I Do...: Her Accidental Engagement / A Bride's Tangled Vows

“No.”

“Do you know how many people I meet in the course of my job who do bad things every day? Their kids are rarely taken away.”

“Maybe they should be,” she suggested, too unsettled to be comforted. “Maybe if they had people with buckets of money and tons of power going after them, they’d lose their babies.”

He wrapped his fingers around hers. “You aren’t going to lose Charlie. Stop thinking like that.”

“You don’t know, Sam. You weren’t in that room.”

“A mistake I don’t intend to repeat. I should have been there with you. For you.”

The tenderness in his voice touched a place deep within her: an intimate, open well of emotion she’d locked the lid to many years ago. She wanted to believe in him, to trust that he could protect her the way she’d never been willing to protect herself or even believed she deserved. The part of her who’d been hurt too many times in the past wanted to run.

She excelled at running away. She’d practically perfected it as an art.

That was what she’d been thinking in the courthouse. People disappeared all the time with no trace. She’d wanted to slip out of that room, gather up Charlie and whatever would fit in her trunk and drive away from the threat looming over her. She could cut hair anywhere. Why not start over in a place where no one knew her or her insecurities or all the ways she didn’t measure up? She had friends around the country who’d help her if she asked.

The weight of trying to make a new life in a place that was as familiar to her as a worn blanket seemed too heavy. Of course trouble had followed her to Brevia. This was where it had started in the first place.

Sam’s faith had made her feel as though things could work out, the same way Charlie’s birth had renewed her hope in herself and her desire to really try.

What was the use? This morning was a cold, harsh dose of reality and she didn’t like it.

“Stop it,” he said quietly. “Whatever’s going through your mind right now, put it out. It’s not going to do you or Charlie any good for you to give up.”

Because she couldn’t help it, she met his gaze again. “I’m scared, Sam.” A miserable groan escaped her lips. “I’m terrified they’re going to take my baby and I won’t be able to stop them.”

“We’re going to stop them.” He took her hand. “What did Frank say?”

“That all Southern women were crazy, so it wouldn’t be an issue, and he needed to make his tee time and we’d talk tomorrow.”

“Tell me what happened in there.”

“I can’t.” She bit her lip again and tasted blood on her tongue. “I put my mistakes behind me. Or I thought I did. Their attorney knew things about my past I hadn’t even told Jeff. They went after my character and I had nothing to offer in my defense. Nothing as bad as me killing someone, although the urge to wipe the smug smile off of Maria Johnson’s face was almost overwhelming. They made me seem unstable and irresponsible. Two things I can’t afford if I’m going to keep sole custody of Charlie.”

“Then we’ll come up with something.”

“This isn’t your problem, Sam.”

“Hell, yes, it’s my problem. You’re my fiancée.”

The lunacy of that statement actually made her laugh. “Your fake fiancée. Not the same thing.”

“For the purposes of your custody case it is. You’re not alone, Julia. We both get something out of this arrangement. My dad has talked about heading back home before the wedding. That’s huge for me. Dinner was a big success. It’s my turn to repay you.”

Sam knew there was more to his interest in her case than wanting to repay her. Yes, his dad had backed off, but it was more than that. Sam cared about Julia and Charlie, about keeping them safe. No one should be able to make her feel this bad about herself. He also knew it was dangerous territory for him. He’d let his heart lead him before, with disastrous results.

His father might be the king of emotional diarrhea these days, but Sam remembered clearly the months after his mother’s death. He’d fixed lunches for his little brother, made sure they both had baths at night and taken money out of his dad’s wallet to buy groceries on his way home from school. He’d walked a mile out of his way once a week so no one at the local grocery would recognize him and be concerned. When he wasn’t at work, his father had sat in the darkened living room, paging through photo albums, a glass of amber-colored liquid in his hand.

That was what loving someone too much could do to a man. Sam had learned early on he wasn’t going to make that mistake. When he’d caught his brother, Scott, with his ex-fiancée, he’d been angry and embarrassed, but mainly numb.

When he’d broken off the engagement, Jenny had told him the entire situation was his fault. He’d been too cold and distant. She wanted to be with a man who could feel passion. She’d thought seeing her with someone else would awaken Sam’s passion. Talk about crazy, and she wasn’t even Southern.

