Relative Sins

‘We’ll see,’ she managed at last, as if there were all the time in the world to decide—and with that Ben had to be content. But he fussed about her as she was changing, evidently eager to resume his budding friendship with his uncle.

Using the tray as an excuse, Sara chose to use the back stairs to reach the kitchen, with Ben fretting at her heels. With a bit of luck Alex would have got tired of waiting and departed. She remembered Harry telling her that his brother was keen on horses, though these days he was seldom at home.

Which reminded her of something Alex had said the day before, and which until now had remained dormant. He’d said he’d bought Ragdale! What was she supposed to think of that?

As she had expected, there was no sign of Alex in the kitchen, and when Ben demanded to know where he’d gone Mrs Fraser couldn’t tell him. ‘He may have gone over to the Erskines’,’ she said thoughtfully. And to Sara she added, ‘He sometimes goes for a swim in their pool. Mrs Erskine—she’s always glad of the company. That husband of hers works every hour God sends.’

Ben’s face dropped. ‘But he was going to take me for a ride,’ he protested loudly, tears again not far from being shed. He turned to his mother as if it was her fault—which, strictly speaking, Sara supposed it was—and sniffed dejectedly. ‘Now what am I going to do? You should have let me go.’

Mrs Fraser arched an enquiring brow, but Sara was beginning to feel besieged and she had no intention of explaining herself to the housekeeper. ‘Come along,’ she said. ‘You haven’t said good morning to your grandmother. Is she in the morning room, Mrs Fraser?’

‘No, Mrs Reed. She’s not up yet, I’m afraid. These days Mrs Elizabeth tends to take things more easily. She’s almost sixty, you know, though she wouldn’t like me to say so.’

Almost sixty! Of course; Sara supposed she must be. Yet when she had first come here Harry’s mother had seemed so much younger than fifty-four. But time, and Harry’s death, had to have taken their toll of his parents as much as anyone, and she decided that she must try to be more charitable when dealing with her mother-in-law.

Ben hunched his shoulders. ‘I’d have liked to go swimming too,’ he muttered, drawn again to his own grievances. ‘Where do the Erskines live?’ He looked up at his mother. ‘Couldn’t we go and find him? I bet he wouldn’t mind. He said he wished he had had a boy like me.’

Sara’s mouth dried at these words, but it was easier to address his earlier complaint. ‘I don’t think Mrs Erskine would be terribly pleased to see us, Ben,’ she declared crisply. And, at Mrs Fraser’s questioning look, she went on, ‘She doesn’t have any children of her own, does she?’

‘Did Alex tell you that?’ Mrs Fraser folded her arms, as she was inclined to do when she had some pearl of wisdom to impart. ‘No, the Erskines don’t have any family. But I hear it was a definite decision on their part.’

Sara’s lips parted. The temptation to ask what the other woman meant by that remark was appealing, but she had no wish for her curiosity to be passed on. She could just imagine Elizabeth Reed’s indignation if she learned that her daughter-in-law had been gossiping with the servants, and although Mrs Fraser was trustworthy her opinions weren’t always discreet.

‘Oh, well,’ Sara said now, grasping Ben’s hand firmly and heading towards the hall door. ‘We’ll just have to go shopping, as I suggested. Are there any buses to Newcastle, Mrs Fraser?’

‘There are.’ But Mrs Fraser looked doubtful about this. ‘Perhaps you should see what Mrs Elizabeth says. I don’t think she’d expect you to use the buses. If you’re set on going shopping, someone should take you in the car.’

‘I can drive, Mrs Fraser.’ Sara was trying hard not to feel resentful. Was she really expected to clear all her movements with Harry’s mother? She could feel her bid for independence slipping away. ‘Perhaps I could borrow a car instead?’

