Barbara Erskine 3-Book Collection: Lady of Hay, Time’s Legacy, Sands of Time

‘The answer is no, Nick. I don’t accept cast-offs.’

His face hardened. ‘You are assuming too much. I came here to see if you had recovered, not to resume our affair. I don’t beg women to take me back.’

‘Good.’ She looked defiant. ‘I don’t think begging would suit you.’ She walked out onto the balcony and stood there for a moment with her back to him. Then she turned. ‘Nick, do you believe in reincarnation now, after what’s happened?’

‘No. I do not.’

‘Then what do you think is happening to me?’

‘I think you are the victim of your own imagination. No more than that.’

‘You don’t think it is possible that everyone lives again? You don’t believe that we might have known each other before, when I was Matilda –’

‘No, I don’t.’ Nick joined her on the balcony. He put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Don’t try and talk yourself into this, Jo. It’s madness.’

‘It was when I fainted at Ceecliff’s,’ she went on as if she hadn’t heard him. ‘As I was coming round I saw someone else’s face there, in the room. Someone who was you, and wasn’t you. Someone beside you –’

‘Shut up, Jo. I don’t want to hear any more –’

‘That person tried to strangle me. I couldn’t breathe. That was why I fainted. I thought it was you, but it wasn’t. His eyes were different and he had a beard …’ She pushed past him and went back inside. ‘Nick, you were part of that life. And it’s catching up with me! The people from the past are following me into the present! They are here, in the shadows!’ Her voice was rising. ‘William, my husband William was here, in my bedroom, and the baby, my baby, little Will. Nick, I started producing milk to feed him! That’s why I called Sam. I didn’t know what to do!’ Tears began to roll down her cheeks. ‘And the man at Ceecliff’s house reached out of the past to try and kill me, Nick. None of it was my imagination. They were real!’

Nick was staring at her in horror. ‘Jo, for God’s sake, get a grip on yourself. You’re talking rubbish.’

‘Am I?’ She took a deep breath. ‘How come the Chandlers upstairs heard the baby crying?’

‘You should be very glad they did, Jo. That proves absolutely, beyond a shadow of doubt, that it was a real baby they heard.’ Nick sat down, still watching her. ‘You need to get away, Jo. Right away for a few days. Listen, I’m not due back in the office until Monday –’

‘I know what you’re going to say.’ She gave him a brittle smile. ‘Thanks, but no.’

‘You don’t know what I’m going to say. I was going to suggest that you come down to the boat with me –’

‘Nick! Don’t you understand? I’m afraid of you! Afraid of that other person –’

‘There is no other person, Jo!’ Nick caught her arms. ‘You’ve been cooped up too long in this flat with this story all round you – tapes, books, nightmares. You’ve got to get away before it sends you really insane. I’m going to take Moon Dancer back to Lymington – I never got round to it when I went to see Ma last. Come with me. You know you’ve always loved the boat, and the sea air will help get things straight for you. It always did, remember?’

Jo hesitated. He was right. She had got to get away. ‘No strings? Separate bunks?’

Nick grinned. ‘Scout’s honour. Why don’t I ring the marina and ask them to get her ready? We’ll call in at Lynwood House and pick up my gear and we could be at Shoreham in a couple of hours or so.’

Jo sighed. She stared round the room, thinking of the night before, sitting all alone, waiting to hear if the baby was going to start crying again. Abruptly she capitulated. ‘OK, I’ll come. Thanks.’

He smiled. ‘Pack a bag while I phone.’ He watched as she moved towards the bedroom, seeing already a new lightness about her. He made the call and then threw himself back on the cushions of the sofa. They slipped a little and a bundle of rolled-up clothing fell onto the floor. He picked it up and shook the garments out, puzzled, then his face darkened.

Standing up, he strode towards the bedroom. ‘Did you do a striptease for Sam as the hors d’oeuvre or the encore?’ he asked, dropping her briefs on the bed.

She stared at them blankly. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘You don’t understand?’ Nick threw her dress and bra down as well. ‘How strange. I should have thought it was obvious. It is no doubt part of that precious professional relationship Sam is so keen to preserve. He takes off your clothes perhaps to take your pulse, then hides them under the pillow for tidiness’ sake! Or was it because I arrived unexpectedly? Not that it’s any of my business, of course.’

‘No, it isn’t any of your business!’ Jo flared angrily. She picked up her dress and shook out the creases. She felt suddenly very sick. ‘I must have left them there earlier. I don’t know … perhaps last night. I felt so strange last night. I was drinking, and I took the last of the pills –’

‘Jo, for God’s sake!’

‘There is nothing between Sam and me, Nick. Nothing. If it’s any of your business.’ Her eyes flashed. ‘I’m not so sure this boat thing is such a good idea after all!’

‘We’re going, Jo.’ Nick picked up her bag. ‘Forget Sam for now. We’ll talk about him later. Get a jacket. It might be cold on the water.’

She hesitated. ‘Nick, this is stupid. We can’t do it. To go away together would be crazy.’

‘Then it’s a kind of craziness we both need.’ His tone was becoming threatening. ‘I’m prepared to carry you to that car, Jo.’

She was too tired to argue any more. She swallowed the automatic flareup of rebellion and followed him downstairs, thankful only when the front door was closed without her hearing again the echoing wail of baby William’s hungry cries.

Two and a half hours later, Jo clutched Nick’s arm. ‘Nick stop! Go back!’

The Porsche screamed to a standstill on the dusty road. ‘For God’s sake, what’s wrong?’

‘That signpost! Did you see it?’

‘Jo, you could have caused an accident. Christ! What is wrong with you? What signpost?’

Turning in his seat he reversed up the empty road, past the narrow turning to which Jo had pointed.

‘There.’ She was pale and excited. ‘Look. It points to Bramber!’

‘So?’ Nick glanced in the rear-view mirror and waved a lorry past, then he pulled the car into the grass verge. ‘What’s so special about Bramber, suddenly?’

‘It was William’s home. It was where I went after I was married!’

Nick’s hand tightened on the wheel. ‘After Matilda was married, I suppose you mean?’

‘That’s what I said. Oh Nick, can we go there? Please?’

A car slowed behind them, hooted and overtook, the driver gesturing rudely as he disappeared around the curve of the road.

‘Jo, we’ve come to forget all that.’

‘Oh please, Nick. I’ll never rest until I’ve been there now. Just for a few minutes. It’s research for the article amongst other things. I can see how much it’s changed. Nick, don’t you see? I’ll be able to compare. It might prove that everything has been in my imagination –’ Sadness showed in her eyes suddenly. ‘If I recognise nothing at all, at least we’ll know then. The Downs can’t have changed all that much, or the river. Please, Nick?’

With a sigh Nick engaged gear. He turned up the narrow road, glancing at the countryside round them. ‘We’ve been round here half a hundred times before, Jo. Every time we’ve left the boat at Shoreham we’ve explored the Downs to find pubs and restaurants –’

‘But we’ve never turned off here.’ She was peering through the windscreen, her hand on the dash. ‘I don’t recognise anything, Nick. Not the countryside, the Downs are so naked – so small.’ He could hear the disappointment in her voice.

‘They are the same as they were the last time you and I came down to the boat,’ he said gently. ‘Look –’ He slowed the car. ‘It says “To the Castle”. Shall I turn up there?’

She nodded. Her mouth had gone dry.

Nick swung the car up the steep lane between two small modern flint turrets and into a muddy car park. Above them rose a wooded hill with a squat little church nestling into its side. Jo pushed the car door open and stood up, her eyes fixed on the church. Nick hadn’t moved. He was leaning across, watching her.