Tuk-Tuk to the Road

Anyway, I hope it is a sunny day tomorrow so that I can take off all my clothes and indulge my naturist tendencies in the back garden.

Monday 15 May, Kelling, Norfolk, UK

In need of a holiday

Could things get any more hectic, I wonder? With five days to go until we finally leave for Bangkok, Jo and I are running round like headless ferrets. This morning we’ve been getting together the final things for our launch party on Wednesday: organising the sound-checks with Santi, the sound engineer, talking to the singers and bands, finalising the guest list. Then there’s the Skype press launch to consider and the horrific thought of having to stand up in front of people and talk about what we are doing. I guess we had better get used to it.

Quite apart from the launch party, there’s equipment to be ordered and bought, insurance of the satellite modem to sort out, embassies to be written to, travellers’ cheques to be ordered. And to top it all, I’ve had a temperature for two days and have been lying in bed feeling utterly rubbish. Good timing, immune system!

With Mind Week and Lift Off just around the corner, it seems that the press are suddenly interested. Hannah, our PR guru at Skype, has been doing sterling work and it looks like our press launch on Wednesday might even have a few people there. Even the Sun is doing a piece (no, not Page 3, although I’m sure Jo would happily agree to any removal-of-clothing requests) in its health section, and Radio 5 Live apparently wants to do a series of interviews with us via Skype once we hit the road.

I hit Norwich yesterday in a bid to equip ourselves…and came back with tripods, digital cameras, a pink mobile phone, a cushty hoodie and some combat trousers. So lots more technology to get to grips with. Norfolk is looking so beautiful and verdant at the moment. I’m loath to leave. The cuckoo is out, the meadows are lush and the sky seems to get bluer by the day. It feels like the calm before the storm. In a weeks’ time, Jo and I will be in the maelstrom that is Bangkok—a hooting, sweating, filthy mêlée of people and traffic. Norfolk will seem a million miles away.

Back to bed now for more echinacea and super-vitamins. I need to get my strength back for the rigours of the week ahead.

Friday 19 May, Jo’s parents’ house, Surrey, UK

Technobabble

I’m sitting here in Jo’s parents’ garden while she deposits her 12 ferrets around various parts of East Sussex, tapping away on the web with the help of our new Inmarsat BGAN. That’s a satellite modem in lay terms. All this technology is beyond me. Basically our BGAN means we can hook up to the net anywhere, as long as the unit can ‘see the sky’ and talk to the nearest available satellite. And to think that a few years ago I could hardly send an email.

Neither of us has really started packing properly and there is equipment strewn all over the house—GPS units, the BGAN, DV tapes, cameras, water filters, maps, guide books (I think we need a special bookshelf in Ting Tong to accommodate our fleet of weighty travel tomes), insect repellent,WD40, Ultraseal, solar panels…it’s amazing all the weird and wonderful things we have to take with us. Luckily, Jo’s pa Bob is coming to see us off in Bangers so we can give him some of our equipment and thus avoid being stung for excess baggage.

Wednesday was possibly the maddest day of my life—here’s how it went:

I’m still feeling grotty and have a filthy cold, which is not ideal.

Thanks again to everyone who has helped us so far. You’re all amazing, and none of this would have been possible without you.

Chapter 2 Lift Off (#ulink_5e906aba-40d8-506b-928c-cda3901cce58)

Tuesday 23 May, Sawasdee Hotel, Bangkok, Thailand

Sawasdee ka from Bangkok

We arrived in Thailand on Sunday and it is all starting to feel a little bit more real, like we are actually going to drive home in a tuk tuk after all. It was quite sad saying goodbye to Mum and my brother Nick, because I knew I wouldn’t see them for over three months and I love my family so much. Dad took us to the airport and I wasn’t sad to say goodbye to him—not because I don’t love him to death, but because he will be joining us in Bangkok in a few days.

Ants and I both had insomnia on the plane and I had really bad restless legs, which in the confines of cattle class is no fun. I purloined a selection of pillows and blankets and made myself a bed by the emergency exit. I had just settled down comfortably when a stewardess politely told me that I had to return to my seat. Instead, Ants suggested a novel form of sedative and after a few shots of Night Nurse we slept like babies for the rest of the flight.

