Mistletoe, Midwife...Miracle Baby

‘I have to tell you, Ellen, that a pregnancy could kill you,’ he’d warned. ‘The extra demands on your heart and circulatory system will make the condition much worse. I have to recommend that you think about being sterilised. The Pill is contraindicated in women with your condition, so it’s the only sure way of preventing a pregnancy.’

The words on top of her diagnosis had crushed her. All her life she’d longed for a family. A real family where there was love and approval and laughter. Could she bear to work as a midwife again, knowing that she would never hold her own baby in her arms? She didn’t know. All she could think of at the moment was the need to be with her grandmother. Like a wounded animal, she’d come looking to find shelter and comfort while she found a way to deal with the terror that filled her life.

Ellen forced herself back to the present. ‘Mum will never change, Gran. We both know that.’

‘Aye, but I can’t help hoping that one day she’ll realise what a wonderful daughter she has in you and how much she’s missing out on.’ Maggie sighed and touched Ellen on the shoulder. ‘Maybe I’m hoping for a miracle.’

Ellen took Maggie’s hand and squeezed it. ‘It’s okay, Gran. I accepted Mum’s career would always come first a long time ago. But she’s still my mother and I love her, whatever her faults. And anyway, I’ve got you. You’ve always been around for me.’

The two women shared a smile.

Ellen changed the subject. ‘But tell me about you. How’s the hip?’ Her grandmother’s joints had been giving her trouble, but so far she had refused point blank to go to the doctor. She had told Ellen that a few aches and pains were only to be expected, given her age.

Maggie dismissed her question with a shake of her head. ‘With Sean here to do the heavy stuff, I manage fine.’

Ellen suppressed a smile. Good old Gran. Never one to complain. Being with her was exactly what she needed right now.

‘When did he come back? Why didn’t you tell me he was here? All you said was that he was renovating his family home. You might have told me he was living in the gatehouse, and planning to stay.’

Maggie buttered a scone and placed it in front of Ellen. ‘And if I’d told you, would you have come?’

The soft words stopped Ellen in mid-bite.

‘What do you mean?’ Ellen concentrated on her tea, avoiding her grandmother’s searching look.

‘Because over the last eight years, if I mentioned Sean was here on holiday, you’d suddenly change your mind about coming to stay. You may have thought you were subtle about it but, well, you weren’t. I know how you felt about him when you were younger, Ellen. You were never very good at hiding your feelings. At least not from me.’

Ellen’s cheeks were burning. Had her feelings really been so obvious?

‘I did have a crush on him but that was a long time ago,’ Ellen retorted. ‘I’m a different person now and so, I imagine, is he.’

‘Well, that’s a shame. I think you two would make a lovely couple. That man needs someone to settle him down.’

‘He must have a girlfriend, surely?’ Ellen tried to ignore the surge of pleasure she felt at the realisation that Sean wasn’t married.

‘Oh, he’s had women. Plenty of them as far as I can tell. But none that seem to last.’

Gran looked at Ellen, a small smile playing on her lips. ‘And your crush on Sean has nothing to do with the fact you’ve never had a serious relationship?’

‘I’ve never had a serious relationship, Gran, because I’ve not met the right person yet. Besides, my work keeps me busy. I have friends, my hobbies, a whole life that I love …’ She tailed off as it hit her again that she didn’t know for how much longer she would have any of it. Whether Sean was in a relationship or not was immaterial, she wasn’t exactly in the market for a long-term relationship. A lump was forming in her throat and she swallowed hard. ‘So how long has Sean been here?’

‘For someone who’s not very interested, you sure ask a lot of questions!’ Maggie said with a smile of satisfaction. ‘Sean came back a few months ago. Took a post at the Royal Highland in the city. Said he wants to make his home here so he can be close to his beloved mountains. He’s the doctor with the Mountain Rescue Team, you know.’ Maggie sounded as proud as she would have been had Sean been her grandchild too.

Ellen hadn’t known that Sean was working here. Although she had thought about Sean a lot since that summer eight years ago when he had kissed her, she’d never expected to see him again. In fact, as her Gran had guessed, she’d done her best to avoid him. It all seemed so silly now.

