The Warrior’s Princess

‘Sweetheart, I know how hard it is. But it will get better.’ She shivered. How could she say that, utter platitudes to an invisible thought form standing in the middle of her bedroom floor when she didn’t even know if the child had survived; or her father, her mother, her brother and sister. All might have been dead within days or weeks of the battle. One thing was for sure. They were all dead now.

‘I’m asleep,’ she said suddenly to herself. ‘None of this is happening. This is a dream. I am asleep and there is no one here. I am all alone. Soon it will be time to get up and have breakfast in the sunshine and I will wonder what I was worrying about. In fact, I won’t remember anything about this. Nothing at all.’

The child was gone. Staring round the room she could sense it. There was no one there. The house was empty again; in the garden the moonlight was slowly spreading through the wood. In seconds it would have reached the window of her bedroom and thrown a silver gleam across her floor and her fear would go. Leaning back she began to breathe more easily again. Within minutes she was asleep.

She was sitting in front of a cup of black coffee next morning in the kitchen, still wearing her nightshirt, her feet bare, her hair tousled, when the phone rang. It was Rhodri. ‘Are you listening to the radio? Turn it on. Now. Speak to you afterwards!’

Her head was splitting; the amnesia she had promised herself in the moonlight had not happened. With a groan she stood up and went to turn on the radio.

‘Viv Lloyd Rees and Pat Hebden’s drama documentary Queen of the North was aired last night to huge acclaim,’ the announcer’s voice floated out across the kitchen. ‘They are here in the studio with me to talk about their play and the research that went into it and to share with us the quite extraordinary experiences which they endured as they unearthed their heroine’s story.’

Jess sat down and reached for her coffee mug as the two women told their tale. Somehow, by digging into the past, they had awoken it. Even now, so it seemed, embarrassed to talk about what had happened to them, they described the terrifying events which had occurred as they probed the story of Cartimandua, events which had led eventually to disaster and even death.

Jess listened to the programme with increasing horror and fascination until the discordant eerily Celtic echoes of the closing music broke the mood. Wearily she rose and went to turn off the radio, then she picked up the phone. ‘How did you know it was coming on?’ she said as Rhodri answered.

‘They said so last night. After the play. Didn’t you hear them? What did you think?’

She could hear music playing in the background, powerful orchestral music, and she wished suddenly that she was there in the Prices’ warm kitchen. ‘I thought it was terrifying. Do you believe what they were saying? I can’t think how they could have gone on to write a play about her. I’d have been afraid I would go on raising the dead with every word I wrote.’ She paused. ‘Is that what I’ve done, Rhodri? Woken the ghosts here?’ She had forgotten her initial hostility to this man. He understood.

‘I don’t know about you particularly,’ he said thoughtfully, ‘after all Steph has noticed things too. Although you do seem to have woken them up a bit!’

Jess bit her lip. Of course. He didn’t know what it was that she and Eigon had in common; the reason the child who was the daughter of Caratacus had come to her to share her tears. And, perhaps, to ask for help. She froze. Is that what she was doing? Asking for help …

‘It’s interesting, isn’t it, perhaps you should see if they’ve got a website?’ Rhodri went on cheerfully. ‘As long as you’re not scared! What a bit of luck I spotted that entry in the Radio Times yesterday – I was looking for one of my concerts – as it happens they are putting it on tonight.’

Jess gave a wan smile. ‘I’ll listen to it –’ She broke off as she caught sight of the reflection from a car windscreen as it flashed across the wall. ‘Sorry, Rhodri. Someone has come. I’ll call you later.’

Will’s red MG sports car had pulled into the yard. Already he had opened the door and was climbing out, pulling off his sunglasses, looking round. ‘Jess?’ He strode towards the open front door. ‘Jess, are you there?’ Moments later he was standing in the kitchen looking at her. ‘There you are! My God you’ve become elusive, Jess.’ He stepped towards her, then registering the panic on her face as she stepped behind the kitchen table defensively, he stopped. ‘What’s wrong? Sorry. Did I give you a fright? I thought you’d seen me from the window.’ He threw his shades down on the table. ‘Is there any coffee left in that pot? It’s still a hell of a drive from London, isn’t it? Do you remember, when we used to do it together and get here at dawn, before Steph was even up?’ He pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, studying her face. ‘What’s wrong, Jess? What is this all about?’

