The Doctor's Diamond Proposal

A great wave of horror seemed suspended above his head, just waiting to crash down on him. ‘This was...’ He couldn’t even say it. His finger twitched, gesturing towards her right leg.

‘Yes. My right foot and the lower part of my leg were completely crushed. The only way I’d ever be able to walk again, or be pain free, was for them to amputate below the knee.’

The full horror of it washed over him in a suffocating wall of guilt and remorse. ‘Alex... I’m so sorry. If I’d known...’

‘You couldn’t have known.’

All he could think about was the trail of small events which had ended in this one great one. If he’d only done just one thing differently...

‘I should have seen you home.’ He remembered that he’d offered and that she’d told him no. If only he’d insisted. If they’d even just argued about it, and she’d missed her bus and had to wait for the next one...

‘What would you have done? There were witnesses and they said that the car swerved right across the road and hit me. There was no getting out of the way.’

‘I might have helped...somehow.’ Anyhow. If all he could have done was just hold her hand, then he would have done it with every ounce of his strength. But he hadn’t been there for Alex, and then six months later he hadn’t been there for his brother either. The thought seemed to be literally eating at him, taking great chunks of his flesh and leaving him quivering with shock.

Her gaze searched his face. ‘You would have put me back together again? That was beyond anyone.’

He couldn’t answer. Didn’t have words to tell her how sorry he was—for all she’d been through, and for his part in it.

‘Do me a favour, eh?’ Her voice was soft and he felt her fingers brush his arm. Clawing him back from the memories that swirled in his head.

‘Yeah?’ Anything.

‘I’ve given up on the what if because the past can’t be changed. I prefer to concentrate on what is.’ She shot him an imploring look. ‘Please...’

It was an effort to smile, but if Alex could do it so could he. ‘You’ve got it.’

There was one thing he could do. The only thing that made him feel any better about having let his brother down were the people he could help now. Leo guarded that role jealously, never letting anyone else get in the way, and no one ever asked about the call-backs that he made after each show. But Alex had.

He slid the manila envelope across the seat towards her.

‘What’s this?’ She touched it lightly with her fingers, seeming to know that it was something important.

‘It’s the list of people who didn’t get through to the show. Names, numbers and I ask the call-handlers to find out whether they would like a return call if they don’t get through.’

‘And you were going to tell me about this?’ She narrowed her eyes.

‘I don’t usually volunteer the information. But you did ask.’ The envelope lay between them, Alex’s fingers at one end of it and his at the other. As if neither of them could quite bring themselves to let go.

‘So...when were you thinking of calling back?’

‘The call-handlers have told everyone that it’ll be tomorrow, late afternoon. I have a surgery in the morning but I’m usually finished by about three o’clock.’

She nodded. ‘If you want a hand... Actually, I think I’m going to insist on helping.’

He felt his lips curl into a smile. ‘You’re free tomorrow afternoon?’

‘Yes. I usually work Wednesday to Friday at the hospital, but I’m taking some time off over the next few weeks. I can be available any time.’

He was suddenly almost breathless. It was as if they were making a tryst. More than that, because this would require his full attention.

‘You’ll be at your office? I can come to you, and we’ll go through the list together.’

‘That sounds good. Although you might like to bring a scarf. The heating’s on the blink again.’

‘Sounds delightful. I’ll be there at about half past three.’ He pushed the envelope another inch towards her. There was a copy back at the radio station, but it still felt difficult to give it up. ‘You take this. But don’t call anyone until I get there...’

She grinned, stowing the envelope in her bag. ‘I imagine they’ve been told that they’ll be hearing from you, not me. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.’

Before he got the chance to change his mind, the car drew up outside a block of solidly built flats, set back from the road behind a curving drive. Leo made to get out and she laid her hand on his arm.

‘I think I can make it on my own.’

She knew just what he’d been thinking, and Leo jumped guiltily. He’d made the promise, but it still wasn’t easy to stop thinking about all the things that might happen to her in between here and her front door. ‘I dare say you can. But...’

Alex chuckled. ‘I know. A gentleman always sees a lady to her door.’ She got out of the car, bending down before closing the door. ‘I’m no lady. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Leo begged to disagree. He watched her as she smiled at the driver, giving him a wave and a nod of thanks. She was every inch a lady.

‘Wait...’ The instruction was unnecessary, as their driver seemed as unwilling to go before Alex was safely inside as he was. She opened the main door and then turned, flapping her hand as if to shoo them away, and, without any reference to him at all, the car pulled out onto the road.

* * *

Leo kicked the door closed behind him. The car had retraced its route, driving back into town to the flat that he kept for weekdays, ten minutes’ walk from the radio station.

The flat was quiet and dark, shadows slanting across the floor. He fixed himself a drink and, without taking his coat off, slid back the large windows and walked out onto the roof terrace, set seventeen floors above the ground and commanding a view across practically the whole of London. Alex was out there somewhere. One of the lights shimmering in the distance was hers.

He moved closer to the glass barriers which stood at the perimeter of the terrace and a gust of chilly air hit him full in the face. Leo shivered. He had no right to wonder what she was doing, or to wish that he could be doing it with her.

Leo Cross. Never there when you needed him.

He hadn’t been there for Alex. To the extent that he hadn’t even known that she’d needed him. But he’d known that his brother needed him. He’d known that Joel was under stress, that his first job after university hadn’t turned out quite the way he’d wanted it, but Joel had seemed a lot better, and promised Leo that he was handling it. Leo had returned from a weekend away to find that his brother hadn’t been handling it at all.

His father had been waiting for him, gently breaking the news that they’d lost Joel. An overdose of prescription drugs. Maybe it had been a mistake.

Leo had doubted that. Joel was his twin, and he knew him almost better than he knew himself. And when he’d finally been able to get a couple of moments alone he’d found the missed calls on his phone. Joel had called him on that Saturday evening.

The brothers used to joke about missed calls. Once meant: I’ll catch you later. Twice: Call me back. Three times: Call me back now. The five missed calls on Leo’s phone had spoken to him loud and clear. I’m in trouble. I need you, Leo...

He pulled his phone from his pocket, scanning it. There was a text from his mother, saying she’d heard the show tonight, and automatically he hit speed dial.

‘Hi, Mum...’ Leo smiled into the phone, knowing that even if it was forced, the smile would sound in his voice. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Oh, darling! Exhausted. I went shopping with Marjorie today...’

‘Yeah? Find anything nice?’

‘Of course we did. You know Marjorie. I heard the programme tonight.’