Special Deliveries: Her Gift, His Baby: Secrets of a Career Girl / For the Baby's Sake / A Very Special Delivery

‘Penny.’ He knew all that, knew that she was right, but he could see the dark shadows under her eyes and could feel her tense and too thin under his hand on her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry for what I said.’

‘I don’t want to discuss that.’

‘Tough.’ She had marched to her office and Ethan had followed and stood with his back to the door. ‘I said the wrong thing. I say the wrong thing a lot apparently.’

‘You said how you felt.’

‘How could I have when I don’t even know how I feel?’ Ethan couldn’t contain it any longer and to hell with lousy timing, it had been lousy timing for him as well. ‘I’m sorry that I didn’t arrive in your life with a fully packed nappy bag, ready to be a father to another man’s child.’ Penny closed her eyes. ‘Instead, I walked in on the end of a huge life decision you’d made.’

‘I didn’t make it lightly.’

‘But I was supposed to,’ Ethan said. ‘I was supposed to be fine with it, delighted that you were pregnant, and for you I was, just not for us!’

And she was just so bruised and raw and angry and lost she didn’t know how to respond anymore.

‘Just leave it.’

‘How can I leave it?’ Ethan demanded. ‘Because I’m trying to sort the two of us out and you’re talking about going for it again.’

‘No, I’m not.’

Today, Ethan wanted to add, but just stood there, trying to hold on to his temper, because only a low-life would have a row with a woman going through this. ‘Okay, let’s just leave it,’ Ethan said, ‘but I will not have you taking it out on the nurses. You’ve upset Vanessa.’

‘Vanessa knows me.’ Guilt prickled down her spine. ‘I’ve worked with Vanessa for years.’

‘Hey,’ Ethan snapped. ‘Do you remember that guy I stitched who’d just had a remote control bounce off his skull?’

She had no idea what he was talking about. ‘Well, maybe you weren’t working that day, but he said the same. “She’s never moaned, we’ve been married for years.” ‘His eyes flashed at Penny. ‘People will put up with so much, Penny, but not for ever.’

‘I get that!’ Penny screwed her eyes closed on tears. ‘I’ve always been strict with observations, I’ve always been tough.’

‘There’s another word to describe you that’s doing the rounds right now, Penny.’

‘I know that. It’s just been so intense.’

‘I know that,’ Ethan said, ‘but the staff don’t. I’m not going to stand back and let you take it out on them, Penny. Please.’ He was trying to pull her up, trying to talk her down; he just wanted to take her home, but she didn’t want him to and as he tried to take her in his arms Penny was backing off.

‘I know it’s been hell for you,’ Ethan said.

‘Well, it’s over.’ Penny swallowed down her pain. ‘I just want to get back to my life, back to my career. I can’t believe that I turned down a prom …’ She stopped herself.

‘Say it.’

Penny looked at him.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘You know how I really hate that.’ And so he waited.

‘I turned down a promotion so that I could concentrate on IVF.’

‘You mean you turned down my job?’ Ethan checked, and she gave a tight shrug. Then he was on side with the masses—Penny could be such a bitch at times. ‘Thanks a lot, Penny.’

She wanted to call him back, except he walked out, and if that wasn’t enough to be dealing with, a moment later there was a knock at her door.

‘Hi, Lisa.’ Penny gave a tight smile. ‘It’s not really a good time.’

‘No, it isn’t a good time,’ Lisa said. ‘My nurses work hard, Penny, and they put up with a lot and they do many extra things to help you that you probably don’t even notice.’ Penny swallowed as Lisa continued. ‘But you might start to notice just how much extra they did for you when they stop.’

‘It will be okay,’ Jasmine said.

Penny had left work early, to Mr Dean’s obvious displeasure, and the second she had got home she had rung her sister and said sorry, and Jasmine had come round. They’d had a cuddle when Jasmine had arrived at her door and, this time, when Penny had felt the swell in her sister’s stomach, while it had hurt, overriding that Penny was happy for her sister and just so pleased to see her that she told Jasmine about work.

‘I’ve upset all the nurses.’

‘Penny!’ Jasmine flailed between divided loyalties. ‘You haven’t been that bad. Lisa can be a cow at times—and Vanessa’s always forgetting to write things down, but if you were more friendly, if people knew more what was going on in your life …’

‘I don’t know how to tell people.’

And Jasmine got that, because since she had been a little girl it had been Penny who had taken care of things, who had let her little sister open up to her about all the scary stuff going on with their parents and had said nothing about her own fears.

‘You told Ethan.’

‘Because I had to.’

‘So how did the Neanderthal do?’ Jasmine asked.

‘He was great,’ Penny said, and she let out a sigh as she remembered that day, how he’d stepped in when she’d broken down, how he’d actually said all the right things. ‘Not just with the injections.’

‘You like him?’

Penny nodded. ‘And I just hurt him,’ she said. ‘I let it slip about the promotion.’

‘You didn’t just let it slip,’ Jasmine said. ‘You did what you always do whenever anyone gets close.’

‘Probably,’ Penny admitted.

‘Try talking to him,’ Jasmine said.

‘I don’t want to talk to him about this, though,’ Penny said. ‘It’s all we talk about and I’m tired of it. I wish I’d met him without this damn IVF hanging over me. I want us to have a chance at normal.’

‘Tell him, then,’ Jasmine urged.

‘I can’t yet,’ Penny admitted. ‘I need to sort out myself first, work out how I feel about other things.’ Penny took a deep breath. ‘I’ve just been going round in circles and I can’t anymore and I’m not going to dump on Ethan. I need to think of myself.’

When Jasmine had gone she rang Mr Dean.

Told him she was struggling with some personal issues and that she was taking some time off.