Jess bit her lip. She sat down opposite him. ‘You know what it’s about, Will. And you know I would never want to see you again. So, why come?’

‘I’ve come because you wouldn’t return my calls, Jess. I had to know why. I thought we had parted on reasonably good terms after the party; I’d thought we could be civilised. I thought we’d enjoyed dancing together. Then I find you have resigned from school and run away and no one will tell me where you’ve gone, and I was worried about you. If Dan hadn’t rung yesterday –’

‘Dan told you where I was?’

‘He’s worried, too, Jess.’

‘I’ll bet he is. Did he know you were going to jump in the car and come straight here?’ She was fighting a wave of hysteria.

‘I don’t know –’

‘Did it not occur to you to ring and see if it was convenient? To find out if I wanted to see you again?’

‘I didn’t think –’

‘No, you didn’t think!’

‘If you would let me get a word in edgeways. I didn’t think you would want to see me. That’s why I came unannounced. I thought that way at least I would be able to see you face to face! I know we are finished, Jess, but at least give me credit for wanting to know you are all right.’

‘All right! Did you really think I would be all right after what you did?’

‘Oh, for God’s sake. Haven’t we got beyond that?’

They were both shouting now, their voices harsh and angry.

Can we stop playing now?

The words echoed round the kitchen.

Jess gasped.

‘Look, Jess,’ Will continued, jumping into the moment of silence before she could reply. ‘I am sorry we split up. You will never know how sorry. And I still care about you. How can someone stop caring after all that time?’ He didn’t appear to have heard the child’s voice. ‘I wanted to make sure you were all right. Clearly you are, so I will leave.’ He stood up. Then after a moment’s hesitation he sat down again. ‘Look, please, can we start this conversation again? You and I have muddled through since we broke up. We have managed to be civil in school; I thought we might become friends again, at least. I don’t know what I have done to cause this fury suddenly. Explain it to me.’

‘You don’t know? You thought what you did was OK?’ Her voice was shaking.

‘No. It wasn’t. I behaved badly. I was an arrogant bastard. And I’m sorry. You’ll never know how sorry.’

‘So you thought you would show me how much you still love me?’ Her voice sharpened. ‘You’ve got a very strange way of showing it. Get out, Will.’ Suddenly she was near to tears.

‘Jess –’

‘Get out!’ Her voice rose to a scream.

Please. Can we stop playing now.

The little girl was close to her, whispering in her ear. Jess put her hands to her ears and shook her head. ‘Go away!’ She was speaking to the child.

‘Jess –’

‘You go too, Will! Now. I never want to see you again!’

‘But, please –’

‘Go!’ Her voice was still dangerously near to a scream. ‘Get out! I came here to get away from you. I left school to get away from you. I thought it was Ash, but it wasn’t, was it. You let me think that! You would have let him take the blame, wouldn’t you, ruined the boy’s life to save your own beastly skin! You’re a coward as well as a pervert and a vicious bastard, and you’ll never know how nearly I went to the police. I could still go, you know!’

‘Jess –’

‘Get out, Will!’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Get out now.’

He stood up and without a word went to the door. For a moment she was too paralysed to move, then running to the window she watched as he climbed into the car, revved the engine and shot backwards out of the gate. He drove off without looking back. Only when he was out of sight did she finally burst into tears.

It was a long time before she stopped crying. Only then did she go to the phone and dial Dan’s number. He picked up on the third ring.

‘Dan! How could you! Why in God’s name did you tell him where I was?’

‘Hold on.’ There was a moment’s silence. She heard muffled voices, then a door banged. Then Dan came on the line again. ‘What are you talking about, Jess?’

‘You know damn well what I’m talking about. You told Will where I was.’