This Naked Mind

4. Liminal Point: Is Drinking a Habit? (#ulink_00894763-dc81-5396-bcc1-df0afa8da217)

5. You: Simply Naked (#ulink_f6f3344a-c820-5eb2-8434-5f8596f142ac)

6. Liminal Point: Are We Really Drinking For The Taste (#ulink_46bc2334-5d50-5d71-985f-451dcff73b73)

7. You: Polluted (#litres_trial_promo)

8. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Liquid Courage? (#litres_trial_promo)

9. Oh S#*%! We’re Stuck (#litres_trial_promo)

10. Liminal Point: Drinking Helps Me Loosen Up and Have Better Sex (#litres_trial_promo)

11. A Quest for Sobriety (#litres_trial_promo)

12. Liminal Point: I Drink to Relieve Stress and Anxiety (#litres_trial_promo)

13. The Mystery of Spontaneous Sobriety (#litres_trial_promo)

14. Liminal Point: I Enjoy Drinking; It Makes Me Happy (#litres_trial_promo)

15. Defining Addiction: Part 1 (#litres_trial_promo)

16. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Vital to Social Life? (#litres_trial_promo)

17. Defining Addiction: Part 2 (#litres_trial_promo)

18. Liminal Point: It’s Cultural. I Need to Drink to Fit In (#litres_trial_promo)

19. The Descent: Why Some Descend Faster Than Others (#litres_trial_promo)

20. Living a Naked Life in Our Society (#litres_trial_promo)

21. This Naked Mind (#litres_trial_promo)

22. The Secret to Happily and Easily Drinking Less (#litres_trial_promo)

23. The Journey: ‘Relapse’ (#litres_trial_promo)

24. Pay It Forward (#litres_trial_promo)

Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)

Endnotes (#litres_trial_promo)

Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

PREFACE (#ulink_69abe996-9e70-59af-9afe-0d8af7487a83)

3:33 a.m. I wake up at the same time every night. I briefly wonder if that is supposed to mean something. Probably not, probably just a coincidence. I know what’s coming, and I brace myself. The usual thoughts begin to surface. I try to piece the previous evening together, attempting to count my drinks. I count five glasses of wine, and then the memories grow fuzzy. I know I had a few more, but I’ve now lost count. I wonder how anyone can drink so much. I know I can’t go on like this. I start to worry about my health, beginning the well-trodden road of fear and recrimination: What were you thinking? Don’t you care about anything? Anyone? How will it feel if you end up with cancer? It will serve you right. What about the kids? Can’t you stop for the kids? Or Brian? They love you. There’s no good reason why, but they do. Why are you so weak? So stupid? If I can just make myself see the horror of how far I’ve fallen, maybe I can regain control. Next come the vows, my promises to myself to do things differently tomorrow. To fix this. Promises I never keep.

I’m awake for about an hour. Sometimes I cry. Other times I’m so disgusted that all I feel is anger. Lately I’ve been sneaking into the kitchen and drinking more. Just enough to shut down my brain, fall back asleep, and stop hurting.

These early mornings are the only time I’m honest with myself, admitting I drink too much and need to change. It’s the worst part of my day, and it’s always the same, night after night. The next day it’s as if I have amnesia. I turn back into a generally happy person. I can’t reconcile my misery, so I simply ignore it. If you ask me about drinking I’ll tell you I love it; it relaxes me and makes life fun. In fact, I’ll be shocked if you don’t drink with me. I will wonder, “Why on earth not?” During the day I feel in control. I am successful and busy. The outward signs of how much I drink are practically nonexistent. I am so busy that I don’t leave room for honesty, questioning, and broken promises. The evening comes, the drinking starts, and the cycle continues. I am no longer in control, and the only time I am brave enough to admit it (even to myself) is alone, in the dark, at three in the morning.

The implications of what it could mean are terrifying. What if I have a problem? What if I am an alcoholic? What if I am not normal? Most terrifying, what if I have to give up drinking? I worry that my pride will kill me because I have no intention of labeling myself. I am afraid of the shame and stigma. If my choice is to live a life of misery in diseased abstinence or drink myself to an early grave, I choose the latter. Horrifying but true.

What I know about getting help, I know from my brother who spent time in prison. Prison in the U.S. often involves Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meetings. He says you start every meeting admitting that you are an alcoholic, powerless against alcohol. He says they believe alcoholism is a fatal illness without a cure. And I personally know self-proclaimed alcoholics who, rather than finding peace, fight a daily battle for sobriety. It seems miserable in our culture to be sober. To live a life avoiding temptation. Recovering appears synonymous with accepting life as just OK and adjusting to a new reality of missing out.

The idea of recovering seems to give alcohol more power even, and, maybe especially, when I am abstaining from it. I want freedom. It’s now clear that alcohol is taking more from me than it’s giving. I want to make it small and irrelevant in my life rather than allowing it more power over me. I want change. I have to find another way. And I have.

I now have freedom. I am back in control and have regained my self-respect. I am not locked in a battle for sobriety. I drink as much as I want, whenever I want. The truth is I no longer want to drink. I see now that alcohol is addictive, and I had become addicted. Obvious, right? Not exactly. In fact, in today’s drinking society, it’s not obvious at all. Admitting that alcohol is a dangerous and addictive drug like nicotine, cocaine, or heroin has serious implications. So we confuse ourselves with all sorts of convoluted theories.