We’d arranged to meet Anuwat at the airport and after a few phone calls found him outside having a cigarette. He and his wife Dow then drove us to our hotel and I started to feel seriously excited that we were in Bangkok. The bright lights, sounds and smells of Thailand welcomed us and there were tuk tuks everywhere.

The following morning we met Stuart from Travelfish, one of our sponsors. He spent a few hours with us to do an interview and take photos for his website. Anuwat picked us all up from the hotel and we drove to his factory to meet Ting Tong for the first time. We were both feeling full of nervous anticipation. When we first saw Ting Tong it was a bit of an ‘Oh shit!’ moment, because she had no wiring, no seats and no roof and we had assumed that she would be totally finished when we arrived. However, she is bright pink and absolutely beautiful and we have both fallen madly in love with her.

My friend Hannah is out here at the moment and we met up with her, her boyfriend André and her friend Jess on the Khao San Road. For those of you who have not been to Thailand, the Khao San Road is the traveller’s ghetto in Bangkok, full of tourists, bars, restaurants, stalls and flashing neon lights. I think you either love it or hate it. It was quite fitting though, because I was with Hannah four years ago when I first came up with the idea of driving a tuk tuk back to England, and now here we are about to turn my crazy dream into reality.

We have got so much to sort out this week, and I still have no idea about tuk tuk mechanics. Anuwat is going to give me a couple of lessons in his factory later this week. God, I hope I pick it up quickly. It is really weird not being here as regular tourists, staying on the Khao San Road and going out partying every night. We’ve got too much on our plates to be doing any of that.

One of our big decisions at the moment is deciding where we want to start our adventure. Possibilities so far include the Khao San Road, the British embassy,Anuwat’s factory and Pattaya, a resort over 50 miles away. I think the Khao San Road would be a fun place to begin, but it’s really hectic and therefore may not be the best bet. We really ought to start from Bangkok, but then we would have to drive out of the city and neither of us has even driven TT yet. The traffic here is mental and the driving bordering on suicidal.

Poor Ants is feeling ill at the moment. She had a cold before we left home and now seems to have a nasty virus that is making her feverish. I hope that she feels better soon, because we are leaving in a few days…aaaagh!

Wednesday 24 May, Sawasdee Hotel, Bangkok, Thailand

The true meaning of Ting Tong

So much to write and so little time. It’s 10 p.m. and Jo and I have just got in after another hectic day in Bangkok. I want to write a megablog but I also need to lie down and chill out…so I’ll just include the highlights of today.

Today we had a very amusing lunch with Jim Short, the political secretary at the British embassy. Poor Jim was subjected to Jo’s usual barrage of questions—How old are you? How long have you been here? Where is your wife from? Do you earn much? What size are your shoes? But he still managed to be a paragon of charm and British cynicism. Thanks, Jim, for your words of wisdom and amazing tolerance to the Spanish Inquisition.

Having had lunch with Jim, we eventually got in touch with Mrs Fall, the wife of British ambassador, David Fall. Mrs Fall and her husband have very kindly agreed to let the tukathon begin at the embassy on Sunday morning and Nuttanee, their press officer, is going to rustle up some press interest. We hope some of the Thai press people will have nothing better to do than wave off a pair of Ting Tong farangs (foreigners) in a pink tuk tuk.

Which leads me to my next point: we’ve discovered that Ting Tong in fact means ‘crazy’ or ‘nuts’ in Thai. Although we were careful to ascertain that it didn’t mean some vile Mandarin obscenity, we omitted to check its Thai meaning. Oh well, it seems quite fitting really. Although, when our tuk tuk driver last night laughed, and exclaimed ‘Ting tong!’ while gesturing at a blatantly mentally unhinged individual banging a stick against a tree, we did begin to wonder whether we might be creating the wrong impression.

As for Ting Tong herself—well, she’s pink, hot pink! And she really is the most rocking tuk tuk in the world. We got a bit of a shock upon arriving at Anuwat’s factory on Monday morning to find a bevy of Anuwat’s workers swarming round her and no roof, seats or wiring. But they’ve done wonders and tomorrow she’ll be ready for us to test drive. We learnt later that Anuwat thought we were leaving next Sunday, not this one, hence the uber-chilled approach to finishing her. Anuwat is a diamond though and has been giving me and Jo the five-star treatment, chauffeuring us around sticky Bangkok and kitting out Ting Tong to perfection, down to the latest MP3 player.

