Crazy in Love at the Lonely Hearts Bookshop

She even shut the door so Nina couldn’t eavesdrop on her and Verity, which meant they were sure to be talking about her. She glanced around the main room of the shop then craned her neck to see what was going on in the anterooms on her right and her left. The browsers had thinned out. The shop was almost empty again. Just like the old days when they’d been Bookends and the only thing stopping them from closing down was the fact that Lavinia had a private income to keep the shop afloat. Nina sighed.

Back then, she had half-expected to be made redundant. And now, if these last few weeks of not many customers in the shop was the new normal or the new old normal, was she going to live in fear of losing her job again? She’d been the last member of staff to be taken on, after all, and everyone knew that the last one through the door was the first to pick up their P45 when cuts were being made. Even though Verity refused to serve any customers, she was the only staff member who knew how the stock system worked. And Posy had been left the shop by Lavinia because she was practically family (her father had been the shop manager and her mother had run the tearooms until they’d been killed in a motorway crash), and anyway, she could hardly sack herself.

Tom was only part-time and refused to wear the official Happy Ever After staff T-shirt, but he had a way with their older customer base that defied belief. Also, Nina could imagine that if Posy did fire him, Tom would just tell Posy very crossly that he wasn’t fired and that would be the end of it.

Before she’d come to work at Bookends, Nina had as much success in keeping her jobs as she did in keeping her boyfriends. Both employment and relationships usually lasted between three days and three months. She’d been let go from pretty much every position she’d ever had for a variety of reasons ranging from poor timekeeping and a bad attitude to daydreaming. But it wasn’t really Nina’s fault – she’d become so bored with her old profession. She’d been on her feet all day, the chemicals had played havoc with her manicure and she got into trouble if she didn’t convince her customers to buy overpriced products that they didn’t really need.

Then that miraculous moment, three years ago, when Nina had bumped into Lavinia at a David Bowie exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum. It had been a hot July day, Nina had been wearing a sleeveless fifties dress and had been staring at a display case featuring outfits from the Ziggy Stardust years, when someone had tapped her on the shoulder.

‘Excuse me, my dear,’ a very posh female voice had said. ‘Is that an Alice in Wonderland tattoo on your arm?’

Nina had turned round to see an elderly woman standing there, though there was nothing decrepit about the curious, warm look on her face.

‘It is,’ Nina had replied, holding her arm out so that the woman could get a better look at the intricate, inked artwork depicting the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, and the words weaving through it: ‘You’re mad, bonkers, completely off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret; all the best people are.’

They’d read out the quotation in unison, both of them laughing, and then Lavinia had introduced herself and asked Nina if she could tempt her to a pot of tea and a cake. She’d offered Nina a job at Bookends about ten minutes after that.

But Lavinia was gone and so was Bookends. It was a new era of Posy and Happy Ever After, and Posy had been so convinced that becoming a ‘one-stop shop for all your romantic fiction needs’ would bring in new customers in huge numbers, but what if Posy had been wrong?

‘Don’t mind me, I am just meant to be observing, but are you all right?’

‘You what?’

Nina’s doom-laden reverie was interrupted by Noah who’d felt moved enough to put down his iPad as he gazed at her with some concern. If only she could remember where she knew him from. ‘It’s just you’ve been standing there for the last six minutes and forty-three seconds without moving. Do you suffer from low blood sugar?’

‘Hardly! Not with the amount of cakes I eat,’ Nina said honestly. She shook her head and blinked. ‘I’m fine. Don’t stare at me like that. It’s weird.’

She was a fine one to talk. She was being very weird herself. Noah obviously thought so because he muttered to himself as he picked his iPad up again and made a note. Of course he did. Nina could just imagine what he was writing about her.

Nina is a terrible employee. She has no work ethic. She doesn’t even attempt to look busy when the shop’s quiet but stands there like she’s about to go into hypoglycaemic shock. Also, I think she was dribbling.

‘Enough of this!’ Nina said, though she wasn’t sure if she was talking to Noah or putting herself on a warning. Either way, she needed to do some work. Or else, look like she was doing some work. The bell above the door tinkled as a couple of people came into the shop.

‘Hello! Welcome to Happy Ever After. Just ask if you need any help,’ Nina called out as she so often did and not just because she was being steadily and creepily observed.

Thankfully, there was a constant flow of customers for the rest of the afternoon and Nina didn’t have to pretend to look busy. She was run ragged dealing with one woman who stayed for over an hour because she was in the mood for ‘a multi-book series set in a country house a bit like The Cazalet Chronicles’ but had read everything that Nina pulled from the shelves. Or if she hadn’t read them, then she didn’t like the look of them.

In the end, Nina persuaded her to reread The Cazalet Chronicles and sent her off with all five books, as the woman had lent her copies to her sister-in-law who she hadn’t spoken to for eighteen months, since they’d had words at a family christening about some Tupperware that hadn’t been washed and returned after a barbecue.

In between it was the usual routine of ringing up and bagging books, sharing recommendations and asking customers to leave their email addresses so they could be added to the Happy Ever After mailing list and get sent a monthly newsletter. (Though that was something else that everyone had been very excited about pre-relaunch and still hadn’t happened post-relaunch.)

All the while, Nina was aware of Noah, always in her eyeline. Lurking. Making notes. Not being the least bit helpful even though he could see that she was rushed off her feet, and would it kill him to put down his sodding iPad and slot a complimentary bookmark into a book, put the book in a bag and hand it to its new owner?

But, apart from dropping the f-bomb when she had to put in a new till roll (always a tricky manoeuvre), Nina had been an exemplary member of the Happy Ever After team.