I’ve never been happier. I am having more fun than ever. It’s as if I have woken up from the Matrix and realized that alcohol was only dulling my senses and keeping me trapped rather than adding to my life. I know you may find this hard, if not impossible, to believe. That’s OK. But I can give you the same freedom, the same joy, and the same control over alcohol in your life. I can take you on the same journey—a journey of facts, neuroscience, and logic. A journey that empowers you rather than rendering you powerless. A journey that does not involve the pain of deprivation.

I can put you back in control by removing your desire to drink, but be forewarned, getting rid of your desire for alcohol is the easy part. The hard part is going against groupthink, the herd mentality of our alcohol-saturated culture. After all, alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking.

Experts imply that it takes months, even years, of hardship to stop drinking. A tough riddle can make you crazy, taking forever to solve. But if someone gives you the answer, solving the riddle becomes effortless. I hope this book will be the answer you are looking for.

I offer a perspective of education and enlightenment based on common sense and the most recent insights across psychology and neuroscience. A perspective that will empower and delight you, allowing you to forever change your relationship with alcohol. And remember, sometimes what you are searching for is in the journey rather than the destination.

All my best,

Annie Grace

INTRODUCTION (#ulink_97ad92c6-b362-5134-9eb2-c9c46d00dc2b)

“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea.” —C. JoyBell C.

What if, by reversing years of unconscious conditioning, you could return to the perspective of a non-drinker? Not a recovering (sober) alcoholic but a person with the same desire, need, and craving for alcohol as someone who has never picked up a bottle—a true nondrinker. Well, you can. By the end of this book, you will be free to weigh the pros and cons of drinking and determine alcohol’s role in your life without emotional or illogical cravings. You can remain happy about your choice because it will be yours alone, decided from a place of freedom rather than out of obligation or coercion. Your desire to drink will be gone, so no matter what you choose you won’t feel like you are missing out. You won’t be pining for a drink or avoiding social situations because of temptation. Without desire there exists no temptation. Importantly, you won’t have to label yourself as diseased or powerless.

This book will change your perception by showing you why you drink, both psychologically and neurologically. You may believe you already understand why you drink—to relieve stress, engage socially, or liven up a party. These are your rationalizations for drinking, but you actually drink for subtler and less conscious reasons. Understanding these reasons will put you back in control. It will end your confusion and eliminate your misery. But first, we must undo years—decades—of unconscious conditioning about alcohol.

And don’t beat yourself up for anything you have struggled with in the past (including unsuccessful attempts to quit). It’s counterproductive. There is a powerful misconception that people who can’t control their drinking are weak-willed. In my experience it’s often the strongest, smartest, and most successful people who drink more than they should. Drinking, or wanting to drink, does not make you weak. You may find it hard to believe, but an inability to control how much you drink is not a sign of weakness. So let’s stop any self-loathing right now.

You may find it impossible to believe drinking less won’t involve deprivation. The idea of drinking less fills you, as it did me, with dread. You worry that parties and social occasions will become tedious and difficult to attend. If you drink to relieve stress, the thought of losing the added support you believe alcohol provides can be terrifying. But it’s true. With this approach you can effortlessly drink less and feel happy about it. What a euphoric, life-changing experience! You’ll be excited to go out with friends, even to bars, knowing that not a drop of alcohol will cross your lips.

Does drinking less mean drinking nothing? Do you need to quit forever? That will be up to you. You will make your own decision based on information that empowers you, giving you back control rather than imposing rules on you. We will explore all aspects of the drinking cycle. Don’t worry about making a decision about how much or how often you will drink now. What is important in this moment is that you have hope. You need to know this approach can and will work—that you will be released from the clutches of alcohol.

Maybe you think I don’t grasp your situation, how dependent you’ve become on booze. Perhaps you’ve been drinking heavily for many years, and these claims seem absurd. That’s OK. Skepticism won’t impact the result.

No matter why you picked up this book, you’ll find nothing but great news here. If you read, critically consider, and absorb the information in these pages, you will be inspired to sever or cut back on your relationship with alcohol without feeling deprived. In fact, you’ll be happy, possibly euphoric, about your decision. You will feel in control and empowered to make conscious, logical, fact-based choices about the role alcohol will play in your life. I encourage you to read between one and two chapters a day, progressing with momentum, yet allowing sufficient time to absorb the content.

Don’t change your day-to-day routine, even if it includes drinking. You heard correctly—feel free to continue to drink while reading the book. This may seem counterintuitive, but you will see that it is important to the process. Of course, if you have already stopped drinking there is no reason to start, and I am absolutely not encouraging you to do so. What’s important is that you continue your regular routines so you don’t create stress and foster a sense of deprivation while trying to absorb this information. You will need to focus and critically consider what This Naked Mind presents to you. However, it is important, if possible, to read sober in order to fully grasp the material. And don’t skip ahead. The concepts build on themselves. This book will challenge you, so please be willing to open your mind and question long-held beliefs.

Finally, be hopeful. You are about to accomplish something incredible—regaining control. I know it hasn’t happened yet, but you can be excited about it now. So, throughout the book, do your best to maintain a positive state of mind. Change often occurs when the pain of the current situation becomes so great you become willing to change without fully understanding what the future holds. You probably imagine a life without alcohol as painful, even scary. This perception encourages you to put off change as long as possible. I will show you how altering your drinking habits will not cause pain, but instead allow you to enjoy your life more than you ever thought possible. With this approach, you are not clutching to the proverbial burning platform. You do not have to choose between the lesser of two evils (continuing to drink or living a life of deprivation). Rather, you will make the simple choice between your current state and a bright and exciting future. It’s OK, even encouraged, to allow yourself to feel hopeful. This book contains a revolutionary approach. It will change your life for the better.