Tomorrow morning it’s breakfast at the Four Seasons Hotel, then a visit to the Laos embassy to get our visas, and then mechanical training at the factory in the afternoon. We’ve managed to find a cameraman to come and help us out with the filming, so he’ll be with us for the next few days capturing the action.

Thursday 25 May, Sawasdee Hotel, Bangkok, Thailand

Busy, busy, busy…

We are having quite a week of it here in Bangkok. The time is flying by and every minute is filled with things to do.

Ants’ health took a turn for the worse today and Anuwat and I decided a visit to hospital was in order. They are not sure what is wrong yet so are keeping her in overnight to do tests. It’s not ideal, since we leave on Sunday. Fingers crossed she makes a very speedy recovery. I am fine and seem to be in good health on my very poor diet of fags, Coke and the odd grasshopper. Grasshoppers are actually quite tasty—a bit like a greasy Kettle Chip—although yesterday I got a leg stuck in the back of my throat, which induced a little retching episode. I am happy to say that I did not throw up.

Yesterday we spent the afternoon in the tuk tuk factory and I learnt all of the mechanical skills that we hope will keep Ting Tong in tiptop shape. I also had a little drive, reaching a top speed of about 10 mph in second gear. Shit! If I go on like that, it’s going to be a hell of a long journey back to Blighty. Perhaps the next challenge will be to do the trip in reverse—I am pretty nifty at reversing Ting Tong.

I went to the Laos embassy this morning on a double mission, first to obtain our visas and second to try and get special permission for us to cross into Laos at the Friendship Bridge. Currently the Laos government has banned Thai-registered vehicles driven by foreigners from crossing into Laos at this main border. This is a little bit worrying, because it is our intended route into country number two.

The traffic in Bangkok has got to be the worst in the world: think permanent rush-hour in the UK and you are still not even close. Coming back from the embassy this morning I opted to take a motorbike taxi, perhaps not the safest method of transport, but by far the quickest. I got back to the hotel in nearly half the time and was so happy that I was still alive I gave the driver a healthy tip.

Two days till Lift Off and my dad arrives from the UK today to spend a week travelling with us. It is very exciting, and having half a parental unit with us will certainly help to calm me down when we get lost or can’t find the right gear, i.e. anything above second. Having said that, we will be travelling a little slower with Dad in the back!

Anyway, I’d better go now before a power-cut wipes this blog and sends me ting tong.

Friday 26 May, Sawasdee Hotel, Bangkok, Thailand

A night in a Thai hospital

Ugh! I have just returned from a 24-hour sojourn in the Samitivej Hospital in Bangkok. Not ideal two days before Lift Off. I am feeling too feek and weeble to write much now and need to get horizontal again and get my strength back before we start.

It was nothing serious—just a high fever, the shakes and sweats, a viral infection, throat infection, ’flu and pharyngitis according to the hospital medical report. I’m sure it’s all been brought on by stress. What with all our final preparations, the launch party and arriving here, the past two weeks have been physically and mentally very challenging and my immune system caved in. We were at the factory yesterday learning mechanics and filming and I could feel myself getting hotter and hotter. By the time Jo and Anuwat took me to hospital last night I was a human radiator and my temperature had hit 104 °F. After a surfeit of pharmaceuticals, it’s now down to normal. I’m feeling very weak though and not quite sure how I am going to get enough strength to leave by Sunday. Where there is a will there is a way…

Tuesday 30 May, Khao Yai National Park, Thailand

Lift Off!

I can’t believe it! The tukathon has actually begun. At 11.49 a.m. on Sunday morning Jo, myself and Ting Tong, under the watchful gaze of Queen Victoria’s statue, turned left out of the British embassy in Bangkok and set sail for England. After so many months of planning, it’s extraordinary to think we have actually embarked on our 12,500-mile journey and that for the next three months we will slowly be heading home, each day inching a little closer across the globe.