Dan had been given the task of holding the big torch while Seb fed the fire and lit a cluster of scented candles so they could see where the cups of hot chocolate were.
It had seemed only natural for Seb to divert Dan with stories about the hot and dusty places he had visited and all of the exotic plants and birds that he had seen during the previous month in the North of Australia.
Tales of kangaroos and Koala bears and kookaburras and remote towns where people had to drive for hours before they saw another house or person.
Places where people needed computers and clever phones to keep in touch, and even go to school. Places where the software and communication systems that his company made came into their own.
An hour later Dan was cuddled against Milou and his mother on the couch, half asleep and yawning his head off, despite calls for more stories about the kangaroos.
Seb lowered Dan slowly onto his warm bed as Ella held back the quilt, and then tucked him in.
‘Doors, Mum. The doors.’
Dan’s eyes fluttered open and Seb turned away as Ella opened up the big wardrobe door and shone the powerful torch inside so Dan could see the neat shelves of clothes and toys.
And absolutely no monsters.
Ella bent over to kiss Dan, wish him goodnight, and stepped quietly onto the landing.
Just as Seb went to follow on, Milou tried to jump onto the bed, but was not quite up to it without Dan helping him up, so Seb did the honours instead, and as he did so Dan tugged at his sleeve. ‘Have you looked inside? Over there? Cause I can’t see over there. I don’t want to worry Mummy.’
Seb glared at the dark spot next to the cabinet, reached out and turned on the powerful torch from the car, grateful beyond measure that the batteries were new and unused.
The whole bedroom flooded with light and Dan peered out over the top of the bedcovers before snuggling down again with a sigh of contentment.
Seb popped the torch onto the bedside table. Just in case Dan needed it again.
Then without thinking or hesitating, he whispered, ‘Night, Dan. Sleep well.’
And a sweet child’s voice answered, ‘Night,
Seb.’
The living room was still cold despite the fire, which had started to ebb down, and Seb quickly tossed dry wood onto the burning embers.
‘I suppose power cuts are one of the downsides of living in a remote farmhouse. Some things clearly haven’t changed,’ he said in a positive voice, then looked around for Ella.
He was shocked to see a tearful, anxious little face staring back at him, her skin pale even in the warm amber glow from the fire.
Ella had wrapped an old patchwork quilt around her shoulders and was sitting hunched up with her knees to her chest, hugging the quilt tight around her body.
She looked cold, shivery and terrifyingly, achingly sad and empty. As though all of the joy had been drained out of her. When she spoke she asked him the most ridiculous question he had ever heard.
‘Am I a bad mother, Seb?’
He was so shocked that instead of answering he simply turned back to the fire to hide his own rush of emotions, stoking up the wood into bright flames.
Seb did not have to look at her. Her anguish was only too clear in her voice. The type of anguish that no bland denials and complacent phrases could eradicate.
‘I love Dan so much and want him to be happy,’ Ella continued in a low tremulous voice, ‘but maybe Christobal’s parents are right? Maybe I should move back to Barcelona? He will have a better education and money and… He would never have to worry about the lights going out in a storm and being scared again.’ She paused for a second before her voice faltered in a few halting words. ‘He was so frightened! I don’t want him to be scared. Not ever’
She was crying now, the tears running down her cheeks as she fought and lost the battle to hold back her fears and regrets.
Which was why Seb did the only thing he could do. He sat down next to her on the sofa and wrapped his arm around her shaking shoulders, gathering her close to his side so that she was cuddled all along the side of his body, cocooned inside the quilt.
The contrast between the Ella he was holding and the Ella who had been playing and laughing only a few hours earlier was so sharp that Seb took a moment to close his eyes and try and clear his head. He revelled in the glorious sensation of holding her in his arms, but immediately felt guilty for taking advantage of her sudden vulnerability.
His chin pressed onto the top of her hair and he hugged her closer, wrapping the quilt around her back, desperate to share his warmth with her. Her perfume was fainter now, mingled with the soft fragrance of lavender from the quilt and Ella’s own sweet scent. Unique, powerful and totally compelling. A scent that pulled him in so fiercely that he never wanted to let her go.
She snuggled closer. Just a tiny inch. And his heart soared in delight. It had been so long since he had been in such close physical contact that the gentle thump of her heartbeat inside the ribcage beneath his hands seemed magnified. Loud and fervent.
He did not do intimate. Ever. Yet here he was, holding this wonderful, amazing woman while a little boy slept above them. How had that happened?
They barely knew each other and yet he felt so connected. Perhaps it was this house? These four walls, now cast in deep shadows, which made the rest of his life suddenly come into sharp focus.
Or was he simply in the right place at the right time to offer her some comfort? Any port in a storm? No. It did not feel that way at all. This was real. And so was her concern.
Seb slowly pressed his cheek to her hair before speaking in a low and soft voice.
‘I’ve only been here for one whole day but I already know that Dan is a very, very lucky boy. You have given him so much more than any amount of money can buy. He’s a remarkable young man. You should be proud of your son…’ and at this point he lifted some strands of her hair behind her ear ‘.and what you have achieved.’
Seb slid slightly to one side and tilted her chin up towards him, only to find her looking up at him, her eyes focused on his in the flickering firelight, as though seeking the confirmation that the words were real and for her.
He raised his right hand and his palm cupped her chin as he gently wiped away the trace of a tear from her face with his thumb. Her skin was soft and her colour was already starting to return, bringing a flush of life to her cheeks.
‘You are a remarkable and wonderful mother, Ella. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any different. Okay?’
He looked into her eyes now, and felt her chest rise a little under the quilt.
Seb tried to ignore the overwhelming urge that swelled from deep within him to caress and protect her—an urge that was threatening to break down his resolve not to become even more connected to Ella.
Except at that moment Ella seemed to take his uncomfortable squirming as a signal that she could move to a better position so that she could argue with him, and made an effort to wriggle out of her quilt. He recalled the dress that she was wearing and decided that it would be better for both of them if she stayed wrapped inside her quilt, so he held her even tighter against his body until she conceded.
‘Okay,’ she whispered, and her mouth curved up at the sides into a timid smile that was so warm, trusting and caring that any shade of doubt he might have had was blown away in a fierce blast of red-hot attraction.
Only this time it was Ella who surprised him by wriggling her left arm free on top of the quilt and laying it on his chest as she snuggled closer into his shoulder and gave a gentle sigh. A sigh of contentment that hit him hard and hit him again as his own body responded to her touch.
His heart raced to match hers, the blood hot in his veins. The gentle pressure of the side of her face on his chest flicked on switches he’d thought were long burnt out. Switches connected to a tangled set of wires labelled with words like trust and caring and commitment.
Caring? His mind reeled at the very concept. This was impossible. Ridiculous! He could not be falling for this lovely woman he first met only yesterday. He just couldn’t! Could he?
What about the small matter of the fact that the worlds they inhabited were not only continents apart, but her world was based around Dan and the simple life in this house, whereas his…? He had renounced love and chosen the type of frenetic lifestyle where no second of the day was wasted in relaxation.
They might be breathing the same air, but apart from that they had so little in common it was crazy.
He glanced down at the gentle rise and fall of her chest against his in the warm glow from the now-hot fire. She was dozing. This beautiful, fragile, clever and funny woman was using him as a pillow.
And he absolutely adored it.