He woke late, saw the black suit over the chair and tried not to think about yesterday.
Tried not to, because it had been a day of hellish emotion and it seemed impossible to think that Justin would be back at school today and the world was moving on, but not for some.
The transplant co-ordinator had been called up for the head injury patient, Heath, later in the evening, he had heard. Ethan had seen the boy’s parents sobbing outside the ambulance bay on his way home.
Waking up to grief was a lot like waking up with a hangover, Ethan decided as he pieced together the previous day and braced himself to face the upcoming one. He lay there, eyes closed, trying to summon up the energy to move, to get on with his day. He should maybe ring his aunt and uncle, Ethan thought, see how they were, but he couldn’t stomach it. Or ring his sister and find out how the rest of the wake had been.
Except he just wanted to be alone, just as he had wanted to be alone last night. He hadn’t been able to face a bar. Even Kelly, a friend, who was more than a friend sometimes, had called, and knowing how tough the day would have been had suggested coming over.
He hadn’t wanted that either.
He could go and do something, maybe a long drive down to the Ocean Road, just stay a night in Torquay or Lorne perhaps, watch the waves, get away, except, just as he thought he had a plan Ethan remembered he had to be at the hospital at six to give Penny her injection.
Penny.
Ethan blew out a breath as he recalled the near miss last night.
What the hell had he been thinking? Or rather, he hadn’t been thinking in the least.
Still, he kept getting glimpses of coral underwear flashing before his eyes throughout the day.
He’d expected flesh coloured.
Not that he’d thought about it.
But had he thought about it, then flesh coloured it would be.
Sensible, seamless, Ethan decided as he drove to the hospital. Not that she’d need a bra.
Not that he’d noticed.
Ethan pulled into his parking spot and tried to go back, tried to rewind the clock to a few days ago, when he hadn’t remotely thought of her in that way. When she had just been a sour-faced colleague who was difficult to work with, one who hadn’t turned round and bewitched him with a smile.
‘What are you doing here?’ Rex asked as Ethan walked through the department, for once out of scrubs and dressed in black jeans and a black top.
‘I need to take some work home. Is it just you on?’ Ethan asked casually.
‘Nope,’ Rex said. ‘Penny’s on.’ He pulled a poker face. ‘She’s just taking a break.’
Ethan knew that because he’d texted her to say that he was here, but he didn’t want anyone getting even a hint so he stood and chatted with Rex a moment before heading to Penny’s office.
‘Sorry to mess up your day off.’
He checked the dose again, and she undid her zipper and just stared at the door as she lowered her skirt. Penny closed her eyes and hyperventilated but managed to stay much calmer, even if her knuckles were white as she clutched the desk behind her. In turn, Ethan was very gruff and businesslike and what they had both been silently nervous about happening was nowhere near repeated. In fact, it was all over and done with very quickly.
‘Thanks for this.’
‘No problem,’ Ethan said.
‘Will you carry on working?’ Ethan asked, and Penny frowned as she tucked her shirt in. ‘When you have the baby I mean.’
‘If I have one,’ Penny said. ‘Did you ask Gordon the same question?’
‘No.’ He was so not into political correctness. ‘But then again, Gordon isn’t a single dad. And,’ he added, ‘despite his account of it, Gordon wasn’t actually the one who got pregnant and gave birth.’
Penny laughed.
‘Shall we go and see them?’ Ethan said. ‘It’s quiet out there at the moment and Rex is in. We could head up and just get it over with.’
‘Get it over with?’ Penny smiled. She had been thinking exactly the same thing. Gordon really could be the most crushing bore and she’d never really had a conversation with Hilary, a paediatrician, that hadn’t revolved around baby poo.
‘Sorry.’ Ethan didn’t know he was being teased. ‘That was a bit …’
‘Don’t you like babies?’ Penny asked as they headed towards the lifts that would take them to the maternity unit.
‘Actually, no.’ Ethan was honest. ‘I don’t actively dislike them or anything. My sister has had three now. I like the five-year-old, he makes me laugh sometimes.’
‘How old is your sister?’
‘Thirty-six,’ Ethan said, and she remembered their phone conversation.
‘You’re a twin.’ Penny smiled. ‘On anyone else that would be cute.’
They stopped at the gift shop and bought flowers and balloons and Penny wrote a card but Ethan had forgotten to get one and asked if he could just add his name.
‘You’re giving me injections,’ Penny said. ‘Not sperm. Buy your own card.’
She was the most horrible person he had ever met, but she did make him grin, and Ethan was still smiling when they both walked into Hilary’s room together.
‘Penny!’ Gordon seemed delighted to see them. ‘Ethan!’ He shook Ethan’s hand. ‘He’s just woken up, we’re just feeding.’
‘Well, don’t let us interrupt you. We just came in to give you these and say a quick hello.’
‘Don’t be daft,’ Gordon said. ‘Completely natural. What do you think? He’s a good-looking little man, isn’t he?’
Ethan peered down at the baby and to Penny’s delight he was blushing. ‘Congratulations,’ he said to Hilary. ‘He’s very handsome.’
‘He’s gorgeous,’ Penny said. ‘He looks like you.’
‘He looks like Gordon,’ Hilary corrected her.
She could feel Ethan’s exquisite discomfort beside her and to his credit he did attempt conversation, but she almost felt him fold in relief as his phone bleeped and he excused himself for a moment.
‘I heard about Jed’s mum,’ Hilary said. ‘Have you heard any news?’
‘She’s actually improving,’ Penny said as Ethan came back in. ‘They should be home in a couple of days.’
‘I’m hoping to get him home soon.’ Hilary looked down at her baby. ‘He’s a bit small, though, and the labour—’