He’d known he didn’t have any more to give her or any woman. Even though his pattern of dating hadn’t been deliberate, the look a woman sometimes got in her eye after a couple of dates scared him. The look said “I want something more.” She wanted to talk about her feelings. Sam felt sick thinking about it.

As far as he was concerned, a pretend engagement suited him fine. He cared about Julia and he wanted to help her, but their arrangement was clear. He didn’t have to give more of himself than he was able to, and she wasn’t going to expect anything else.

“Jeff asked me to marry him,” she said, breaking his reverie.

“During the mediation?” he asked, sure he must have heard her wrong.

She shook her head. “Last night. He came to my apartment.”

Sam felt his blood pressure skyrocket. “You let him in? What were you thinking?” Especially since Sam had practically had to hold himself back from making the short drive to her apartment. He’d had a long day at work, and as he was pulling into his driveway, he’d realized how much he didn’t want to be alone in his quiet house. He’d resisted the urge, telling himself that he shouldn’t get too attached to Julia or her son. They had boundaries and he was a stickler for the rules. Now to find out that her creep of an ex-boyfriend had been there?

“He came crawling back.” Sam kept his tone casual. Inside, his emotions were in turmoil. This was the guy she’d wanted to marry so badly. What if she still carried a torch for him? He’d obviously been an idiot to let her go once. If he came back now, trying to rekindle a romance and wanting to be a real family, would Julia consider taking him back? That thought hit Sam straight in the gut. “What did you say?”

She studied him for a moment. “He didn’t quite come crawling. More like trumpeting his own horn. He told me the reason they’re coming after Charlie is because his parents want an heir to the family business.”

“They’ve got a son. Let him take over.”

“Not his deal, and Jeff isn’t going to have other children. He’s made sure of that. Although it’s crazy to think they could start grooming a mere toddler. No wonder Jeff has so many issues. If only I’d been smart enough to see it when we were together. You know what the strange part of this is? No one in Jeff’s family has tried to get to know Charlie. It’s like they want him on paper but they don’t care about having a grandson. I want him to know their family if they have a real interest in him. But I saw how Jeff suffered from being a pawn in his parents’ power games. I can’t let the same thing happen to Charlie.”

He held her hand, his brilliant blue eyes warm with emotion. “Your son needs you. He needs you to fight for him.”

She nodded and wiped at her nose.

“What you need is a plan of defense. You flaked on some jobs. It happens.”

“There’s a reason,” she mumbled, almost reluctantly.

“A reason that will explain it away?”

She shrugged and shook free from his hand, adjusting the vents to the air-conditioning as a way to keep her fingers occupied. “I have severe learning disabilities.”

When he didn’t respond she continued, “I’ve been keeping it a secret since I was a kid. It’s a neurobiological disorder, both visual and auditory. Only my family and a few teachers knew, and I kept it from them for as long as I could. Everyone else assumed I was lazy or didn’t care.”

“Why would you hide that?”

“You have no idea what it’s like, how much shame and embarrassment is involved. To people who’ve never dealt with it, it seems cut-and-dried. It’s not.” Her hands clenched into fists as she struggled with her next words. “I’m a good mimic and my bad attitude served me well as a way to keep everyone from digging too much. I got by okay, but I can barely read. Numbers on a page are a puzzle.”

“All those books on your shelf...”

“I’m nothing if not determined. I’ll get through them someday. Right now, I’m working with a literacy specialist. They have a lot of methods that weren’t available when I was in school. But it never gets easier. For years, I tried so hard in school but people thought I was a total slacker. Ditzy blonde cheerleader with no brain. A lot of the time that’s how it felt. Once I was out on my own, I hid it as best I could. People can take advantage of me pretty easily when it comes to contracts or finances. And that’s what happened. A number of times. It always seemed easier to just move on rather than to fight them.”

“Every time someone got wind of it, you left.”

She nodded. “It was cowardly but I don’t want to be treated like I’m stupid. Although, looking back, I acted pretty dumb most of the time. Especially when it came to boyfriends. I trusted Jeff. He never let me forget it.”