Just then the door opened with a gust of wind and Sean strode in to the kitchen. He indicated to Maggie to stay sitting and walked over to the range and helped himself to a cup of tea before grabbing a scone from the table and wolfing it down in two bites. He was clearly at home here.

‘I’ve stacked the logs under cover and brought in a couple of baskets. Just give me a shout when you need more, Maggie.’

He eased his tall frame into a chair by the stove and eyed Ellen thoughtfully. ‘I hear you’re working as a midwife in London,’ he said.

‘I was. I mean I am. I’m taking a bit of a break for a few months.’

Sean frowned at her. ‘A break? For a few months? Why?’

It was a perfectly reasonable question. Just one she didn’t want to answer.

‘Personal reasons,’ she said tightly. She didn’t owe this man any explanations.

Getting to her feet, she forced a smile. ‘If you don’t mind, Gran, I think I’ll go upstairs and unpack. I’ll bring in the rest of my bags later. I didn’t want to risk not being able to get the car back out of the drive.’

Sean was on his feet almost before she’d finished speaking. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll do that for you. Can’t have you lying around in the snow again.’

He cocked an eyebrow at her and the glint in his eye sent more shock waves through her body. Damn. Was her body going to behave like this every time she was near him?

‘Would you? I’d appreciate that. It’s been a long day.’ A wave of tiredness washed over her and she swayed slightly. Almost without seeing him move, she felt a steadying hand at her elbow. She looked up to find quizzical blue eyes staring intently into hers.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Cool fingers were surreptitiously feeling the pulse at her wrist. He frowned and glanced at Maggie, but she had turned away to stack the dishes in the sink. ‘Pulse is fine.’ His hand moved to her forehead. ‘No temperature, but you are pale.’

‘Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t sort out,’ Ellen said brusquely.

Sean looked unconvinced but let his hands drop to his sides. ‘You’re probably right. I’ll look in on you later.’

It was the last thing she wanted. She had the uneasy feeling nothing much escaped him, and she was far away from letting anyone know her secret. Not when she could barely acknowledge the truth to herself.

She forced another smile, hoping that this one would be more successful. ‘Honestly. There is no need. Thank you anyway. Am I in my old room, Gran?’

‘Yes, darling. I aired the bed for you and put on a fire so you should be cosy enough.’

‘I’ll make us supper when I’ve had a rest,’ Ellen promised, and on legs that felt as if they were filled with liquid rather than bones, she left the room.

‘I’d better be going too, Maggie. I’ll reverse Ellen’s car down and bring in her bags first, though.’

‘What would I do without you, Sean?’

‘You’d manage fine. They don’t make them as tough as you any more. And now you have Ellen for company.’

Sean saw a flicker of worry in Maggie’s eyes. It wasn’t there for long, but it was enough. There was something going on here that wasn’t quite right.

‘Is Ellen okay? She looks … different … somehow,’ he asked.

‘It’s a long time since you saw her, Sean. What? Seven years?’

‘Eight.’

Not that he’d been counting. Ellen had been the pesky kid from next door who had hung around with him and his pals despite their best attempts to shake her. But, boy, she had changed. Eight years ago she had been all bones, an impish smile and red mop of wayward hair. She’d also had a disconcerting habit of getting into difficulty. If he remembered right, that last summer he’d had to fish her out of a pub when she’d got involved with some less than salubrious locals. And—the memories came thick and fast—ten years before that he’d had to jump into a stream to pull her out when she’d decided to try and mimic him and his friends as they’d used a rope to swing from one side to another. He’d had no idea she’d been following them. An hour earlier she’d been furious when he’d ordered her home and unbeknownst to him had followed at a distance. The memory made him smile. She’d been impossible, but he’d always secretly admired her courage and gumption.

But she had changed. Somewhere along the way she had become almost unrecognisable. Her prettiness had turned into an almost ethereal beauty. She was so pale her skin was almost translucent, and she was so slight, it seemed as if a strong blizzard would blow her away. It wasn’t just that, though. There was no light in her eyes, no spark of mischief, no smile, no look as if she were about to dissolve in a fit of giggles. And apart from that, she’d seemed almost cool towards him. He was only too aware of the crush she’d had on him; their last meeting eight years ago had left him in no doubt of that. Of course he wouldn’t expect her still to have feelings, but this nothingness? It wasn’t what he’d expected either.