Almost Dead

To her surprise the other woman nodded as if this was a common occurrence.

“In a shared room, you will want a toiletry pack then.”

The toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and cotton sleep shirt looked to be a life saver and Cassie handed over yet more Euros in exchange.

“Your room is down the corridor. Yours is the bed closest to the door and it comes with a locker.”

“Thanks.”

“And the bar is that way. We provide our guests with the cheapest beer in Milan.” She smiled as she placed the locker key on the counter.

“My name is Gretchen,” she added.

“I’m Cassie.”

Remembering why she was here, Cassie then asked, “What about a phone? Internet?”

She held her breath as Gretchen considered the question.

“Guests may only use the office phone in emergencies,” she said. “There are several places nearby where you can make a call and use a computer. They are listed on the notice board next to the bookshelf, and you will also find a map there.”

“Thank you.”

Cassie glanced behind her. She’d seen the notice board on her way in, propped on the top of the shelf. It was a large board, covered in cut-out scraps of paper.

“We also list jobs on the board,” Gretchen explained. “We search all the sites daily and print out the ads. Some places even contact us direct if they need part-time help, such as waiting tables, shelf packing, cleaning. Those jobs are usually paid by the day, in cash.”

She smiled at Cassie sympathetically, as if she understood what it was like to be short of money in a foreign country.

“Most of our guests are able to find work if they want it, so if you are in need of a job, let me know,” she said.

“Thank you again,” Cassie said.

She headed straight for the notice board.

There was a list of five nearby places where phones and internet could be used, and Cassie held her breath as she saw Cartoleria’s name was there, but had been recently crossed out with a note, “Closed.”

That was a hopeful sign, so Cassie decided to ask Gretchen if she could check the guest list. She headed to the lounge, to find that the manager had just opened a beer and was sitting on a sofa among a laughing group of people.

“Here’s another customer.”

A tall, lean man with an English accent, who looked even younger than Cassie, jumped up and opened the fridge.

“I’m Tim. What can I get you?” he asked.

Seeing her hesitate, he said, “There’s a special on the Heineken.”

“Thanks,” Cassie said.

She paid, and he passed her an ice-cold bottle. Two dark-haired girls who looked as if they were twins moved up on one of the other couches to make room for her.

“Actually, I came here because I was hoping to find my sister,” she said, feeling a pang of nervousness as she spoke.

“I wonder if any of you might have known her, or if she stayed here. She has blonde hair—or it was blonde when I last knew her. And her name is Jacqui Vale.”

“You have been apart a long time?” one of the dark-haired girls asked sympathetically.

When Cassie nodded, she said, “That is very sad. I hope you find her.”

Cassie took a sip of her beer. It was icy cold, rich with malt.

The manager was scrolling through her phone.

“We have not had any Jacqui here in December. Or in November,” she said, and Cassie’s heart sank.

“Wait,” Tim said. “I remember someone.”

He closed his eyes, as if thinking back, while Cassie stared at him anxiously.

“We don’t get many Americans here, so I recall the accent. She didn’t book a room, she came in with a friend who was staying here. She had a drink and then left. She wasn’t blonde; her hair was brown, but she was very pretty and looked a bit like you. Perhaps a few years older.”

Cassie nodded encouragement. “Jacqui is older.”

“The friend called her Jax. We started chatting when I served her, and she told me she was staying in a small town. I think it was an hour or two from here. Now, of course, I can’t remember the name of the town.”

Cassie felt breathless to think that her sister had actually been here. Visiting a friend, going about her life. It didn’t seem as if she was broke or desperate or a drug addict or in an abusive relationship, or any of the other worst-case scenarios that Cassie had worried about whenever she thought of Jacqui, and wondered why she’d never been in touch.

Perhaps family just hadn’t meant that much to her and she hadn’t felt the need to reconnect. Although they had been close, it was adversity that had forced them together, having to survive their father’s rages and the unstable home life. Jacqui might have wanted to put those memories behind her.

“I didn’t know your memory for faces was so good, Tim,” Gretchen teased. “Or is it only the pretty girls?”

Tim grinned, looking abashed. “Hey, she was gorgeous. I was thinking of maybe asking her out, but then I found out she wasn’t staying in Milan, and thought she probably wouldn’t be interested in me anyway.”

There was a chorus of protest from the other girls.

“Silly! You should have,” the girl next to Cassie insisted.

“I didn’t get the right vibe from her, and I think she would have said no. Anyway, Cassie, if you give me your phone number, I’ll do my best to remember which town it was. I’ll message you if I do.”

“Thank you,” Cassie said.

She gave Tim her number and finished her beer. It seemed as if everyone else was ready for another round and would carry on talking until past midnight, but she was exhausted.

She got up and said goodnight to them before heading off to have a hot shower and climb into bed.

It was only as she pulled the bedcovers back that she remembered, with a shock, that her anxiety meds were still in her suitcase.

She had suffered the consequences of skipping tablets before. It was difficult to sleep if she was behind on her medication, and she was more likely to have vivid nightmares. Occasionally, she ended up sleepwalking, and Cassie felt nervous if that should happen in this shared dormitory.