Not that Noah said anything to Posy when she finally emerged from the office. He just said, ‘Well, I’ll be off, then. See you tomorrow.’

Then he couldn’t leave the shop quick enough, probably so he could collate his gazillion notes on Nina’s lacklustre work ethic. Nina waited for the door to shut behind him, then rounded on Posy. ‘Three times I asked you to help me on the till! Three times! Have you any idea how busy it’s been this afternoon?’

Posy put her hands up as if she could hold back Nina’s wrath. ‘Don’t, Nina,’ she said plaintively. ‘Very and I were going through the accounts. If I’d paused then I’d never have been able to find my place again. It will be better tomorrow. Tom said that he’s finished with his footnotes emergency and he’ll be in.’

Nina would also be having words with Tom tomorrow for abandoning her for what sounded like the flimsiest excuse ever. Just wait until he found out about Noah. Talking of which!

‘And as for that Noah! I won’t have it any more, Posy! He is literally stalking me with my employer’s permission …’

‘Come on! He’s hardly doing that.’ Posy patted Nina on the arm in what was meant to be a placating manner but simply annoyed Nina even more.

‘He is. I can’t even catch a breath without him making a note of it. I shouldn’t have to put up with this.’ Nina was on a roll now. ‘I have rights! Workers’ rights!’

‘Actually you don’t,’ said a haughty voice from the door. It was Sebastian Thorndyke, of course it was, because he always popped up when Posy was in trouble, as if he had a sixth sense that let him know when his beloved was under attack.

Nina whirled around to jab her finger at Sebastian. Normally she had a lot of time for Sebastian because he understood that passion and drama were the foundations of true love, and also he made Posy wildly happy, but today she had no time for him at all. ‘I do have rights,’ she insisted. ‘Any employment tribunal would tell you exactly the same.’

‘Oh my God, no one’s talking about employment tribunals,’ Posy said desperately. ‘Honestly, Nina, you’re completely overreacting about this.’

‘Overreacting or reacting just enough?’ Nina demanded. ‘How can you let that Noah invade my privacy with his electronic spy pad? I bet it’s against the Data Protection Act too. Like I said, I have rights.’

‘It’s all right, Morland, I’ve got this,’ Sebastian said, which was the other thing that really annoyed Nina – when he acted as if Posy was helpless without him, which she wasn’t. ‘Like I said, you don’t have that many rights because the other thing you don’t have is a contract of employment.’

Nina opened her mouth but all that came out was a shocked gasp because Sebastian, God damn him, was right. Lavinia had been lovely, the best of all the bosses, but things like contracts and job descriptions hadn’t been too much of a priority for her.

At least that made things easier for everyone. Nina opened her mouth again to what? Was she about to quit in a fit of pique? Was she really that stupid? Then the injustice, the unfairness, the Noahness, of the current situation swept over her in a wave of fury. ‘Right, fine, then I qu—’

‘Shut. Up!’ Posy snapped, her eyes flashing, because unlike Nina, Posy was slow to get angry but once she did, it was best to stand well back, preferably behind some kind of protective barrier. Though why Posy was angry with Nina was one more unfair thing in a whole week of unfair things. ‘Just shut up, Sebastian! Talking of contracts, how I wish I hadn’t signed a marriage contract! Nina, Very: pub! That’s an order.’

‘But we haven’t done the cashing up,’ Verity pointed out timidly.

‘DON’T UNDERMINE MY AUTHORITY! WE ARE GOING TO THE PUB!’

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‘I’m not going to act the lady among you, for fear I should starve.’

Half an hour later, they were sitting in The Midnight Bell, an empty bottle of Shiraz and the debris of three bags of crisps on the table, as Posy reassured Nina for the umpteenth time, ‘Nobody is being dismissed, unless it’s my husband. Noah isn’t there to create problems; he’s there to give us solutions. OK?’

‘OK,’ Nina agreed, though she was still a little sulky, even after Posy had explained that since the relaunch, apart from a surge over Christmas, footfall was down, which meant that sales were down and they couldn’t make a profit on website orders alone. Nina had wanted to remind Posy of all the brilliant ideas they’d had to bring in more customers when they were planning the relaunch but Posy had a stress rash all over her neck so Nina decided it was best to leave it for the time being.

‘Honestly, being married is really hard work,’ Posy was now complaining. ‘Don’t get me wrong, like seventy-five per cent of the time, Sebastian is lovely and makes me feel lovely too but the other twenty-five per cent of the time, he’s an absolute pain in the arse. Also, I have hardly any time to read any more.’

Verity sighed long and low. ‘I know what you mean. I never thought that I could bear to have a full-time boyfriend …’

‘What about Peter Hardy, oceanographer?’ Nina interrupted. Peter Hardy who’d been Verity’s boyfriend before posh architect, Johnny.

Verity blushed as she always did when her ex was mentioned. ‘He was hardly full-time, what with him being away so much graphing oceans!’ She shook her head as if she could hardly bear to talk about him. ‘Anyway, as I was saying, I can’t believe that Johnny fits into my life with the ease that he does – you know how much I need my own space – but my reading time has really suffered.’

‘World’s smallest violin, ladies,’ Nina said, rubbing her thumb and forefinger together. ‘I thought we’d come to the pub to reassure me that I wasn’t about to be sacked, and then we’d order another bottle and bitch about Tom and it would be just like the old days before you two “settled down”, so will you stop banging on about your relationships?’

‘You say “settled down” the same way that someone else would say “venereal disease”,’ Verity noted with a small smile.