Before He Covets

“How do you feel?” he asked.

She shrugged, realizing just how badly she wanted to get out of there. She could tell herself all the lies she wanted, but the fact that she had no family, friends, or loved ones in attendance was starting to weigh on her.

“Just a shrug?” Ellington asked.

“Well, how should I feel?”

“Accomplished. Proud. Excited. Just to name a few.”

“I’m all of those things,” she said. “It’s just…I don’t know. The whole ceremony aspect of it seems a little much.”

“I can understand that,” Ellington said. “God, I hate wearing a suit.”

Mackenzie was about to come back with a comment – maybe about how he actually wore the suit well – when she saw McGrath approaching from behind Ellington. He also smiled at her but, unlike Ellington’s, his seemed nearly forced. He extended his hand to her and she took it, surprised at how limp his grip was.

“I’m glad you made it through,” McGrath said. “I know you have a bright and promising career ahead of you.”

“No pressure or anything, right?” Ellington said.

“The top five percent,” McGrath said, not allowing Mackenzie a chance to say a single word. “Damn fine work, White.”

“Thank you, sir,” was all she could find to say.

McGrath leaned in close, all business now. “I’d like for you to come to my office Monday morning at eight o’clock. I wanted to get you deep inside the inner workings as soon as possible. I already have your paperwork drafted up – I actually took care of that a long time ago, so it would all be ready when this day came. That’s how much faith I have in you. So…let’s not wait. Monday at eight. Sound good?”

“Of course,” she said, surprised at this uncharacteristic display of glowing support.

He smiled, shook her hand again, and quickly disappeared into the crowd.

When McGrath was gone, Ellington gave her a perplexed look and a wide grin.

“So, he’s in good spirits. And I can tell you that doesn’t happen very often.”

“Well, it’s a big day for him, I guess,” Mackenzie said. “A whole new talent pool for him to pick and choose from.”

“That’s true,” Ellington said. “But all jokes aside, the man is really smart with how he utilizes new agents. Keep that in mind when you meet with him on Monday.”

An awkward silence passed between them; it was a silence that they had gotten used to and that had become a staple of their friendship – or whatever it was that was going on between them.

“Well, look,” Ellington said. “I just wanted to say congrats. And I wanted to let you know that you’re always welcome to call me if things get too real. I know that sounds dumb but at some point – even for the infamous Mackenzie White – you’re going to need someone to vent to. It can catch up to you pretty quickly.”

“Thanks,” she said.

Then, suddenly, she wanted to ask him to come with her – not in any sort of romantic way, but just to have a familiar face with her. She knew him relatively well and even though she had conflicted feelings about him, she wanted him by her side. She hated to admit it, but she was starting to feel that she should do something to celebrate this day and this moment in her life. Even if it was just spending a few awkward hours with Ellington, it would be better (and likely more productive) than sitting around feeling sorry for herself and drinking alone.

But she said nothing. And even if she could have mustered the courage, it would not have mattered; Ellington quickly gave her a little nod and then, like McGrath, slipped back into the crowd.

Mackenzie stood there for a moment, doing her best to shrug off the increasing feeling of being utterly alone.

CHAPTER THREE

When Mackenzie showed up to her first day of work on Monday, she could not shake Ellington’s words, running through her head like a mantra: The man is really smart with how he utilizes new agents. Keep that in mind when you meet with him on Monday.

She tried to use that to ground herself because if she was being truthful, she was nervous. It didn’t help that her morning began when she was met by one of McGrath’s men, Walter Hasbrook, now her department supervisor, and he escorted her like a child to the elevators. Walter looked to be pushing sixty and was roughly thirty pounds overweight. He had no personality and while Mackenzie held nothing against him, she didn’t like the way he explained everything to her as if she were stupid.

This did not change as he led her to the third floor, where a maze of cubicles spread out like a zoo. Agents were posted at each cubicle, some talking on the phone while others typed into their computers.

“And this is you,” Hasbrook said, gesturing to a cubicle in the center of one of the outer rows. “This is the central for Research and Surveillance. You’ll find a few e-mails waiting for you, giving you access to the servers and a bureau-wide contact list.”

She stepped into her cubicle, feeling a little disenchanted but still nervous. No, this was not the exciting case she’d hoped to start her career on but it was still the first step on a journey toward everything she’d been working for ever since she’d gotten out of high school. She pulled her rolling chair out and plopped down in her seat.

The laptop sitting in front of her was hers now. It was one of the bullet items Hasbrook had gone over with her. The desk was hers, the cubicle, the whole space. It wasn’t exactly glamorous, but it was her space.

“In your e-mail, you’ll find the details of your first assignment,” Hasbrook said. “If I were you, I’d start on it right away. You’ll want to call the case’s supervising agent to coordinate, but you should be deep into it by the end of the day.”

“Got it,” she said, turning on the computer. Part of her was still angry with being saddled with a desk job. She’d wanted something in the field. After all McGrath had told her, that’s what she’d been expecting.

No matter how great of a history you have, she told herself, you can’t expect to start out an all-star. Maybe this is your way of having to pay your dues – or McGrath’s way of showing you who’s boss and putting you in your place.

Before Mackenzie could respond any more to his dry and monotone instructions, Hasbrook had already turned away. He was headed back to the elevators quickly, as if he were happy to be done with the day’s minuscule chore.

When he was gone and she was alone in her cubicle she logged in to her computer and wondered why she was so damned nervous.

It’s because this is it, she thought. I worked hard to get here and it’s finally mine. All eyes are on me now so I can’t mess up – even if it’s some random desk job.

She checked her e-mail and fired off the necessary responses to get started on her assignment. Within an hour, she had all of the necessary documents and resources. She was determined to do her best, to give McGrath every reason to see that he was wasting her talent by having her ride a desk.

She pored over maps, cell phone records, and GPS data, working to pinpoint the location of two potential suspects involved in a sex trafficking ring. Within an hour or so of getting deeply involved, she found herself committed to it. The fact that she was not out on the street actively working to bring men like this down did not bother her in that moment. She was focused and she had a goal in mind; that’s all she needed.

Yes, it was menial and borderline boring, but she would not let that hinder her work. She broke for lunch and came back to it, working with fervor and getting results. When the day came to a close, she e-mailed the department supervisor her results and headed out. She had never had an office job before but that’s very much what this felt like. The only thing missing was the time clock to punch her card.

By the time she got to her car, she allowed herself to wallow in the disappointment again. A desk job. Stuck behind a computer and trapped between cubicle walls. This was not what she had envisioned.

Despite this, she was proud to be where she was. She wouldn’t let ego or high expectations derail the fact that she was now an FBI agent. She couldn’t help but think of Colby, though. She wondered where Colby was right now and what she’d have to say if she discovered that Mackenzie had been assigned a desk job to start off her career.

And a small part of Mackenzie couldn’t help but wonder if Colby, having made her own decision to leave, had been the smarter of the two.

Would she ride this desk for years?

***

Mackenzie showed up the next morning determined to have a good day. She’d made some great progress on her case the day before and felt that if she could provide prompt and efficient results, McGrath would take notice.

Right away, she found that she had been bounced to another case. This one involved green card fraud. The attachments to the e-mails provided her with more than three hundred pages of testimonies, government files and documents, and legal jargon to use as resources. It looked incredibly tedious.

Fuming, Mackenzie looked to the phone. She had access to the servers, which meant she could get McGrath’s number. She wondered how he’d respond if she called him and asked why she was being punished in such a way.

She talked herself out of it, though. Instead, she printed off every single document and created different stacks and piles on her desk.