Adopted: Outback Baby

‘Seven weeks? They’re still pretty small at that age, aren’t they?’

She couldn’t help smiling. ‘Yes, quite small. Why?’

‘Oh, I can’t help being curious about what Jean wants to discuss. It’s obviously something to do with Sam.’

Nell nodded. ‘He must be a handful for Jean, especially when her husband’s so incapacitated.’

‘What’s the matter with her husband?’

‘He had a stroke last April.’

‘Poor man. They are certainly going through a terrible time.’ Jacob’s eyes narrowed as he watched her. ‘So will you be taking any interest in Sam?’

‘What makes you ask that? Of course I’m interested in him. He’s my grandson.’

His eyes were cold. ‘You weren’t interested in his mother.’

He couldn’t have hurt her more if he’d tripped her, sending her flat on her face. ‘How dare you?’

‘It’s the truth, Nell. You gave Tegan up for adoption.’

‘Not me—’

Jacob steamrolled over her protest. ‘And for nineteen years that poor girl was led to believe that I couldn’t give a damn about her.’

To Nell’s dismay, Jacob leapt to his feet and towered over her.

‘You’ve deprived me of my daughter. Why on earth did you do that, Nell?’

‘You know that’s not fair.’ Her hands fisted so tightly her nails dug into her palms. She wanted to leap to her feet too, but how ridiculous that would be. A sparring match. ‘Have some pity,’ she cried, looking up at him. ‘You don’t know what happened. You don’t know what I’ve been through.’

He stood with his hands clenched at his sides, his jaw jutting at a stubborn angle.

With calm emphasis on each word, Nell said again, ‘You don’t know what happened.’

Jacob’s mouth opened as if he was about to burst out with another angry accusation, but as he stood there, staring at her, she could see that her words were taking hold. The anger in his eyes lessened, confusion returned.

Sinking his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he looked chastened. ‘I’m sorry. I was just letting off steam.’ He returned to the armchair, lifted the mug of tea and stared at it. ‘Can you tell me exactly what happened?’

Nell couldn’t hold back a despairing sigh. ‘I can’t believe you think I could willingly give my daughter away.’

‘Our daughter.’

‘Yes, Jacob. Our daughter.’

He set the mug down. ‘Until Tegan wrote to me, I didn’t even know you’d given birth. Later, when I’d heard you and your husband referred to as childless, I assumed you’d had a miscarriage. Or an abortion. I thought there was even a chance that you’d never been pregnant at all, that you’d been mistaken.’

Nell swallowed. ‘I’m so sorry you never knew.’

‘Believe me, so am I.’ He shifted forward in his chair, eyed her levelly. The muscles in his throat worked. ‘I can’t help feeling cheated.’

‘I know,’ Nell said softly. She’d felt cheated too—cheated out of motherhood. But at least she’d known where Tegan was, that she was safe and happy. ‘I didn’t give Tegan away, Jacob. You must remember what my parents were like.’

He watched her with calculated wariness. ‘I know your father held a gun to my head. I know he forced my mother and me to leave Half Moon without collecting our wages.’

‘And he sent me down here to Melbourne to a private Home for unmarried mothers.’

The hardness fell from Jacob’s face. ‘All the way down here?’

‘Yes.’

‘No wonder I couldn’t find you.’

‘Did you try to find me?’

‘Of course I tried. I was desperate to find you. We’d planned to be married, remember?’

His eyes shimmered and Nell’s heart stumbled.

‘I couldn’t find you either,’ she admitted. ‘I tried, but I wasn’t allowed many phone calls from the Home. I tried again after Tegan was born. I rang everyone I could think of. Someone mentioned that you’d gone interstate, but no one knew where. You and your mother just disappeared into the Outback.’

When he made no comment, she felt compelled to ask, ‘Do you believe me, Jacob?’

He nodded grimly. ‘My story’s much the same. I went to your university. I found people who knew you, but they couldn’t tell me where you were.’

‘I never went back to university.’

A shuddering sigh escaped him. He cleared his throat. ‘So was Tegan born here, in Melbourne?’

‘Yes. I won’t burden you with details, but it was a difficult birth and I was in a bad way afterwards. They kept me heavily sedated.’

Jacob swore softly.

‘When my parents gave me papers to sign, I didn’t understand that I was giving the baby up for adoption.’

‘But that’s criminal.’

Choked by memories, Nell nodded again. She’d relived that day countless times. ‘I thought I was just signing papers for the baby’s birth certificate.’

It hurt to talk about this. A sob burned her throat but she stumbled on, needing to tell him everything. But, more than anything now, she wanted to share with him her precious memories of their daughter.

‘Tegan was gorgeous, Jacob. When she was born, she was so tiny and perfect and cute. She had such a sweet face. Gorgeous dark eyes—a bit unfocused, of course. And her little pink fingers were curling over the edge of her blanket and she had the most perfect miniature fingernails.’

Avoiding the pain in his face, she closed her eyes. Don’t cry. It won’t help anyone if you cry. She drew a deep breath. ‘I didn’t know that was the last time I would see her.’ She drew another breath for courage. ‘They told me they were putting her in some kind of foster care until I was fully recovered.’

‘Nell.’

‘I broke down completely when I realised what I’d signed, but the nurse in charge just whacked me with more sedatives.’