Plays by Anton Chekhov, Second Series

IRINA. You’ll stop and have lunch with us. Please do.

OLGA. Yes, please!

VERSHININ. [Bows] I seem to have dropped in on your name-day. Forgive me, I didn’t know, and I didn’t offer you my congratulations. [Goes with OLGA into the dining-room.]

KULIGIN. To-day is Sunday, the day of rest, so let us rest and rejoice, each in a manner compatible with his age and disposition. The carpets will have to be taken up for the summer and put away till the winter… Persian powder or naphthaline… The Romans were healthy because they knew both how to work and how to rest, they had mens sana in corpore sano. Their life ran along certain recognized patterns. Our director says: “The chief thing about each life is its pattern. Whoever loses his pattern is lost himself” – and it’s just the same in our daily life. [Takes MASHA by the waist, laughing] Masha loves me. My wife loves me. And you ought to put the window curtains away with the carpets… I’m feeling awfully pleased with life to-day. Masha, we’ve got to be at the director’s at four. They’re getting up a walk for the pedagogues and their families.

MASHA. I shan’t go.

KULIGIN. [Hurt] My dear Masha, why not?

MASHA. I’ll tell you later… [Angrily] All right, I’ll go, only please stand back… [Steps away.]

KULIGIN. And then we’re to spend the evening at the director’s. In spite of his ill-health that man tries, above everything else, to be sociable. A splendid, illuminating personality. A wonderful man. After yesterday’s committee he said to me: “I’m tired, Feodor Ilitch, I’m tired!” [Looks at the clock, then at his watch] Your clock is seven minutes fast. “Yes,” he said, “I’m tired.” [Violin played off.]

OLGA. Let’s go and have lunch! There’s to be a masterpiece of baking!

KULIGIN. Oh my dear Olga, my dear. Yesterday I was working till eleven o’clock at night, and got awfully tired. To-day I’m quite happy. [Goes into dining-room] My dear…

CHEBUTIKIN. [Puts his paper into his pocket, and combs his beard] A pie? Splendid!

MASHA. [Severely to CHEBUTIKIN] Only mind; you’re not to drink anything to-day. Do you hear? It’s bad for you.

CHEBUTIKIN. Oh, that’s all right. I haven’t been drunk for two years. And it’s all the same, anyway!

MASHA. You’re not to dare to drink, all the same. [Angrily, but so that her husband should not hear] Another dull evening at the Director’s, confound it!

TUZENBACH. I shouldn’t go if I were you… It’s quite simple.

CHEBUTIKIN. Don’t go.

MASHA. Yes, “don’t go…” It’s a cursed, unbearable life… [Goes into dining-room.]

CHEBUTIKIN. [Follows her] It’s not so bad.

SOLENI. [Going into the dining-room] There, there, there…

TUZENBACH. Vassili Vassilevitch, that’s enough. Be quiet!

SOLENI. There, there, there…

KULIGIN. [Gaily] Your health, Colonel! I’m a pedagogue and not quite at home here. I’m Masha’s husband… She’s a good sort, a very good sort.

VERSHININ. I’ll have some of this black vodka… [Drinks] Your health! [To OLGA] I’m very comfortable here!

[Only IRINA and TUZENBACH are now left in the sitting-room.]

IRINA. Masha’s out of sorts to-day. She married when she was eighteen, when he seemed to her the wisest of men. And now it’s different. He’s the kindest man, but not the wisest.

OLGA. [Impatiently] Andrey, when are you coming?

ANDREY. [Off] One minute. [Enters and goes to the table.]

TUZENBACH. What are you thinking about?

IRINA. I don’t like this Soleni of yours and I’m afraid of him. He only says silly things.

TUZENBACH. He’s a queer man. I’m sorry for him, though he vexes me. I think he’s shy. When there are just the two of us he’s quite all right and very good company; when other people are about he’s rough and hectoring. Don’t let’s go in, let them have their meal without us. Let me stay with you. What are you thinking of? [Pause] You’re twenty. I’m not yet thirty. How many years are there left to us, with their long, long lines of days, filled with my love for you…

IRINA. Nicolai Lvovitch, don’t speak to me of love.

TUZENBACH. [Does not hear] I’ve a great thirst for life, struggle, and work, and this thirst has united with my love for you, Irina, and you’re so beautiful, and life seems so beautiful to me! What are you thinking about?

IRINA. You say that life is beautiful. Yes, if only it seems so! The life of us three hasn’t been beautiful yet; it has been stifling us as if it was weeds… I’m crying. I oughtn’t… [Dries her tears, smiles] We must work, work. That is why we are unhappy and look at the world so sadly; we don’t know what work is. Our parents despised work…

[Enter NATALIA IVANOVA; she wears a pink dress and a green sash.]

NATASHA. They’re already at lunch… I’m late… [Carefully examines herself in a mirror, and puts herself straight] I think my hair’s done all right… [Sees IRINA] Dear Irina Sergeyevna, I congratulate you! [Kisses her firmly and at length] You’ve so many visitors, I’m really ashamed… How do you do, Baron!

OLGA. [Enters from dining-room] Here’s Natalia Ivanovna. How are you, dear! [They kiss.]

NATASHA. Happy returns. I’m awfully shy, you’ve so many people here.

OLGA. All our friends. [Frightened, in an undertone] You’re wearing a green sash! My dear, you shouldn’t!

NATASHA. Is it a sign of anything?

OLGA. No, it simply doesn’t go well… and it looks so queer.

NATASHA. [In a tearful voice] Yes? But it isn’t really green, it’s too dull for that. [Goes into dining-room with OLGA.]

[They have all sat down to lunch in the dining-room, the sitting-room is empty.]

KULIGIN. I wish you a nice fiancée, Irina. It’s quite time you married.

CHEBUTIKIN. Natalia Ivanovna, I wish you the same.

KULIGIN. Natalia Ivanovna has a fiancé already.

MASHA. [Raps with her fork on a plate] Let’s all get drunk and make life purple for once!

KULIGIN. You’ve lost three good conduct marks.

VERSHININ. This is a nice drink. What’s it made of?

SOLENI. Blackbeetles.

IRINA. [Tearfully] Phoo! How disgusting!