Wedding Belles

Yes, Vivi did believe what Myra said, and I just hoped that her shower day predictions didn’t trigger a homicide attempt on the hubby/daddy-to-be.

Jean-Pierre glanced at me, a bit exasperated. “Can’t you do anything to stop this?”

“Not likely,” I said. “The readings are her wedding gift from me.”

His mouth dropped open in horror, as if I’d shattered his former belief in my exquisite taste.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I protested. “Vivi asked for this and I just want my best friend to be happy. That is my job, after all. I am her matron of honor.”

“Okay, then,” Jean-Pierre said, throwing up his hands. “We’ll put group mystic reading on the list. The day is all about Vivi, after all.”

“Oh, I just love the whole idea!” Coco stood up and began moving around excitedly. “I always wanted to have a reading myself. It sounds like a teetotal hoot and a half.” He leaned over to a grumpy Jean-Pierre and linked one arm with his. “Hand me my ruby slippers, honey, we’re off to see the wizard!”

I smiled at his enthusiasm, relieved to have at least one of them on board with the idea. I was just hoping the “other woman” the psychic spoke of didn’t turn out to be the Wicked Witch of the West.

3

That afternoon I met Vivi at the courthouse, and Lewis was waiting there on the sidewalk with his soon-to-be bride.

“I am so excited I can’t even think,” she said. “Can you believe Lewis and I are going to get our marriage license?” She was exuberant.

“Hey, Blake, thanks for coming and being a witness to history,” Lewis said as he gave me a hug.

“Wouldn’t miss this for the world,” I said, smiling at them.

“Hey, baby,” Vivi said, turning to face Lewis. “Did you know that the psychic this morning said there was another woman in this little domestic portrait we’re painting?” Vivi threw it out there just like that. Completely out of nowhere, without giving either of us a warning. I should’ve expected something like this. She’d been so upset this morning, and she was probably stewing on it all day long while I was with the planners. Looking at her now, I could tell she couldn’t take the worrying anymore. She needed to get this out of the way as soon as possible. Of course, Lewis was stunned.

“What?” he said, confused at the sudden turn in the conversation. “Another woman? Hell, ain’t nobody but you, Red. Nobody for me but you.” He gave her a reassuring smile.

“Aww, sugar.” The relief in Vivi’s face was obvious. “I love you. But that psychic did give me a scare. She’s usually right about the things she sees, but I couldn’t believe it when she suggested you’d been cheatin’. Blake says she’s probably picking up vibes from the baby. She’s the other woman,” Vivi said as she patted her stomach. She gazed up at Lewis and smiled. “I mean, I just know it’s a she.”

“I’m sure that’s it. And besides, I’ve already told you I’ve never trusted those psychics. They just make things up to keep you comin’ back for more.” Lewis helped Vivi up the courthouse steps and into the lobby of the beautiful old building.

“Here I go. Oh, Blake, I can’t stand it, I’m so excited, I’m gonna burst.”

“Honey, let’s hope not.” If this was how she felt picking up the license, we’d likely need to give her medication on her wedding day. We went inside and followed the signs down to the marriage license office.

As we walked through the door, Lewis stopped and held Vivi in front of him. “I love you, Red. Today’s our day,” he said with a grin. “We’re gonna be official. I am so happy, baby.” He leaned down and planted quite a kiss on her.

She blushed right up to her red-haired roots, then smoothed her dress over her five-month baby bump and laughed. “I’m so nervous. I changed clothes six times.”

“Well, you look gorgeous. Let’s do this.” Lewis was just as excited as she was.

We approached the lady at the counter. She looked to be around fifty-five, with straight brown hair cut in a severe bob. She scanned Vivi’s burgeoning belly. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry, you must have the wrong room. This is the office to apply for a wedding license.”

“And what the hell makes you think I’m in the wrong room?” Vivi snapped, but her eyes were smiling. She loved toying with people.

The lady looked down at Vivi’s tummy. “Well, I just, um...”

“Yes, I am pregnant and I am wearin’ white at the wedding, too.” Vivi was loving this. “Now can I apply for my marriage license, please?”

“To each his own. You can work out those details with your minister,” the woman said with disinterest. “Y’all got your information ready to go?”

“It’s all right here.” Vivi handed over her paperwork.

“And how about you, sir?”

Lewis was grinning like I had never seen him before. His face was flushed with joy as he lay down his documents. “Never been more ready than I am today.”

The lady studied the information and typed all the appropriate answers into the computer on the counter. After a few moments of awkward silence, she frowned at the screen and then cleared her throat.

“Well, sir, I’m not so sure about that. I think you may have been a little more ready about thirteen years ago,” the woman said, clicking a few more keys. She looked up at him. “The great state of Alabama frowns on bigamy, and you, sir, are already married. By the way, aren’t you our play-by-play announcer? Roll Tide.” She smiled.

“Wait. Already what? Did you just say my fiancé is already married?” Vivi repeated in shock.

“There is no damn way!” Lewis was livid, his face turning a blotchy red.

“This is a mistake,” Vivi said, her voice rising. “I have known him for every one of those thirteen years and he has never been married!” She was about to pitch a full-out conniption fit right here in the courthouse.

“Ma’am, I have never been engaged, much less married,” Lewis insisted. “A person would know that, I think.”

“Well, sir. This is your birth certificate. This is your social security number. It matches all the information you just gave me, right down to the signature. This wedding certificate belongs to you, alrighty.” She printed out a copy and handed it over to let Vivi and Lewis read it for themselves. “As you can see, Mr. Lewis Heart married Miss Tressa Mae Hartman in April of 1999. I have no record of a dissolution of marriage.”

Vivi turned white as a ghost and leaned into me. I held her up and walked her over to the bench just outside the room. I was fanning her with some pamphlet I had picked up, and she looked about ready to faint.

Lewis followed us, holding the evidence in his hand, his mouth still dropped open. “There is just no way in this world, no way,” he said again. “This can’t be real. I know it can’t.”

“Get me some water, quick,” I said. “Vivi’s gonna pass out.”

“Where’s the water? Where?” Lewis went into panic mode.

Great, I thought. Now they’re both flippin’ out.

“Oh, I see it.” He ran down the little hallway in his slick dress shoes, heading for the watercooler, when he wiped out completely and landed on his back. I could hear the breath leaving his body from twenty feet away.

Vivi was crying and muttering, “No, no, no.” She didn’t even see him fall.

“Lewis, oh, my God, are you okay?” I asked.

“Fine,” he groaned, stumbling to his feet. “I’ll get that water now.” He made his way hurriedly toward the watercooler down the hall, his dress shoes still slipping on the newly waxed vinyl floor of the Tuscaloosa courthouse.

He grabbed some pointy paper cups, filled two of them and ran back to us, sloshing water all over his chest and slip-sliding as he came. He was a mess.

“Here you go, baby.” He gave Vivi one cup. She was still hyperventilating.

“Lewis Heart, please tell me this is a mistake,” she begged.

“I swear, I can explain.”