The Old Tobacco Shop

"He'll be s-s-singing on the other s-s-side of his f-f-face before this night's o-o-over, you mark m-m-m-my wo-wo-words!"

"Lady and gentlemen" – began Mr. Mizzen.

"Ker-choo!" sneezed the parrot. "A wet sh-sh-sheet and a f-f-flowing s-s-s-sea! Three cheers f-f-for the – Ker-choo! Three cheers f-f-for hay f-f-fe-fever!"

"Down with b-b-b-both of 'em!" whispered the Cabin-boy fiercely in Freddie's ear.

"Suppose you sing us something about yourself," said Aunt Amanda.

"Ay, ay, ma'am," said Mr. Mizzen; and after playing a few chords and quivers on the guitar, he began to sing, in a voice like a fog-horn muffled by a heavy fog, the following song concerning the

LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF L. MIZZEN

"When I was a lad I was bad as I could be,
Wouldn't say 'Thank you' nor 'Please,' not me,
And at church I wouldn't kneel but only on one knee,
And at school I wouldn't study my A B C,
And I couldn't conscientious with the Golden Rule agree,
Nor understand the secret of its popularitee,
Nor get a ounce of pleasure from the Rule of Three, —
I was bad right through; sweared 'hully gee,'
And worse sometimes, like 'jiminee;'
Scrawled with a pencil on my jographee,
Stole birds' eggs in the huckleberry tree, —
Oh, I was bad; tried to learn a flea
How to keep his balance on a rolling pea, —
Oh, regular bad; and my ma, said she,
'If you don't be better than what you be,
I'll put you in the cupboard and turn the key.'
But I wouldn't and I wouldn't, no sirree,

So I ran away to sea;
Yes, I ran away to sea;

With a little gingham, bottle of cambric tea,
And a penny wrapped up in my hankerchee,

For I wanted to be free,
So I ran away to sea."

Mr. Mizzen stopped, and looked towards the stern of the ship. "I thought," said he, "I kind of noticed something queer about the stern rail; looked as if it was lower. But I guess I'm mistaken."

Everyone looked, but saw nothing amiss. The Cabin-boy tittered into Freddie's ear.

"Would you like to hear the second verse?" said the Able Seaman.

"Yes, yes! Go on!" said several voices at once.

"Here goes, then," said Mr. Mizzen, thrumming on the guitar. "After I ran away to sea, I had a good many adventures, and some of 'em – anyway —

"When I was young I followed the Equator
From Pole to Pole in the ship Perambulator,
A four-wheeled schooner, a smoky old freighter,
Loaded with sulphur for an old dead crater
In the Andes Mountains, and a night or two later
With a three-knot gale blowing loud and rude
As the dark grows darker and the gale increases
Of a sudden we strike and we goes all to pieces
On the forty-seventh parallel of latitude.
And then and there we formed a committee
And went in a body up to London City
And walked up the steps and pulled the little bell,
And spoke out bold to the Lords of Creation
Where they sat in their wigs making rules of navigation,
And explained to 'em the dangers of the Deadly Parallel.
'Take 'em down and pull 'em in,'
That's the way we did begin:
''Tisn't leaks nor 'tisn't whiskey
Makes the sailor's life so risky,
It's the parallel as lies acrost our track.
It's the Deadly Parallel, lying there so long and black,
Is the subject of our moderate petition;
'Tisn't much that we are wishin',
But we humbly beg permission
To implore, —
Coil 'em up, we implore, where they won't be in the way,
Out of sight, safe ashore, we humbly pray;
For there's many a tidy bark
Strikes against 'em in the dark
And is never never heard of any more.
So we'll thank you heartilee
If so very kind you'll be
And remove this awful danger from the sea.'
But we couldn't make 'em do it;
No, they simply wouldn't do it;
And the bailiff shoved us gently from the door.
And we wept uncommon salty,
For their reason did seem faulty,
Any way that we could view it:
And the reason which they gave us
Why they really couldn't save us
Was because the thing had ne'er been done before;
No, such a thing had ne'er been done before."

Mr. Mizzen stopped again, and looked along the deck and up at the masts, and said, "I can't get it out of my head that the deck is slanting a little more than usual; the ship doesn't seem to come up well at the stern. However, – would you like to hear any more of this song?"

Everybody begged him to go on.