Always The Hero

“You did great,” Matt assured her as he followed her down the stairs. “And I bet we’ll work well together.”

“We’ll see about that.” Her flat shoes slapped against the plank boards. “Do you need me to talk to Luke or are you going to?”

“I’ll do it.” If Fletch’s reaction had been any indication, their boss wasn’t going to have any issues about Lori working with them. The evening breeze kicked up with its normal ocean chill. “I’m just glad we’re finally alone so we can talk.” He followed Willa’s lead and pushed his hands into his pockets as he caught up to Lori. “I want to explain about why I didn’t return your calls. Why I disappeared—”

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t need coddling, Matt. You apologized. I accepted. We don’t have to discuss it anymore.”

Matt reached out, caught her arm and pulled her to a stop. “Would you please slow down? I don’t move as quickly as I used to.”

“Oh, I’m so sor—” The instant sympathy on her face faded when she lifted her gaze from his leg to his face. “Really? You played that card?”

“Desperate times.” Matt let go, not liking the tension in her arm. When he saw her shiver and pull her sweater across her chest, he shrugged out of his jacket, hesitating briefly at the guarded look in her eyes. “You aren’t going to slug me for this, are you?” Before she could respond, he draped the coat around her, grateful for the excuse to step closer. He loved how her hair smelled, like flowers and vanilla. “Just give me a few minutes, please. That’s all I’m asking. Believe me it won’t take much longer than that to admit what a complete idiot I’ve been.”

Lori’s eyebrow arched. “So the universe is wrong? Men are fine admitting when they’re wrong?”

“Some of us are.” It wasn’t his favorite pastime, but he knew when he was due for a mea culpa. “I meant it earlier when I said I had some things to work out. Some things I’ve been carrying around since before I got out of the service. Then you and I started getting close and I realized I was out of time.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Lori’s eyes went blank.

Matt sighed. Maybe this wasn’t the right time and place after all. The sun was nearly gone for the night. The lighted streetlamps caught the red highlights in her hair, the silver flecks in her eyes. Or maybe he was stalling because telling the truth would make him look like a bigger idiot than she probably already thought him to be. How he wished she could read his mind so he didn’t have to explain. But that wouldn’t erase the skepticism and the hurt that had been haunting him all evening.

“Matt.” She reached out, almost took hold of his arm, then seemed to think better of it and snatched her hand back to clutch at his jacket. “Matt, if we’re nothing else, we are friends, remember? Whatever it is you have to tell me, whatever it is you think you need to—”

“I’m married.”

* * *

“MARRIED.” SHE BLINKED so quickly and so fast her vision blurred. “You’re...married.” Her pulse couldn’t decide whether to race or stop altogether.

“Was married. Until today,” he said as she took a step back. “I signed the divorce papers. Today. This morning. It’s been years since I’ve seen her, spoken to her, and then after you and I started getting closer, I realized I needed to figure out—”

“Wait a minute. Stop.” The odd ringing in her ears made her blood pound. She barely recognized her own voice, and when she held up a hand, her fingers trembled. “You’re married? As in.” Her gaze dropped to his hand as an invisible curtain dropped between them. “You have a wife?”

He scrubbed his hand across his bare chin. “Look, I know how this sounds, how it looks—”

“I’m not sure how it could sound or look any other way.” How was this possible? How had she not known? How could he not have told her?

“I should have told you from the beginning. The truth is—”

“The truth?” She didn’t know what else to do. She laughed as she shoved his hands away.

“Okay, yeah, I deserve that. The truth is my marriage to Gina was over before I got back home from Iraq.”

“You’ve been home for three years, Matt. That doesn’t sound over to me.”

“I don’t know if I can explain... I can’t quite explain it to myself,” he said, and for a moment, the desperation in his eyes struck her like an arrow to the heart. “Admitting I failed at something, it’s just not easy. But, it was time. I did sign the papers.”

“Today.” After weeks of talking to her, spending time with her, letting her believe there was more than just friendship going on?

“Yes, today, because I can’t move forward as long as I’m stuck in the past. I loved Gina. She was the first girl I ever loved, the first girl I ever...well, she was the first for a lot of things...”