Mrs Fraser was looking increasingly anxious, and, realising that she couldn’t expect any satisfaction from this source, Sara made some remark about going to find Mr Reed and left the room. Surely Robert Reed didn’t stay in bed until mid-morning? Harry had told her that even though he was semi-retired Robert played an active role in the administration of the estate.

She was crossing the hall and reminding herself that she must remember to wear a sweater over her shirt when the front door opened. Ben’s accompanying tirade was immediately cut off as the object of his recriminations came casually into the house. Still wearing the black jeans and leather jacket that he had worn to her room earlier, Alex brought with him the sharp air of the morning and a not unpleasant scent of the outdoors.

‘Uncle Alex, Uncle Alex!’ Dragging his hand out of his mother’s grasp, Ben darted to meet him, looking up at the man delightedly, as if he were some kind of god. It was obvious that the boy was missing his father, but did he have to treat Alex so affectionately? wondered Sara with a sense of gloom. It made her feel like the wicked stepmother in some silly Victorian melodrama.

‘Now, then.’ Alex greeted his nephew with an equal amount of affection, swinging the child up into his arms and grinning into his excited face. ‘Does this mean we can go riding? Have you got your mother’s permission at last?’

‘No, he hasn’t,’ said Sara tersely, the sight of the boy and man together doing unpleasant things to her insides. ‘I—Ben and I are going shopping. We need warmer clothes than those we’ve got at present.’

Ben’s cry of outrage only narrowly missed being echoed by his uncle. ‘Shopping?’ he exclaimed. ‘Can’t you go shopping tomorrow? It’s a beautiful morning. It’s a shame to waste it going into town.’

Sara’s lips tightened. ‘Nevertheless—’

‘Nevertheless—what?’ Alex’s expression had hardened somewhat. ‘Is it really necessary to punish the child because you’re angry with me? I’ve said we need to talk, and I mean it. So don’t make me say something now we’ll both regret.’ He paused. ‘I’ll ask again; may I take Ben out for an hour or so this morning? I’m sure you can find other things to do.’

Sara’s resentment was crippling, but there was no mistaking the threat in Alex’s voice. She didn’t know exactly what he meant—what he knew—but she couldn’t risk him saying anything controversial in front of her son. ‘I…Oh, very well.’ She gave in ungraciously. ‘But I shall hold you personally responsible for his safety; is that understood?’

‘Of course.’ Alex’s dark eyes were vaguely sardonic.

‘And…and how come you’ve got a pony for him to ride? I thought your father only bred hunters.’

‘He does.’ Alex set Ben on his feet and then regarded her steadily. ‘We’re boarding it while the bailiff’s son and his family are away. Don’t worry. I’ll see Ben comes to no harm. He is the parents’ only grandchild, after all.’

Sara turned away. She didn’t need a reminder that, for all that she had longed desperately for another child, there had been no more pregnancies after Ben. Not that Harry had ever reproached her, she remembered. On the contrary, he had always assured her that he was content with the child they had. But then, Harry had always been there for her, in whatever way she needed him…

‘He’ll need to wear something warm.’

Alex’s voice followed her as she moved across the polished floor, and she glanced round, beckoning Ben to come to her side. ‘He doesn’t have a hat,’ she said, her voice clipped and flat. ‘I thought that was essential before you got on a horse.’

‘It’s a pony, Mum!’ exclaimed Ben, but Alex’s reply overrode him.

‘He can borrow Robin’s. I’m pretty sure it will fit. Robin’s only eight, you see. And rather small at that.’

‘Come on, Mum!’

Ben’s impatience was showing, and despite her reluctance she allowed him to tug her towards the stairs. ‘You—you will look after him, won’t you?’ she demanded at last. She twisted her hands together. ‘He’s never been on a horse before. Harry—Harry was never very interested in—in animals.’

‘I know.’ Alex’s eyes were guarded. ‘He was my brother for twenty-eight years before he was your husband. I knew everything there was to know about him. Including his weaknesses…but I don’t suppose you want to hear about them.’