Beg To Die

“Yes, that Caleb McCord.”

“Am I missing something? Why would you tell—”

“That’s right, I didn’t tell you, did I?”

“Tell me what?”

“Caleb is in love with Jazzy.”

“He is?”

“Yes, he is. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

Dallas chuckled. Genny turned her attention back to the morning sky as she sipped her coffee and allowed her fiancé to pull her down in his lap as he sat in one of the four rocking chairs on the front porch.

Laura Willis rested on the window seat in the guest bedroom she shared with her younger sister, Sheridan, at the Upton estate outside Cherokee Pointe. She’d been living here since Jamie brought her to meet his grandparents three months ago. Until her sister and parents had arrived two days ago for her engagement party, she had shared Jamie’s bed many nights. The nights he stayed at home. His grandmother, Miss Reba, assured her that Jamie wasn’t with other women on those nights he stayed out until dawn, but she knew better. Her Jamie was a ladies’ man. And there was one lady—and she used the term loosely—Jamie found irresistible. Jazzy Talbot.

Maybe she was a fool to believe that once she and Jamie were married he’d be faithful to her. But he had solemnly vowed to her that once they said their “I dos,” he would be true to her. Perhaps she had to believe he’d keep his word because she loved him so much.

And he loved her. She knew he did. He could be tender and considerate and loving, as well as wildly passionate. She was lucky that he intended to marry her. He’d been engaged twice before, but this time would be different. In three weeks they would say their vows and she would become Mrs. James Upton III. And if Jazzy Talbot didn’t stay away from her husband, she’d…what would she do? She’d kill her, that’s what she’d do.

No, no, Laura, you don’t mean that. You could never kill another human being. Not even Jazzy.

The eastern sky brightened as dawn colored the horizon with muted pastels. Laura could see the front drive from her window as well as the expansive front lawn. Quiet, empty, nothing more than the spring breeze stirring at this time of day.

You’re with her, aren’t you, Jamie? You spent the night with her. Touching her, kissing her, making love to her the same way you do me. No, no, no! It’s not the same. He loves me. He only wants to fuck her.

Tears gathered in Laura’s eyes. She swallowed hard and willed the tears away. It wasn’t too late to call off the wedding. But what good would that do? Jamie had already broken her heart. And she knew that without him, she’d die. He was everything to her. Her whole world. The only way she’d ever be free of him was if she died. Or if they both died.

“Where do you suppose that fiancé of yours went?” Sheridan asked as she approached the window seat.

Not realizing her sister was even awake, let alone out of bed, Laura gasped. “I’m sorry if I woke you. I couldn’t sleep.”

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep either if my fiancé had left our engagement party before it ended and stayed out all night.” Sheridan sat down beside Laura and glanced out the window. “You do know what people were saying, don’t you?”

“I do not want to hear gossip!”

Laura wished her sister would leave her alone, but she knew Sheridan would needle her until she’d drawn blood. Figuratively drawn blood, of course. Sheridan had a knack for it, especially where Laura was concerned. Her sister seemed to derive some perverse pleasure from pointing out all of Laura’s shortcomings.

“You know, I wondered how you’d caught yourself such a prize,” Sheridan said. “Someone like Jamie. Someone in our social circle, very rich, handsome, charming. But I’m beginning to understand. Your fiancé has a major character flaw, doesn’t he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Please, God, make her leave me alone. I don’t want to despise my own sister, but sometimes…

Sheridan laughed. Laura hated the sound. She’d hated that mocking laughter since they’d been children and Sheridan had pointed out to Laura that “Mommy loves me best”. Maybe Mother did love Sheridan best. God knew sometimes it seemed that way. But Laura knew she was her father’s favorite, something Sheridan punished her for, even though it wasn’t her fault.

“I suppose it’s only fair that both you and your fiancé aren’t quite perfect.”

Laura forced herself to confront her sister. Their gazes met forcefully—and this time Laura didn’t blink, didn’t back down as she so often did. “I’ve never claimed to be perfect—”

“Good thing…considering.”

“Considering what? That I’m crazy?”

“You said it, I didn’t.”

“I’m not crazy. I’m not! I’m high-strung and nervous. I’m more emotionally sensitive than the average person. That’s all. Daddy said that I’m all right. Even the doctors said I’m okay.” Why did Sheridan have to keep reminding her about her past mental and emotional problems?

“Does Jamie know?” Sheridan asked. “Is he aware that his little bride-to-be could easily go completely berserk at any given moment?”

“What a cruel thing to say to me.”