“Please, spare me the details.” She slipped one shoulder free of his jacket and welcomed the chill. “I don’t need to know all this, Matt.” She didn’t want to know. He’d lied to her. From the first day they’d met. He’d deceived her.

The past hit her like a wave crashing against the back of her knees, threatening to drag her under, back to when she couldn’t breathe.

“But you do need to know,” Matt said. “Don’t you see, I signed them because of you. I want to see where things can go. With us.”

“You should have saved yourself the ink.” She looked down at her hands. How many nights had she spent wishing she could go back and stand up for herself, say what she felt, defend herself against those who had hurt her down to her very soul.

Never did she think she’d get another chance. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes. Never did she think she’d have to do so with Matt. “You know how hard it was for me to even let myself think about dating someone. How scared I was, but you promised we were worth the risk. I could have accepted you changing your mind about me. I expected it, honestly, but hearing now that you’ve been lying to me from the start? You’re married, Matt. Married.” For the first time in months, years, maybe her entire life, her thoughts and feelings were clear. And her heart hurt more than it ever had before. “I appreciate the faith you’ve put in me with this project—”

“You’re still going to help, aren’t you?” The hope that had disappeared from his face flared to life.

“Given I just gave my word in front of the entire town, I don’t exactly have a choice, do I?” Would that she could relive the last couple of hours. Working for BethAnn was preferable to working with a liar. “Of course I’ll do the work. But as far as moving forward with us?” She unwound his jacket and pushed it into his hands as she gave up more than she ever thought she’d have to. “I might not be the most confident of women—I may even be a coward, but I deserve respect, Matt. And I deserve to be with someone I can trust. I’m sorry, but hearing this, knowing you lied to me from the start? That person definitely isn’t you.”

CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_661eb904-b4c9-5dbc-9cb4-d276769a9db7)

WITH A FINAL sip of coffee and silent thanks for a rare weekend off, Lori ended her mile-long trek to Duskywing Farm Saturday morning on a sigh of relief. After a sleepless night, the fresh air and quiet of a Butterfly Harbor morning arrived with squawking seagulls and playful stereophonic ocean waves. It was the reset she needed, a reminder that wallowing wouldn’t do anyone—herself especially—any good.

Besides, nothing worked off a good mad better than a long walk.

She’d staged her own rebellion last night after getting home and hadn’t touched the boxes of invitations—something she’d probably regret at some point. She was used to manipulative people, used to the snark and passive-aggressive machinations, but this time had been one time too many. One BethAnn smirk too many. Lori had taken a stand and, for once, done something unexpected.

And it felt great.

Her time, her abilities weren’t any less valuable than anyone else’s. Why did she continue to spend her life worrying about what other people thought about her? Abby was right. There was more to her than numbers on a scale. There always had been. Time to start acting like it.

That she’d started by ending any potential romantic involvement with Matt Knight before it had ever really gotten started seemed a tad overkill.

She should have known allowing herself to dwell on all those romantic ideas she’d never let herself entertain would come back and bite her. Besides, if things had gotten serious with Matt, she had her own confessions she’d have had to make about what the future did—or in her case didn’t—hold in store. So maybe this entire situation was a blessing in disguise.

Maybe she just needed the reminder that she would be okay on her own.

She had her friends, her family, a new niece and, knowing Fletcher’s desire for a big family, there would be more kids for him and Paige in the future.

She should feel relieved that Matt was officially out of her life—and she would be if she didn’t have to deal with the whole beautification project. Story of her life. She’d finally taken a chance on something, grabbed hold of what she really wanted and in so doing exploded another part of her life.

She’d needed a reality check. She’d needed to get her head out of the clouds. She needed to remember that reality had crashed over her the summer she’d turned ten. Had continued to crash for years after.

With parents who had blamed rather than comforted, criticized instead of encouraged, the child Lori had been disappeared the day her little brother had died; whoever she’d been meant to be had been washed out to sea along with Colin, leaving a shell of a little girl desperate for someone to cling to; to grieve with. And when Fletcher and her grandfather hadn’t been enough, or when she couldn’t bear to cry one more tear, she’d turned to the one comfort that would never let her down.