enough to one day let him go?”

“He’s eleven,” she protested.

“I said one day, Hannah. Don’t make the mistake of making this boy your reason for living. Don’t try to mold him into some kind of replacement for the life you thought you would have with your husband.”

“I wouldn’t. I don’t,” she said firmly and stood up. Flustered with irritation at his assumption that he knew anything at all about her or her life, she started to hand him the coffee cup then thought better of it and placed the cup and saucer on the silver tray that held the coffee service on the sideboard. “Thank you for the coffee,” she said. “I expect Pleasant will be awake by now—she’s used to rising early for the baking.…” She started toward the passageway just as the train lurched around a curve.

Surefooted as a tiger, he steadied her before she could fall, his hands grasping her upper arms and remaining there until she regained her balance.

“Thank you,” she whispered and pulled away.

Levi stood watching her hurry along the corridor that ran the length of his private car. It wasn’t until she opened the door to her cabin and disappeared that he realized he’d been holding his breath and clenching his fists as if somehow that might keep the warmth of touching her from running away as she had.

“It’s not the same,” he muttered as he turned back to the desk, slammed shut the ledger and then retrieved his suit jacket from the back of the chair. But the picture of Hannah’s son striking out in the middle of the night, slipping away from the only house he’d probably ever known as home and heading off into the unknown stirred memories of Levi’s own youth that he had thought long since forgotten.

Suddenly, he recalled with graphic clarity the combination of fear and exhilaration he’d felt that night. Equally as strong came the memory of his doubt and regret after he’d been on the road for only a day. “It was different for me,” he muttered as he poured himself a second cup of coffee. “I was fourteen.”

He heard the sound of conversation in the passageway, drained his coffee and turned to face whatever this day might bring. Gunther Goodloe was speaking in low tones in his native tongue as he led Hannah and Pleasant to the dining room.

“Good morning, Mr. Goodloe. I trust your accommodations were satisfactory?”

“Yes, thank you for allowing the change.” He indicated that the two women should take the places on the settee where they had sat for supper the evening before.

“Please take my place, sir,” Levi urged, holding out the chair for the older man. “You’ll have a better view of the passing scenery from here,” he added, knowing full well that he had decided upon the change in seating abruptly so that he would not have to touch Hannah again during morning prayers.

On cue Hans appeared with a tea cart loaded with covered sterling serving dishes. He lifted the cover on the first and offered a selection of sausages and bacon to the two women, then Mr. Goodloe and finally Levi. He repeated this process with a chafing dish filled with steaming scrambled eggs, then another with a selection of breads and rolls, and finally offered each guest butter and jam. Meanwhile, the maid traveling with them filled glasses with milk and offered coffee and tea.

Through all of this Levi kept up a running conversation about the countryside they were traversing. “I’m afraid the boom times ended for Florida after the hurricane of ’26,” he said.

“And yet your business seems to be thriving,” Gunther replied.

“Even in hard times people need to be entertained,” Levi replied. “Perhaps especially in hard times.” Knowing it was inevitable, Levi extended his hands to Pleasant and Gunther. “Shall we pray?”

It took a moment before he realized that because he had extended the invitation, the others were waiting for him to bow his head. Forgetting that Amish grace was said in silence, he cleared his throat and murmured thanks for the food and the company and then added, “And may today bring Hannah the news she needs to know that her son is safe. Amen.”

When he looked up he was surprised to see Gunther frowning and Hannah blushing. For her part, Pleasant had focused all of her attention on the food before her and he couldn’t help but wonder what law of propriety he had just broken. Was it the prayer? He hadn’t prayed in years and yet thought he had done a passable job of offering grace before a meal. And then he understood his mistake. It was bad enough that he had offered the prayer aloud, but he had also singled Hannah out for special attention and called her by her given name.

“I apologize, sir,” he said, refusing to ignore the situation. “It’s just that we are all concerned about your grandson and I suppose that has made me feel a particular closeness to your family. Nevertheless, I was too familiar just now. I hope you will forgive my lapse in manners.”

“Not at all,” Gunther replied. “We are in your world now. I am honored that you have shown such concern for my grandson’s well-being. If you are more comfortable calling us by our given names, then that’s the least we can do.” He drank a long swallow of his milk. “I have noticed that Mr. Winters is distinctly uncomfortable with such formality,” he added.

“You are very observant, sir. And very kind.”

He saw that Gunther took the compliment in stride without acknowledging it. Instead, he evidently decided that a fresh round of introductions was in order. “And so we are the Goodloe family. I am Gunther and my daughter is Pleasant and as you have observed, Caleb’s mother is Hannah.”

“And I am Levi.” He shook hands with Gunther then smiled at Pleasant whose lips were pursed into a worried pucker as if unsure of what to make of all this. Finally, he looked at Hannah who met his gaze directly.

“And my son is Caleb,” she said softly. “And today, God willing, we shall find him and not trouble you further, Levi.”

As promised, they arrived in the small town of Jonesville an hour later. On the way into town the train slowed and then paused as Levi’s private car was moved to a siding next to a large field. From her position on the observation deck at the back of the car, Hannah could see dozens of workers, some hammering in the long stakes that would hold the huge circus tent in place. Other workers performed the same task as a dozen smaller tents went up on the property.

“That one is the cooking tent and next to it the dining tent,” Levi told them as Gunther, Pleasant and Hannah leaned out over the scrolled and turned-brass railing of the deck for a better view. “Wardrobe,” he continued, “dressing rooms, makeup, props.”

“It’s like a city in itself,” Hannah observed and she was beginning to understand how such activity might have captivated Caleb. “It’s so colorful and…”

“Exciting,” Pleasant whispered. Then she glanced at her father and added, “If you enjoy that sort of thing.”

“So many people,” Hannah said as she scanned the throng of workers for any sign of her son.

“We’ll find him,” Levi said quietly. Then in a more normal tone he added, “Care to watch the unloading of the wagons, Gunther? I promise you it’s worth every minute of your time.”

“I wouldn’t mind getting off this train and stretching my legs on firm ground a bit,” Gunther replied.

Levi opened the small gate that led to three steps and disembarked. From the ground he held out a hand to Pleasant. “Ladies,” he invited as he escorted them safely to the ground. Then he waited for Gunther to navigate the short flight of steps before beginning the tour.

“There are forty flatcars for transporting the wagons,” he said as he headed toward a siding where the line of cars with their cargo of painted and gilded circus wagons waited. “A wagon can weigh as much as six tons,” he added, and Hannah saw that her father-in-law was intrigued in spite of his reservations about coming too close to this outside world.