“Maybe someone told him about you and he’s run away before—”

“He’s gone to her!” Laura cried out. “That’s what you wanted to hear, isn’t it? You wanted me to admit that he left our engagement party to go to her.”

“Then you do know all about her, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know all about Jasmine Talbot.”

Sheridan smirked, the expression hardening her cute cheerleader brunette beauty. Her big brown eyes twinkled with delight. “If Jamie was my fiancé, he wouldn’t have to go to an old girlfriend for what he needed. I’d give it to him. I’d keep him so satisfied that he’d never even look at another woman.” Sheridan paused, smiled wickedly, and licked her lips. “Why he chose you instead of me, I’ll never know. Maybe he thought you were a virgin.” Sheridan chuckled softly. “Of course, he knows from firsthand experience that I’m not.”

The meaning of her sister’s taunt hit Laura full force. Before she realized what she was doing, she slapped Sheridan, who simply continued smiling as she rubbed her red cheek. Laura jumped up and ran toward the door, tears clouding her vision.

“Where are you going?” Sheridan called after her.

Laura paused after she opened the bedroom door. “Anywhere away from you.”

“Why don’t you drive into town? You might find Jamie still in bed with his old lover. Or have you already been to town? Is that where you disappeared to last night after the party ended?”

Laura walked out into the hall and headed toward the stairs. Maybe she could find sanctuary in Big Jim’s study. Surely Sheridan had tormented her enough and wouldn’t follow her. As she descended the spiral staircase, her sister’s last question played itself over in her head. Or have you already been to town? Is that where you disappeared to last night after the party ended?

What was Sheridan talking about? Laura had no memory of going anywhere after her engagement party ended. Why would she have driven into town alone? She wouldn’t have, would she? Don’t think about it. Just because you have no memory of the time between when you said good night to your parents and when you came to your room two hours later doesn’t mean you went to Cherokee Pointe to search for Jamie.

But what if she had followed him to Jazzy’s apartment? What if during those two missing hours she’d done something stupid? Something terrible? She’d been so hurt and angry when she realized Jamie had deserted her on their special night and embarrassed that most of the people attending the engagement party suspected he’d left her to go to Jazzy.

Just because years ago she lost several hours and had no memory of where she’d gone or what she’d done didn’t mean it had happened again. Just because she had done something bad that time didn’t mean she had this time. She wasn’t crazy!

But what if I am? a frightened little voice inside her asked.

Jazzy hadn’t slept a wink after Jamie finally left. He’d stayed two hours—an hour longer than she’d told him he could stay. And he’d tried his level best to convince her to let him spend the night in her bed. And truth be told, she’d been tempted. Maybe with Jamie, she always would be.

But a person could overcome temptation. Although being tempted posed a problem, it was giving in to that temptation that wreaked havoc in her life. She supposed she was addicted to Jamie, the way another person might be addicted to tobacco or booze or drugs. You knew it was bad for you, knew it could kill you, but you still craved it.

Although each time she turned Jamie away, it became just a little easier the next time, she knew in her soul that only death—his or hers—would ever free her completely. At this point in her life, she hated Jamie more than she’d ever loved him. And the perverse, sinister part of her wished him dead—but only in those darkest, most frightening moments when her instincts for survival overcame her common decency.

There was no point mooning around in her apartment, wearing out the rug in her living room. All the restless pacing in the world wouldn’t take her mind off her predicament. She had to find a way—short of murder—to keep Jamie out of her life. Permanently. She could have Jacob or Dallas issue a restraining order, but that would probably have an adverse effect. Jamie would see it as a sign of weakness on her part and pursue her all the more, even if it meant his being arrested. With Big Jim Upton’s money, Jamie could afford the best lawyers and unlimited bail money.

What she needed was to get out of the house, go down to Jasmine’s for breakfast, find as much work to do in the office this morning as possible. Jazzy showered hurriedly, then slung on jeans and a long-sleeved gold shirt. She grabbed a beige chenille sweater and her purse as she headed out the door. The air was crisp and chilly, the sky clear and bright. Already at six o’clock the little town was showing signs of activity. When she reached the bottom of the outside stairs that led from her upstairs apartment to the sidewalk that ran along the back of Jazzy’s Joint, she heard a horn honk. When she glanced up, she saw Dr. MacNair toss up his hand and wave at her. She waved back as he turned his SUV into a parking place in front of Jasmine’s, the restaurant she owned that was located beside her honky-tonk on the corner of Florence Avenue and Loden Street.